A
female
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anonymous
writes:About 2 years ago, my bf at the time (now ex bf) raped me. We broke up a few days later. It was a pretty traumatic experience for me. I tried so hard to stop him but I just couldnt. I tried fighting him off me, but he had me in a pinned down position so I couldnt move. I tried screaming and yelling no, but he woudlnt stop still. I even started crying...still didnt stop. Throughout the whole time, I tried to stop him from entering me by tightening my muscles. I then got to the point where I had some sort of anxiety attact, I felt like I couldnt breathe, and my whole body went tingly and numb and my vision blurred and my head was spinning, at that point I lost all control and gave up fighting. I am now in a new relationship with my bf who Ive been with for 9 months. We have recently tried having sex for the first time but I am still doing what I did when my ex bf raped me. I tighten up, which makes it hard for him to enter me without it hurting so badly. I dont know how to just relax. I feel like I do this because of what my ex did to me. The thing is though, I know I can trust my bf. He is so caring and kind. He loves me and I love him. I want to have sex with him. Hes been really patient the whole time. But he has no idea why Ive been putting off sex and why I cant relax. He blames it all on himself and feels liek hes doing something wrong when hes not, hes doing everything right.So I guess my question is, should I tell my bf I was raped, to help him understand why I am behaving the way I do? Or is it not appropiate to tell my current bf that my ex raped me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): hey, im 17 and i was also rapped by my now ex too he also tried to kill me... i know exactly how you feel... i am also now in an extreamly loving and caring relationship... my boyfriend who i have been with for only two months cares the world about me... i told him the day after we got together as i didnt want him to be like...' why didnt you tell me befor'... I realy think you should tell your boyfriend as he can help you as my boyfriend has helpped me to get throught the hard times (no sexual pune intended) .... good luck xxx
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 January 2010):
 If you trust him and have genuine feelings for him I would tell him. It is not something that is hard to hide 24/7 - specially in a relationship.
Hopefully he will be supporting and help you deal with this.
also - I suggest you get some counseling for yourself. It's a lot to deal with.
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A
female
reader, pril +, writes (2 January 2010):
Yes I would. If he loves u he will understand and he can help u though it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): I think you should tell him. In face, this should have come up even earlier because being raped or abused can severely change the woman's responses and it is part of sexual history that a lover needs to know.
Do let him know that you trust him absolutely. Try and show him how. It will help loosen you up. Maybe you guys can try having sex in ways other than intercourse. He can go down on you. He can finger you and lots of other things.. that will relax you and maybe eventually when you do get down to having sex it'll be nice.
If you are not used to having sex, then remember that it may hurt a bit the first few times because of your reactions. If it is not too much pain and within bearable limits try to go along with it. Pleasure will happen in the later sessions.
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