A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, in August, I started talking to this guy from Hinge. His name is Gabriel. I'm really into him and I think he is into me, too -- or maybe was? A week after our first conversation, his grandmother passed away. They were very close, he said. Gabriel and his family went to Greece to bury her with her husband. Gabriel said he would like to go out with me when he comes back. It's been about 3 weeks since he last texted me. I've been texting him about once or twice a week just saying things like "Hey, just wanted to say Hi" and "Hope you're doing okay." So far, he hasn't replied back. He told me before he left that he wouldn't be on his phone that much during his time in Greece. I understood that because he is grieving. His last message was from September 8th. He hasn't replied to the ones after that. I'm trying to be supportive and understanding. I lost my dad last year so I know what he's going through. I want to help him and be the person he comes to about difficult stuff. It's still hard for me even a year later. I just wish that he would talk to me, but my dad always said "If a guy likes you, he will do something about it. If he isn't, then he isn't worth your time." Should I give up on Gabriel? Or wait for him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2020): Suggest that he seek bereavement counseling or consult with his therapist. He shouldn't deal with his depression and grief without some counseling. He just faced a devastating loss. When depression becomes debilitating or isolating; that means it's time for some professional help. His depression must be pretty serious!
Your father was right. He might use his depression or his grandmother's death as a convenient excuse. Even then, you should show those thinking of you and seeking to comfort you respect and appreciation as a courtesy. You don't just ignore them; leaving them concerned for your well-being.
This is a preview of what it would be like dealing with him. If he found your words comforting, he didn't have to wait weeks to acknowledge your messages. I don't think his friendship is worth your time. Move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2020): "If a guy likes you, he will do something about it. If he isn't, then he isn't worth your time."
These words of wisdom are more than enough!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI finally heard from Gabriel yesterday. He told me that his lack of response was due to his depression. According to him, losing his grandmother was sort of "the straw that broke the camel's back." He was dealing with depression beforehand. He told me it was a mistake to try dating, but said that it ultimately had nothing to do with me. He thought my messages were very sweet and comforting. He's just not ready but would like for us to be just friends. I still like him, but I've realized that maybe I'm not ready for a relationship either. Losing my dad is still hard for me and I think it's best to be alone for now.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 October 2020):
 I think you should listen to your Dad.
I am afraid Gabriel is not as interested as you thought he was.
True that he may still be abroad, busy with his family , and this would not be the time for long cozy phone chats , but it's 3 weeks ! that you have no news, - surely in 3 weeks anybody, if he wants, has the time to drop you a quick text just to say " I am ok, but very busy right now ". or words to that effect.
FWIW, I think that you have been ghosted. But even if Gabriel should pop up back in a week or two...I would not give him the time of the day no matter what his excuse is. Unless of course he had been unconscious in a coma so far .
Any other reason for his silence ...will only be bullshit, because, at least, a very basic show of decent manners would be to say something, in 30 days !, to the person who is waiting to hear from you- and that he would not do that just because he was in Greece ( it's Greece: Europe. civilized world. They've got phone, Internet, everything. He wasn't on the Afgan mountains among warring tribesmen ! ) shows that he is too rude for you to be dating him.
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male
reader, kenny  +, writes (2 October 2020):
 I think that you should refrain from texting now, you have sent enough nice texts asking how he is getting on and received no response, so i think the ball is in his court now to respond to you.
Even tho he said he won't be on his phone during that time, i still feel three weeks is quite a long time to not respond to someone, it really does not take that much time to just say hi, all ok.
I think if it goes over a month and you have still heard anything, then i would consider maybe looking to go on dates with other people.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 October 2020):
 Do you have other prospects who are there and WANT to go out with you?
If you do, I'd say go on dates.
If you really WANT to get to know Gabriel better, then you can still go on dates but perhaps keep sex out of the picture.
How long do you FEEL you should wait for someone?
It can be he can't call/text from there - but he can snapchat, email or skype - all for free..... So yes, if he REALLY wanted to get to know you and "make sure" you knew he was serious, it wouldn't take that long to let you know that he is OK and will talk to you when he can.
He does have a lot to deal with, if he was close to his grandparents.
And there is the time difference as well.
And... being in a place like Greece where he probably has a lot of people to visit and places to see.
I think it's entirely up to you how long you want to wait.
If you are OK with him having "put you on a shelf" for his return.. maybe.. to take you back down and get to know you, then what is the hurry to go out and look for another date?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2020): You are being far too pushy and demanding - it will put him off.
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