A
female
age
41-50,
*hylee
writes:I've known this boy for 7 years, we will call him Joe. We made an extreme romantic connection 2 years ago, but both of our situations prevented us from being together. We were crazy about each other, and perfect for each other. But he was scared of being in a relationship, and I was stuck in a complicated one. At the beginning of this year, I was free from my failed relationship, and he got over his fear of being serious. We were finally in a relationship, and it felt surreal. I had wanted this for so long. We had pretty much been in love with each other for two years, and now we were completely committed. We have even been planning our future. It's very promising, and it feels so right. I truly believe we were meant to be together.We've been in an official relationship for a month now. We've been spending everyday together and are so in love. But lately, I feel as though I've been subconsciously distancing myself. It started when he opened up to me about his dark fears that plague his mind, pessimistic worries that tell him things won't work out. I was so happy that he was open with me about what was going on inside his mind, but it alarmed me. Then I've noticed that he is becoming very sensitive and emotional. For instance, if he tells me that he loves me and I just say "I know!" (which is a way I joke with him), he gets offended and thinks I don't love him. If I show any irritability, he will get upset and take it way too personally. One night he was driving my car and I got into a mood, and he started driving erratically and freaking out. He has an anger issue, that he has always told me about, and I've just now got to see it. He will be noticably distraught... especially physically.. he shakes and he starts breathing so fast, it is like he is about to snap and all I can think of is "calm him down!". Basically he is becoming way too emotional and it is pushing me away. I just got out of a four year relationsihip with someone who was an emotional WRECK. We will call him Bill. Bill was depressed and suicidal when we parted ways. So many times in that relationship I had to be the strong one. It was so incredibly tiring. I dealt with a lot of guilt because I felt responsible for his falling apart. I don't want to be put through anything like that again, I want someone who I am 100% connected to that is strong and not weak.What can we do? I truly want to be with Joe forever. He is the one. I don't want him to feel like he has to hide how he feels or cover it up around me. But his extreme sensitivity is putting me off, and making me wonder if this really will work.
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male
reader, sam44  +, writes (26 February 2011):
Why dont you say i love you too when he says i love you? You seem to be a bit complicated.
Don't have too high expectations from man, they are humans not iron machines that can take anything. Man have emotions, the only difference is that someone's upbringing might make it better or harder than others to cope with stress. Be nice and sensitive to Joe, and since you know him well, try not to push his buttons. I hope this helps. goodluck
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 February 2011):
"Bill" was mentally unstable.
"Joe" also appears to be unstable.
My point? You need to seriously look at the type of man you're attracted to. Don't get me wrong, men should be able to be open about emotions, but not to the extent that they wind up shaking angrily every time a woman doesn't "say the right thing". You need to look at the men you're attracted to, because you seem to go for men with problems. I don't think you can handle a man like Joe.
One point though - you say you want a strong man, someone who's not weak at all. That man doesn't exist - at all. A good man can be open, and can show emotion. What you also need to be cautious of is that you don't pick a man who shows no emotion. You're setting very high standards, and I'm not sure you're totally clued in to the way men feel and think. Really look at the type you're attracted to, and don't make the mistake of thinking that men can always be 'strong'. We have emotions too.
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