A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My partner has a 14 year old son who sees him every sunday 10.30 - 7 to be precise (not an hour less neither an hour more) and he only lives down the road so i can't see why he can't see him whenever. i work saturdays and he has his son sundays so i tend to keep out of the way to let them have some time together, therefore only get to see him on an evening after 5 o clock when he it tired. we spent the sunday just gone together as he changed the day to see his son on a saturday (first time in over a month). this weekend coming he has the son the saturday and sunday so as i want to spend valentines day with him i asked him if he could let his son know either to come round on the sautrday (giving two weeks notice) or could he come round one night in the week. my partner said i am selfish and that we could meet on valentines night at about 8oclock. as his girlfriend i obviously want to see him all day. is there really a problem with him changing the day because i don't see one - maybe so if it was most weekends. it's not as if he takes his son anywhere he only plays his xbox in another room all day. whats the problem with his coming round for a few hours - it's one weekend out of a year. i know his child is always going to come first and that's natural but there is more than one day in the week. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (5 February 2010):
 So this man was dating you last year when you were 17? Ick.
He's broke and he ignores you; why do you stay with him? And please don't use "because I love him" as an excuse--think of some concrete reasons to stay in this relationship. I ask you this not for the benefit of me and the other Aunts, but so you can take a serious look at this relationship and figure out if it's worth all of the drama.
Sounds like the Valentine's Day issue is the straw that broke the camel's back. Clearly, there are larger issues at play here.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): OP: I think you know that this is not the man for you... you don't deserve to be treated like this... and you know that he has had other failed relationships. He is not treating you right. And he's confused about what he wants. You can sense something is wrong. So take your decision accordingly.
You have not said why you are with him... What is it that you need so much that you can put with bearing the burden of his problems. There are nicer people out there... why not give yourself a break? Are you so much a part of the drama that you don't see yourself out of it? What does it matter what his ex wife does? Or how they treat their child... You are not invited to take part in any of these decisions - not even of changing which day of the week they will play comp games in two differnt rooms!
You have just listed tons of reasons why you should not be in this relationship...
I think a lot of parents are overwhelmed with the idea of being a parent. Once they divorce, they feel guilt-ridden for having deprived the child of a 'normal' life.
In your case it is not relevant since your BF sounds like he's just not into you. He's not leaving you out of "some things with kids and ex". You say he is not putting effort in anything. It's NOT about his son. It's about him and you. I don't there is space to be a stepparent. One does not even know if he is integrating you in his life, leave alone introducing his son to you!
Treating your girlfriend badly (which is the boyfriend is doing) does not make him a good parent. It only makes him a bad boyfriend.
For all these single, oh my god, parents - It's his life and his relationships. It's not a competition. Anyone should be able to manage them without having to tell people that they come first or second or someone else does. It's more like a package deal. Some cultures do that with their parents - say that mommy comes first and play to her tune and tantrums. And it causes exactly the same problems.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (5 February 2010):
 If you are 18 and he is 50, maybe being from completely different generations, your ideas and beliefs about Valentines day are just complete polar opposites? He has had a lifetime of Valentines, probably spent a lot of money over the years.
You, are in the first flush of romance, and that is all that matters to you. Love should be expressed every day of the year, one day shouldnt make any difference.
I also worry, that you are only 4 years older than his son. It does make me wonder, if maybe you two are suited to each other. From what you have said, he is preoccupied with his children, and rightly so. You are preoccupied with the teenage desire for lots of sex and a very full on romantic relationship. Often as people get older, that is no longer the priority in life. Other things, such as kids take over. I agree with the other posters, he feels guilty about it. Also, what would happen, if he did dump his child, then his ex got in a huff and refused to let him see them? It is not unheard of. How would you feel then? Happy to have got rid of the kids and that you now had him all to yourself?
How long do you forsee your relationship lasting? When he is retired (65) you will only be 33. I know people go on about age not being an issue, but sometimes, it is. Especially where attitudes, viewpoints and opinins are concerned.
Valentines day is one day out of 365. It really isnt a big issue. Make every time you see him special, or is this all about him treating you? Do you see this day as the only time he will show his romantic side?
If this is the only way you can feel he cares and is romantic, then I really do think you should reconsider your relationship, and find a man more of your own age, who has the same expectations of live, love and sex, and does not have the same emotional baggage tying him down.
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A
female
reader, Share Bear +, writes (5 February 2010):
 Wow- I love the irony that the poster genuinely seems more mature than her older boyfriend! I hadn't realised the extent of the age difference- and yet I honestly think that he's not mature enough for you! ...not that I'm suggesting that you look for a bigger age gap!! :)
Hmm- I do understand what the anonymous poster means about this man's guilt factor- but only where there is a reason for the guilt- and hence there NOT being in Not My Name's situation at all! But for the OP's partner, it seems that he's just going through the motions of fulfilling his weekly time quota irrespective of 'quality'. He is more concerned with filling in his timesheet saying he spent all day with his son, than he is actually motivated to make the effort to enjoy this time spent with his son- and to encourage any healthy development or enjoyable life experience for his son.
