A
female
age
26-29,
*airi101
writes:Ok so i'm 15 in yr 10 goin' on to work experience etc and my friends who don't go to my school (they go to a grammar one) have a friend who's in yr 11 (just turned 16) and when i met him he was really nice and fun to talk to. Then one night (like a month later) he asked me out and i was ecstatic! I could not believe that i had finally been asked out! I used to be the girl no one would ever date even in a nightmare but now an older grammar student wants to "take care of me" (his words!) so I thought to myself "you know what, i love my mum to pieces but this guy is really cool and kind and sweet etc, so why not try saying yes for once to my feelings rather than thinking of what my mum'll say about it" so i did but like a few minutes later felt guilty for "betraying" my mum and he said if it made me feel better we didn't have 2 label ourselves (sweet right?!) But a few weeks later I had exams coming up and got really stressed about everything and since mum and I are so close I ended up telling her everything! she wasn't mad or anything but said i couldn't date him cause i'm too young etc but i could still see him. He doesn't live in walking distance or anything so it wasn't often, and when we did meet up we were in the park talking, joking, hugging and holding hands. Then Valentine's Day was on the way and i actually got permission 2 get him a gift. (First time ever giving a guy a gift but it had to be within reason so no roses.) But he got upset and told me he didn't want a gift what-so-ever. I was confused a lil' by it but my friend told me that he told her that he'd lost his best friend/ girlfriend very close to that day (she died) so he doesn't like it at all and goes into himself quite a bit. She told me not to tell him that I knew which was hard cause I really wanted to be there for him like he always is for me but I kept quiet. Then we were talking on msn the day before Valentines day and he broke up with me (well kinda since we're not exactly dating). I was shocked and wanted 2 talk some sense into him but thought "you know if he's not happy then that goes against everything i want for him". So i said ok (long pause). He said sorry and I asked why he wanted to break up he said it was because of my mum and we weren't alowed to be alone anywhere and we were both unhappy because of all the rules I have on me. I tried to change the subject but he said I was being annoying "especially now" (his words again) so he went offline and I suddenly realised that i'd lost him 4 good! So i went downstairs to talk to my mum and told her what had happened. She looked at the convo and said he was being a jerk (i hadn't told her about his friend) and that it was a good thing she didn't let me date him and hadn't had my first kiss with him. (I thought she was trying 2 get the blame of off her.) But I told her I felt she was to blame and that I was upset that I hadn't had my first kiss with him because he was so gr8 to me. She didn't quite know what to say. Then the next day at school I was really quiet. I had told a few friends what had happened and soon enough I started crying cause I felt so alone without him and even thought we had only gotten as far as holding hands to me it was fantastic, and I had never been with a guy even like that before.Soon enough i got the courage to talk to him again and we arr friends now. Yesterday i went to Uxbridge with him and 5 other friends of mine and it was great but as soon as he started walking to get on his bus I froze. I couldn't move. I wanted to hug him and say goodbye properly but I couldn't move and just looked down. He got on the bus (neither of us are good with goodbyes) and when the doors closed I started crying and now I want him back so much I can't bear it. I've had dreams of him with another girl and woken up from them crying but whenever I try to talk to my mum about it she puts on this face that says "I don't wanna hear it" so we end up arguing and I nearly got grounded. The last time we talked about it because she said "and if he tries to get you back you say no!" I said "what even if i want to say yes?" She said "No you don't say yes." "So it's not even my choice to say yes? I still like you and would love to go back to normal." She said "We've been over this: You'er too young; you're 15 and it's time you realized it!" She nearly grounded me then but i thought to myself "No mum YOU need to realize that i'm 15 in yr 10 and going on to work experience very soon................................................So that's the story but i have realised now that i actually like more than a crush. i think i "love" him. When i saw him yesterday in Uxbridge i couldn't breathe for a bit and almost cried when he spoke to me and gave me a hug. I'm not asking for sex or anything. All i want is to be with him and see him and hug him, hold hands and one day have my first kiss with him. Mum says that I'll be distracted in school but I get As and Bs in school in a lot of subjects and of all of them she points out my maths which is my worst subject of all time! (My last test was a U, not lookin' forward to exams) I try hard in all subjects and all i get is more rules! i want to stay close to my mum and i want 2 stay with him too! But the only thing standing in my way is my mum! And she says she's protecting me and I can see how she thinks she is but right now all she's doing is causing me pain (no joke) and making me feel so alone by not allowing me to talk to her about it calmly..................................................good grades+ not in the wrong crowd+ not asking 4 sex (ew!) =?Why can't my mum just let me make this one decision?How can i convince her?Someone help me please! I'm considering talking to the school counselor because i cannot deal with this much pain anymore!
