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female
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*retty_girl_UK
writes: Hi ! I am having some troubles in paradise....;) I have a very deep and meaningful relationship with my bf. We are thinking of getting married soon. The thing is, recenlty I told him about how, about 6-7 years ago I was a completely different person, dating a lot of guys etc. An experience with God turned a new leaf in my life and so when I met him I was really living up to principles. Now the thing is he's been asking me a lot about it (my past) and I'm really scared that if I tell him some things did ( really bad things !!!) I might lose him. I know you're supposed to be sincere and open towards your partner, but at the same time I'm just scared of his reaction. Do you think I should just confess everything ? He says it would mean a lot to him . Need some advice pls............ Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (13 November 2006):
 I will honey
By telling him you'll just be making your relationship more open... only time will tell if he can cope with that or not and if he is the one........
Good luck
SB XOX
A
female
reader, pretty_girl_UK +, writes (12 November 2006):
pretty_girl_UK is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell , "Sexybum +" , to answer your question, I didn't lie about my past. I did hold in a lot of things and I think that troubles him the most, the fact that he told me more or less everything about his past and he probly expected me to do the same. It's not just that i feel ashamed about the things in my past,but I have asked for God's forgiveness and it's really done wonders for me. He's not as religious as me and he doenst understand all these things. He thinks I need to talk about it to him, to let all go and move on. I hope it works and me telling him won't damage our relationship. Maybe I'm just scared for nothing. Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers !
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (12 November 2006):
Hiya again
I've just re-read and I want to ask you a question.
What exactly have you told him? Have you said to him ANYTHING truthful about your past?
The thing I'm getting it is that everybody has a past right. When you meet a new partner it's not general rule that you sit down together and tell each other a detailed story of your life up to date.... That is what I'm saying you don't have to do....
But when people do get together they do talk about things from before they met each other... you know things that might be bothering them or funny stories from before you met etc. Have you told him anything because if you haven't this will be why he is so curious....
In fact after reading my own advice I've changed my mind! (sorry about that) I think if there is something that is worrying you so much that you come on DearCupid for advice then the answer is yes you need to sit down and tell him about your experience with the wild ways.... You don't need to go into gorry detail but you can tell him what your life used to be like how it made you feel... The experience that turned you round and how you look at life now and feel now. Also how you feel now about your old ways and how scared you are of how he is going to interpret them.
I'm sorry for the rash advice I gave you earlier... I can tell you I have had experience in this and I have shared some sincere skeletons with my partner (altough I do draw the line somewhere)..... and in the long term it made our relationship stronger. What I'm saying is that it's more important to get across the feelings from your past and major events that changed the way you done things, reacted to things etc. You don't need to go into detail about every man
My new advice is if he had something that was eating away at him like this would you want it to unburden himself and share it with you. Either way you need to get this off your chest because your relationship could suffer if you keep it built up inside.
Good luck and I'm sorry about the two points of view!! If you're going to listen to any of them listen to this one....
Regards
Sexybum
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A
male
reader, ogga +, writes (11 November 2006):
dear god tell him as soon as you ca becaus eif he finds out some other way in 3 or 4 months or wahtever he will be more annoyed than he will be if you tell him now
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A
female
reader, pretty_girl_UK +, writes (11 November 2006):
pretty_girl_UK is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys ! I'm sorry but I can see two 180 Degrees different opinions . Clearly a man sees it differently than a woman does. Well.....I think I might just tell him, in general how my life went and how "wild" I was.....I love him and I don't want this to stay in our way. And I think no matter how bad our past is maybe you need to accept it and not deny it :( :( :( If anybody else has opinions on this matter, prefferably from past experiences , plssssss share some of your wisdom with me . Tnx !!!! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): I think if he insists on asking, and you've already told him you don't want to, then tell him. But make sure you tell him he wanted to know. Not all guys will fresk out with someones more suspicious past. It depends on them. If you have a dark past, and your boyfriend is uncomfotable about that, you both deseve to know the truth. He deserves to know how you really were, and you deserve to know how he would judge you knowing how you used to be. Without knowing that - how can you possibly contemplate marriage together?
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (11 November 2006):
Hiya Hun
I feel quite similar... I have a shady past and soemtimes look back and cannot beleive it was me whom doen the things that I done. Put simply I am a different person I wouldn't even consider in the slightest going back to my old ways... It's almost like it wasn't even me doing it.
My bf did find out what I was like due to word of other people in the community.. The problem is the reason I met him and we hit we off is because I had changed to the person that I am now and that I was sincere. He has pestered me to tell him the 'truth' about my past or 'the details' but I refuse to.
He has no right to know and also by telling him I will just be bringing it into my existing life therefore there would've been no point in changing. The way I see it it doesn't matter what I was like It matters what I do now. And I will not give myself the indignity of sitting there and giving my bf a full review of my past life.
I wouldn't expect or want him to do that for me AND I won't do it for him.... IT'S NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!! Your bloke should love you for who you are and you do not have to tell him.. I personally don't think you should it could affect your relationship in a way that is completely unfair to you.
And.... If he loves you he will be happy with your answer... That you're not prepared to go there.... He knows you for who you REALLY are and that's all that matters.
I hope this helps
Sexybum
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