I'm starting to think that the best solution would be for the son to enjoy a day out with the OP whilst the boyfriend stops at home playing on his son's X box...!
To the OP. I had already wondered about him using the first Valentines Day experience to 'impress' you even before you confirmed this. Its as bad as the Nationwide advert where 'new customers only' get free pens only to entice them to sign up! I really think there's a lot more out there for you in the world than there is with this man.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (5 February 2010):
To anon female: the reason you are posting anonymously is probably because even you don't believe your own BS.
To Original Poster: I completely do understand; my boyfriend is 2 decades older than me. There are times when we cannot be together because of his committment to his adult son who has his own family too. I spent Christmas and New Year without him because his child who is my age wanted him there in their home country and at a moment's he up and flew out on a 10 hour flight $3000 ticket, upsetting all our plans. I could sit here stewing about the expense and not being first but I am understanding because I have my own children too. So I understand his time needs to be shared like how I also have to leave him out on some things that are for my kids and ex. I understand your frustration and would probably be the same if I was in your position. Maternal instincts usually only kick in when you have your own... Perhaps you need to really take a second look and decide if dating a man who will always put his kids before you is something you can live with. A friend of mine had your identical problem except her man had 5 kids who he insisted on having over at the house trashing stuff and all the not-cute stuff kids do. She ended up marrying him and when she had a child with him 4 years ago, the complaining was over. Why? Because he was attentive and lavished attention on their new child just as he did with his own 5. So if you can't handle it perhaps you need to reassess if this step-parent thing is for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe mother of his children obviously hate us together.
however, she isn't much of a parent either, put it this way - it was her 40th bday party the other weekend and her children were not allowed to go(it was only a disco and they are old enough not to play up so i thought that was rather unfair).
when she wants to go out the child gets left on his own so it's not as though she's going out on valentines day because she's got to look after him because if that's the case then he will be looking after his step sister who's 9.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (5 February 2010):
 *oop, ..wrote 'single' in last para when meaning 'childless', ...guess that was my natural inclination coming out backwards, at seeing parenting as a multi person relationship and commitment. :-)
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female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (5 February 2010):
To the OP - Have you asked his son's mother if there is a problem changing the day? Who says she is not pulling the strings on access and does not have her own day planned and giving the dad no option but Sunday or not at all?
It seems now tho that you are revealing a lot more underlying issues in your relationship that are obviously contibuting factors to this issue and are really about your day to day life, ...so why look at VD as a bandaid. Sort the everyday stuff with him.
To the anon detractor rebutting others, ... when you are a parent and KNOW that perfect unconditional love, ...then come back and tell us all about it. At the moment tho, it is clear you are not in a position of experience to have a valid comment on the parenting parameters of others. Just an ill informed opinion - which you are entitled to of course. I find your 'guilt' concept just bizarre tho, ... no matter which way I have twisted it around and tried to look at each angle.
I have no guilt, my boyfriend (or conveniece as you called him ..lol - if only U knew lol) has no guilt either for applying the same standard with his own children. We don't have to feel bad for choosing to be good parents - that is just absurd! Our devotion as parents are part of the qualities that attract us to each other as the kind of people we want to spend time with. Like hell I would bother with some guy who was a dead beat dad putting his kids second - it just would not say much about him as a person worthy of my respect and love.
The solution for all is simple tho, ... don't date people with children if you don't have and hold your own in the same esteem as to be able to understand why a parent makes the choices that they make.
If your single and you want to be princess for the day, then make sure their are no other prince's or princess' in their life who may encroach on your desire to be centre stage.
Then everyone is happy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionangzw: i really don't think you can even begin to understand the way i'm feeling. imagine being 18 with a man of 50 who always always always makes you feel second. i feel as though his son and i should be equal in different ways - the boy as a son and me as his girlf. i feel quite hurt that he (how u and share bear suggested) hasn't tried to say anything about spending some other time.
i feel as though i go all out for him all of the time - booking hotels (all on money from a part time job as i'm still at college) but the money dosen't matter but i'd just like him to meet me halfway sometimes.
i'm not expecting a replay of last year (then he was clearly trying to 'buy' me and impress me and i know he went into debt for that, it's not about spending money it's about spending time with me! it seems as though now he's impressed he feels he doesn't have to bother).
obviously i'm young so am going to want to do these things - i make an effort to show interest in ever what he's interested in and would appreciate if he could do the same.
he never consults things with me but tells me how things are going to be. he said 'well sorry there are going to be times when i say no' (not that he sounded at all sorry).
he's going on like i've told him to not bother seeing the kid that week, i've actually taken the boy into consideration - giving him a two weeks notice - it's not as if it's the night before! i myself as an outsider feel as though he couldn't really care about his son and just uses him as an excuse - never takes him anywhere, lets him spend all day on his xbox all day without a word to eachother (he sould give him a time limit on it so they can spend time together), they could even sit to the table to have some sort of family time.
in the 8 months they didn't see each other (except 5 times) he could have suggested the boy coming on an evening etc but he kept going on about their routine. my boyf likes routine and as his boy hasn't known any different as he's only just starting to grow up he's not going to like it if the rountine is changed but doesn't mind changing it when it suits him (like all kids).
my partner seems scared of changing things with his children or saying no because he wants to 'put them first'.
he's got this thing in his head that the son has to be with him 'all day' and a few hours wont't do (even though it's for one week) which i can't understand because they don't have anything to say to eachother.
i feel that he's really selfish, any decent man would see things through his woman's eyes as well as his childrens. he's had about 15 failed relationships due to his kids and i can see why, i don't think he's treat me any different if i was 30!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): Thanks Sharebear :) I agree... psychologists say that children will model their relationship behaviour on your relationships. If they see you being happy, they'll, in their relationships, seek happiness.