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Im going to look at this from a slightly different point of view.
Do you want to go to university? Because I tell you now, if you get a U in maths, you will not be going.
Its a core subject. Most Unis will look for 5 A-C including the core subjects of English, Maths and Science.
For someone who is getting A's and B;s in other subjects, a U is utterly disgraceful. You are obviously intelligent, so whats happening?
Now to your main problem. Boys. At 15 you are just beginning to see the opposite sex as "interesting". Sadly, this conincides with a lot of important exams.
Your mother is worried, and quite rightly so, that if you get involved with a boy (any boy) you will no longer be focussed on your work. I know you dont want to hear or accept that, but it happens. Girls who are A grade students get boyfriends and their work suffers. They end up getting C's and D's because they are too obsessed with their boyfriends. They all say "oh it wont happen to me" but it does. They want to be out every weekend, then visting in the evenings, then more... and suddenly, a high potential is suddenly not so rosey looking.
You are ONLY 15. You still have plenty of time for boys. Seriously. Dont rush it. Your teenage years are the most important in terms of building foundations for where you want to be in 5 years time. If you dont put the work in now, you could be in trouble later on.
You say it yourself "But a few weeks later I had exams coming up and got really stressed about everything and since mum and I are so close I ended up telling her everything!"
Exams are stressful. You think yr 10 mocks are bad - the real things are even worse! Imagine if you broke up with him before the exams. What would happen? You wouldnt perform to your potential. You would ruin your future because of a boy. It happens far too often.
What happens if he goes away to college, and then to Uni? What happens if he cheats on you, or wants sex, or dumps you? Are you ready for that? You cry because he has dumped you after holding your hand? You think that hurts - imagine if you had been dating, and you had gor really attached to him. This is evidence to show you are not mature enough to be dating YET. But you will be. Just give it time.
My advice, and you wont like it, is to focus on your schooling. Boys will come and go, but your life and your future is important. Get the groundwork sorted and strong foundations. If you go to Uni, believe me, you will be surrounded by THOUSANDS of nice boys. Too many to choose from! And a lot of them are very sweet.
This is the first boy who has paid you any attention and you are understandably attached. Its normal. Everyone goes thru it. But its not love. Its infatuation, a crush. We have ALL been there. The first boy I fancied was called Tom. I was about the same age as you. He asked me out. I panicked because of my mother. He ended up dumping me in a spectacular fashion at our leavers ball by snogging another girl in the middle of the dancefloor. I thought I loved him. Looking back, I can see it was just a crush and I honestly cant see what I saw in him. He was an idiot!
You are still growing as a woman. I know it seems so very hard, and sure now, but you will look back on this, and you will realise this was your awakening to becoming a woman. Feeling sexual attraction for men. It is the start of your life as a sexual woman, feelings, attraction, crushes, love. This is where it starts. But he is NOT the one. There will be many more boys and men to come. But right now, you need to focus on YOU. Not him. Not your Mother. YOU.
Get your exams. Make yourself strong. You are an intelligent and sensible young woman, please do not ruin your potential. That would be such a waste.
Take care of you.
Tiger xx
A
female
reader, chaoslove2266  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Tho you have tried to convince your mom and telling her that "i want to be with him, he is sweet" and stuff like that she puts rules maybe you should prove to her you can make your own decisions of what you do, I have had this same problem with not just one parent, but with both so i know what it feels like to not be able to have the freedom every teeneage girl wants. I'm 16 and finally just got that freedom maybe if you try to ask her why she enforces all these rules and requests so much of you, you will understand where she is coming from. This guy you speak of sounds caring and sweet and won't force you to do anything you don't want to and to have your first kiss from him will come when it comes. Maybe you will get him back eventually and maybe he can convince your mom. You aren't to young he is a year and some older then you that shouldn't be a big deal, maybe discuss that with her to. That's what i think, but you can choose to do this or tak what you want and leave the rest, your choice. Hope everything works out the way you want it to. if you need anything you can message me.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 You sound like an honest, responsible and sweet girl. You really are at that turning point age where you are beginning to have your own mind about things, which might not always be what your Mum has in mind. This is not bad at all--in fact, it is good that you are developing your own judgment about things. It is not to be stifled.
