| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I would like some help as the problem I have is eating me up inside.I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and have always had an issue with his ex wife and their child, in the sense that she rings him a couple of times every day to see if he is OK, not to talk about the child. I got close to the child (4years) and the mum said he could no longer see me as I was all he spoke about. I then found I was pregnant and had my boyfriend’s baby 8 weeks ago. He told his ex the baby wasn't his. He told me to put our son up for adoption as he only has one son (above). I left hospital and went to my mum and dad’s where I am now.My boyfriend always asks me for money and tells me it is my fault we have none. He said he will accept our son in his own time, but I'm scared.I think I am losing him. He used to tell me he loved me all of the time – Every time I see him now we just have sex then I leave our house.I found out that he spent a night at his ex's house - he told me he spent the night on the floor on his son’s bed, but he stayed there 4 times this week. He said he couldn't sleep with L (ex-wife) as she has her period and has had it for 3 months and C (son) shares her bed when he stays.I don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend very much, but this is worrying me now. He said that I need to calm down and he doesn't like spending time on his own, so it is my fault he has gone to L. She has also given him lots of money.My parents think I should get rid, but it's not that easy. I want my son to know his dad and I want us to live the life we talked about.PLEASE someone, let me have some advice...
View related questions:
ex-wife, his ex, money, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, xixi +, writes (3 October 2005):
I’m afraid the answer is that you have to leave this guy for good and get him out of your life and your son’s life. Maybe some day your son can be acquainted with his father, but he is definitely a big loser and would make a terrible father figure. He is definitely getting back with his ex, well, for selfish purposes anyway. I know it’s a scary thought to raise your child without a father, but this guy is just going to ruin your life and your son’s life. But I am quite sure that you will be able to find a wonderful husband someday who would love to take care of your son with you, as his own child. I have seen this happen to women I know, who were young single mothers, who also had loser boyfriends. Now they are both happily married to very kind, caring men who have adopted the child as their own. By the way, it is absolutely NOT your fault that he is getting back to his ex. He is a selfish, immature pig who has no idea what responsibility means. He is making you feel bad, so he can feel better about himself. Don’t fall for his act! He’s just trying to feel less guilty about himself. Don’t bother talking to him or seeing him anymore. You don’t owe him any explanations (or money!), just cut him out of your life for good.
These types of men siphon off of the unwitting kindness of women. They lure them with nice sweet words of love, but they’ll turn their back on you in a second once they actually have to take some responsibility. I’m sorry this happened to you. But there are nice men out there. They’re a little hard to come by, but they are out there! Never trust what a man says, go by what he DOES. A good man has a good, steady job, never asks you or anyone else for money, and his actions always follow his words. It’s best to get to know someone through his friends and family, and you can see how others interact with him and how he interacts with others. A good man takes care of his family, is kind to his mother, and helps out around the house.
It may feel really lonely and sad for a while, but it sounds like your parents are there for you, so it won’t be so bad. Eventually, you’ll learn how to stand on your own two feet and life will start to get better again. Surround your child with lots of love and it will all turn out well.
A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (26 September 2005):
Hi, you sound so troubled, the thing that struck me when I was reading your problem was that you mention that you think you are losing him, and then you act like that was a bad thing! I'm sorry but it really does not sound like you are ever going to have a dream life if you stay with this guy. He sounds like such a loser. The main problem is not that you are losing him (that would be a blessing) but why are you so in love with a man who treats you like crap, is a liar, has no respect for you, is immature, and thats all from a person who loves him, I wouldn't like to see what his enemies would say about him. Gosh! You're self esteem must be way down in your boots. What kind of role model father figure did you have growng up and what kind of role model is your child going to have with that guy as a father. Be good to yourself girl, let him off back to his ex, and you will be well rid. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Delirius +, writes (26 September 2005):
Now that you are a parent, you must have some idea of how worried for your future your own parents must be. I'm afraid your ex sounds like seriously bad news. A real man stands up to take responsibility for his actions and it seems that this is yet to happen. I am curious as to why you or anyone would be needing to give this bloke any money?? I wonder if it is all going up in smoke? If so, then a distorted view on the world is not really the influence anyones child needs or is nurtured by. If you want your son to have a good male role model, perhaps you should let that man be his grandfather who is already with him. I'm sorry, I don't like to write this but you will only be deceiving yourself if you think your ex is not carrying on with his ex. How many of your girlfriends have you ever known to have a period for 3 mths. And why would he sleep on the floor of his first sons room if the boy always sleeps with his mother when his father is there? Wouldn't he sleep on his sons bed? I'm sorry, I only hope you decide to raise your little one to believe that he is worthy of respect from others. You can do this by example, demand it for yourself.
...............................
|
