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female
,
anonymous
writes: I live with my boyfriend, I love him, but I can't be with him anymore. Lately he's been acting crazy. Accussing me of doning terrible things. Whether it's having orgies when he's not home to doing hard drugs with our friends. I can't handel his paranoia anymore. No matter what I do or say, he thinks I'm lieing. It even got to the point where he whent to my friends house in the middle of the night and forced her to tell him any kind of dirt she had on me. She didn't have much; because I've never done anything that bad at all, and he still thinks she was lieing. Every day it's something new. He's constantly searching for some kind of "incriminating" clue against me. I don't want to countinue our relationship because of this. Im sad, but I think breaking up may be the right choice. What do you think about this one?
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male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (12 November 2006):
 I have to agree with pica. It seems like he suffers from a personality disorder. He should speak to his doctor. I would say he was most definitely paranoid.
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.
• Unwillingness to forgive perceived insults
• Excessive sensitivity to setbacks
• Distrustfulness and excessive self-reliance
• Projection of blame onto others
• Consumed by anticipation of betrayal
• Combative and tenacious adherence to personal rights
• Relentlessly suspicious
Treatment Techniques
Zimmerman (1994, pp. 87-89) suggests the following questions when assessing individuals for paranoid personality disorder:
• Have you ever had experiences where people who seemed to be your friends took advantage of you? What happened? Has this happened often?
• Are you adept at spotting deception or someone who is trying to con you? How are you able to tell?
• Do you find yourself concerned that others are trying to hurt you?
• Do you worry that friends or co-workers will try to hurt you? What has caused this concern? Has it affected your life?
• Are you reluctant to confide in others? Why?
• Have you ever been hurt by having shared something personal with others?
• Do people seem to do things just to annoy you? Can you give an example?
• Do you find yourself accepting what others say at face value or do you try to figure out what they really mean?
• Do you find that comments often contain hidden insults?
• If you are hurt by someone's behavior, do you stay angry a long time?
• Are there people you have never forgiven for an insult?
• Have you experienced people trying to damage your reputation, e.g. at work, even though they denied they were doing it?
• Do people ever tell you that you take offense too easily or you read too much into what is said? Can you give an example?
• Do you worry that your partner is unfaithful?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): work things out. assure him that you're doing nothing wrong. make sure that you've done everything u can, but if it still doesnt work, then get out.
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (12 November 2006):
Actually I think he could be suffering from some kind of mental illness. The behaviour you've described goes way beyond the everyday insecurities that we all have to some extent. Do other people see a change in his behaviour? Can you speak to a doctor about it? I don't think you can prop him up at your own expense though, emotionally speaking. I Good luck.
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A
female
reader, cuddlyserenity +, writes (11 November 2006):
 you dont say how long you have been with this 'man'.
but if it were me, i would get out now.
i too live with a man like that and have been for the past 10 years. whatever i do is wrong and everytime i open my mouth, i am supposedly lying even when im not.
they bring you down to nothing and its a helluva job to get back up on top again.
your man is basically an insecure boy and feels that this is the only way of being in control. he is the type that wouldnt believe the sky is blue unless he checked and then wouldnt apoligise for the stress he has caused.
there is the other angle, that he is cheating himself and is trying to make it look as you have done wrong, to make him look good when you do split.
dont waste your life with him.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 November 2006):
 If you're young, not of legal age, talk with your parents. If you're an adult, you have to know that this is just the tip of the iceburg. He's not rational. Either you did something to scare him or he's possesive,contoling and jealous. If it's the latter, watch out because it will get worse.
Never pay the price for a crime you didn't commit. He'll have every reason in the book to try and get you to conform to his ways but remember, he's seeing you through confused eyes. Be careful.
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