The question is what to do if you think she is wrong. It's a tricky thing, because if you go behind her back you are breaking a trust between you two and you are losing a channel of communication that is very important at this stage in your life. But if you listen to her, you are going against what you feel is right for you at this stage of development, and you may lose a chance with this guy.
Your Mum sounds reasonable, and she has your best interest at heart, and you are close to her. You are actually quite lucky that you have all these things. So, I think you should sit down with your Mum and discuss it. Some questions you might ask are:
*Mum, so when can I date if not now?
*Mum, if I keep my grades up (excepts for maths) can I at least date this boy a bit?
*Mum, I promise to check in with you and let you know what is going on.
See what she says. Ultimately, what to do is obviously your decision but I would always make sure to keep your relationship with your Mum as good as possible. If you are lucky to have one, that's something you should cherish and treat with the utmost care.
Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (25 February 2011):
 teens rebel for a reason. What you need to do is just go out and be with him, if that is what will make you feel better. If he turns out to be an a-hole, then you found out. If he is a really nice guy and you like him, then continue. You are almost an adult and need to start testing the waters. I encourage your current behavior, because you are responsible. You do not want to have sex, you have good grades, and you are going to have a job soon. Go for it! However, your responsibilities are to yourself, NOT HIM. Tell her that statement you made about good grades, no sex, and goign to work soon first though. Parents are supposed to do what they think is protecting their kids and their teenagers are supposed to rebel, within reason.Do not give your mother reason to distrust you. Give your mother reason to trust you. Have a nice bf that will treat you right, while you work, get good grades, and do not have sex. I am not a parent, but if I were, I would feel proud if my daughter did that. that is me though, as a single male with no kids.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): You're mum must be the type of mum's to have rules about what age her child should date at. You're mum is strict but yes you are too young to date i do agree with her. But all teenagers are like that. they date when there 13,14,15 and 16 start looking for boyfriend or girlfriend when really there is no rush. You have lot's of time for that to happen. If you really like this boy and love him, as you say, then you do then need to wait, for each other to get older. Then you can date when you're older about 18 then you're mum can't say anything to that because you're all older enough to start dating. Just keep him as a friend for now and wait for the future to be together hope i helped.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (25 February 2011):
 I can see your mums point on this, she just wants you to do well in your exams and wants you to stay safe, but at the same time, she can't run you're life forever. As you say, you're in year 10 now, even though you are only young you seem to be sensible.
But to try and sort this mess out, you're going to have to talk to your mum at great length. She needs to know that you're not in a hurry to grow up, and that you do want to do well in your exams. This could work out for both of you actually. Explain to your mum that in return for working hard and keeping your grades up, that you would like her to trust you, and at the very least let you spend time with this guy. Maybe offer to let her meet him, so she can see for herself what he is like.
You and your mum are close. You know she means well, so try and come to a compromise if you can, just try not to lose focus of your exams, you're only going through what any other 15 year old goes through. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, leylaness +, writes (25 February 2011):
 hey sweetie!
can i just start by saying i was in your possition once. i never got asked out and i was 15 just before work ex when it first happend to me. Be so careful, becuase its so new and exciting it is easy to let your self get so carried away you dont thin before you do somthing, my advice ther is before you do or say anything think very carfuly first!!!!
secondly, you arnt ever going to knwo where you stand with this guy, i dont htink hes after a love relationship wich it hard for you seenas you do think you love him. take some time away form him talk to other guys and have fun with your friends, dont be so hung on him ther will be more guys in the future. he is your first love but not your last rember your still very young.
you need to hav some serious words with your mum. i understand her but at the same time she is babying you to much which will only drive you away. tell he you are close and dont want that to change, that you want to be able to tell her about boyfridns with out fear of her getting upset or angry. you are soon going to be an adult and a fully grown woman ^^ so you need to make some mistakes by your self but you dont want that to harm your relationship with er seen as shes your mum and you are always going to need her when times get a bit bad :)
she love you!! i can see that so at the moment dont thik about this love with the guy think about how much you love your mum, sort out your prbloems with her then when you date this guy (or another) you and your mum can talk about it like mum and daughter shoud. go out for dinner with her or have a girlie night in it will be fun =D
i hope everything goes well for you!!!!
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