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male
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anonymous
writes: my wife and i are going through a bad patch. she found out two yrs ago that i have slagged her off and allowed her to be slagged off on numerous occasions by my mother and sister who have never liked her or accepted her from when we met. i dont know why i have given my family amunition to fire against her because i do love her, i have just let them say things about her to me because i havent had the courage to stand up to them. The trouble is i think my wife wants me to cut off all ties with my mother and sister as she does not believe this wont happen again. Finding out what she did destroyed her as it was all done behind her back. How do i show my wife that i am sorry and that i wont let it happen again please help has this problem is now a big one Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): Your poor wife! No wonder she feels like that, I don't blame her! Put yourself in her shoes, how do you feel? Pain, hurt, disappointed, let down? You have to show her your sorry and that you didn't mean it.
For starters you can tell your family that she was hurt about it and that you shouldn't have done it. If they won't accept that you were just going along with them then that is very immature and you can tell them that, whether it hurts or not. Your wife was hurt so you have to hurt a little bit to sort it.
Take her out for a meal somewhere and talk about it. Ask her to pour out her heart to you; that might also be something that will hurt you. Let's just say, as your wife she trusted you and you have let her down.
Tell her how sorry you are and try to make her understand that you were just going along with your family but it won't happen again. Reassure her that you love her.
But don't get angry or be surprised if she doesn't forgive you or understand. Be surprised if she ever does.
A
male
reader, SabreWolf +, writes (12 November 2006):
Honestly I think taking everything you said right there, sitting down with your wife, and saying the exact same thing to her would be a good start. You've got to get her to trust you again, and the best way to do that is to communicate your feelings to her. Be apologetic and understanding, and if she wants you to cut off ties with your family, be firm with her that you can't do that (it is your family, after all, and it shouldn't be a choice between her and them). Ask her what you can do to make it better, and then do what you can of what she says. You should probably stand up before your mother and sister and say that although you have allowed them to say things in the past, it is no longer appropriate for them to keep doing this.
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