A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: my partners abuse is making me depressed and unwell. hes constantly calling me names and putting me down. the other day he went mad because i stepped in something and my shoe was dirty he was yelling and yelling at me and said hes locking me out the house which he did. when i got in he started threatening to head butt me and i was so scared. he thrown hot tea over me and this behaviour is becoming worse. i have been kicked before and i feel like a nervous wreck. i told him i cant take anymore my mental health is suffering and i will have to leave as this doesnt feel like love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2020): It is very easy for people to say contact family and ask if you can go there. I think you are smart enough to have thought of such simple solutions yourself. The reason you are still with boyfriend is either because you have nowhere to go which is safe and nice and known such as family. Either you have no family or you do not get on well with them and they are not that supportive and caring. Or you are still with boyfriend because you just wanted to vent and you live in this fantasy world where he will say sorry and change. Believe me he will not change. He might promise you changes and they may happen for a few hours or days or maybe weeks. But that is the best it will ever get. The longer you tolerate it the longer it continues. Only you can end it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2020): I know everyone is telling you to leave; but you're scared, and you don't really know where to go. You don't want to be kicked-out of your own house; all your belongings are still there. Like most abused-women, you still love him; and you can't bring yourself to leave him. Please don't wait until you're severely injured! Oh, how I wish there was someway we could be there to help you; but that isn't possible!
You need to contact the police and file a report of assault. You probably won't do that. You don't want him to be arrested. Then how will you survive this, if you take no action to protect yourself? You don't mention your family; so I speculate you have no family to turn to. Maybe you're estranged from family, or too distant from them for that to be an option. You probably wouldn't be here posting if you had options. Many women in abusive-relationships come from dysfunctional-families. They continue the cycle. That's why they need trauma and abuse counseling; and a support-system to help them. First, they have to gather the courage to leave. May God give you the strength!
If you can call family to come get you, pack and get out of there...IMMEDIATELY! You have to file a police complaint; and get an order of protection to get and keep him away from you. You probably won't do that...like I said. You don't want to get him in trouble. Fear paralyzes, and uncertainty will make you hesitant to seek any help. You have to do something; or you will live in total horror! Something is wrong with him! You are not safe around him, my dear!!!
You have to save yourself. You have to report the abuse, and file assault and domestic-abuse charges if necessary; or he will hurt you so badly you'll end-up in a hospital...or worse! If you have to leave with nothing but the clothes on your back, sweetheart; do it if that's the only way to save your skin. Call somebody, anybody sympathetic and kind enough to give you shelter. I think the police will find you a safe place or women's shelter; if you go to them as soon as you can. Instead of waiting for another one of his rages. When you file your complaint; ask to speak specifically to a female-officer. Male-officers tend to be unsympathetic to domestic-abuse. "Their hands are always tied!" I don't know why. That's not always true, but take no chances. You need and deserve to be taken seriously, and treated with kindness. Even if they can't do anything, a female-officer will think of someway to find you help. I'm not downing male-officers; but sensitivity to these situations is not one of their strengths.
May God protect you and give you strength. May He lead you to safety!
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (2 October 2020):
 I know its hard, but really your only option here is to leave him.
He is verbally and physically abusive, and i don't think things are going to change anytime soon. You need to get out of this abusive relationship and find alternative accommodation.
Is there any family and friends you can temporarily move in with. I think if you told family and friends what is going on in your relationship they would be very supportive.
A head butt/hot water, OP you need to get out of there soon rather than later. If you don't want to do it alone, get a family member, or friend to help you pack up your things. You really need to do this before he actually does something more serious that hot tea.
Don't be alone through this, confide in family, friends, a problem shared is a problem halved.
But as i have already said, you must leave there, you will feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders if you do.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 October 2020):
 Sweetheart, I think you already know what to do but, like many, the thought of change scares you.
Let me tell you definitely, this is NOT love. Love does NOT hurt. Love does NOT abuse. Love does NOT humiliate. Love does NOT bully. This man does NOT NOT NOT love you. You deserve so much better.
Sort out a place to go, pack your things and leave. This is NOT better than being alone. Find your inner strength and get away from his abusive bully.
Thinking of you. x
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 October 2020):
 There's only one possible advice to give you and you know it : leave . Now. Also if you don't have a place to go, or no friends or relatives who could take you in until you are back on your feet financially. There are women shelters, or charity organizations. A Catholic church ( at least here in my country ) would certainly find you a temporary shelter no matter what religion you are, and I have no reason to think that Protestant churches do not have the same level of compassion and resourcefulness.
Head butt ? Hot water ? You have been kicked ? ... This sounds severely dangerous, and if it becomes any worse , as you say that already is becoming, pretty soon you could be dead.
This doesn't feel like love ? no wonder. But please, for the time being, do not worry about love and relationships and stuff like that. Worry about staying safe and protecting your life !
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 October 2020):
 Look into a woman's shelter and leave him, you know this isn't healthy.
Throwing hot tea? Threatening to headbutt you? I mean why stay? What is in it for you? Are you just waiting for him to maim or kill you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2020): As you know and as you said you must leave, so sort it out quickly, it makes more sense than writing to us letting off steam. What good will that do you? Do you want us to tell you that he loves you and will say sorry? Even if he says sorry you know he will do it again - it is only a matter of whether it is sooner or later! He does not respect you so why stay? Go. Please do not make the mistake that so many silly women make - of staying and moaning instead. Your future is in your hands. If you are still there a year from now, you will still be miserable and only yourself to blame.No doubt you will come up with excuses to stay put with him. Your choice then. My first husband was very much the same as this man. I ended it asap, it was hard, I had no support, nobody at all, no money, nothing. But it had to be done.
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