Divorced singles with kids often feel very, very guilty about what they have done to the child...and instead of creating a happy life in which the child is included they start blowing the trumpet of how the child comes first. Its caters to their guilt and creates situations such as this one.
@Angzw
Law?! It's a law in your head. All laws are based on principles and goodness. Not guilt.
The step-parent or new lover often doesn't not know that s/he will be sucked into someone's guilt trap. OP has never indicated that she has a problem with the child. Her BF, who is the parent, seems to have a problem.
You think seeing your child on Saturday instead of Sunday means the child has suddenly become a secondary priority? Wow!
I am talking about divorced single parents: if you cannot find a way to balance your romance with your parenting don't date!
Yes,I agree she may decide to leave him. But certainly not because she cannot handle someone else being a priority but because the BF cannot seem to handle his relationships. He has not come to terms with what it means to be a dad and a BF. Till he figures that out, he should be off the market.
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (4 February 2010):
... Which is why I said if you can't handle the law then leave the relationship!!!! Who talked about parents? We are talking about lovers and step children!!!!!! If you can't handle your partner prioritizing his kids then find one without! Pure and simple.
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A
female
reader, Share Bear +, writes (4 February 2010):
Female anon- can I just say that you made some excelllent points in your last post!You're right- there are many ways that he could reaassure her, even if in the end he finds another time/ makes efforts with the OP in other way.It's rarely a good idea to prolong a relationship solely for your offspring, however. In the long run, a child Needs to see their parents happy. And we certainly would not wish our own children to suffer a similar unhappy/ unfulfilling relationship.But, having entered a new relationship- you're so right; every little decision cannot be levelled solely on the basis that his partner comes second, without any consideration to making everyone happy- which may not even affect his scheduling to see his son on the Saturday, but may be more about reassurance/ making this up to the OP in other ways. His son may be his priority, but that isn't to say that his girlf isn't important too! If he is so eager to be such a good dad, perhaps it would be worth him creating some quality of life for his son other than spending All day inside alone on the x-box Every w/end?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): OP: You are getting a raw deal. You are right. And it does not matter how much money one spends. You can have a nice day without splurging. Seriously, you may be better off going to the Mariott with a friend or start dating again. This man does not sound like a keeper. He is finacially not stable. He has one failed relationship. He has a son that he cannot meet often because the step dad is a better dad, perhaps. And he calls you selfish!
He does not make an effort to see you much at all, you say... so why not assume he's just not into you. And find someone nicer.
@Angzw
No, who was there first does not cut it. That would include everyone from his family to his parents and his friends. I have said it earlier and I am saying it again. Divorced moms and dads are often guilt ridden and their parenting is about guilt - esp in this case. Any relationship based on a negative emotion is a pain. Till they have not sorted that they have no business dating people. There are too many of them floating around - just as many as deadbeat dads.
If the child actually came first you should have stayed married, no matter what and proritised the child over his real mom or dad! Neither parent has done that and now a non-parent must bear the brunt of this pretended devotion!
If you do not give the relationship its due place in your life, you will end up divorced again. A relationship with your significant other needs to come first. Of course, a single parent needs to work extra hard to find a partner who will be able to accept the package deal and be happy with it. Once he has found her, he needs to be sure that every little decision is not a moral choice about who comes first!
And I am sure its not good for the child either! Its creating codependence.
OP is NOT saying she does not like the child. She is NOT saying he needs to choose. Her BF is acting out his guilt over not being a good dad. No one deserves to be treated like that.
It was the BF's job to reassure her that she is special and that he may need to spend the day with his son but he will make it up to her... Or make sure that he spends enough time with her on other days so she feels every day is Valentine's Day. This man does not sound like he has the time or that he cares.
But given that she is barely five years older than his son, maybe he has other issues too. Being a parent is not a get-out-of-jail free card.
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (4 February 2010):
I just wanted to point out that spending time with your child doesn't necessarily mean you have to be juggling balls just to show them your love. Just being there; being available in the next room or just doing absolutely nothing besides being there is also being a good parent.
As for anon female's comments; the reason why everyone is saying she should accept is because of the universal law of "who was there first". If you go into a relationship with someone who you know is a parent, then you have to accept that law and learn to live with it. If you can't, then you have to find a single guy with no kids then you can demand to be first.
And same anon female picked up on an important issue; if he doesn't have money, perhaps he is trying to lower your expectations for this year. You say he has financial problems and he knows what an expense it is and that you expect him to outdo last year when he was still trying to impress you. Even if you were chipping in, maybe he feels emasculated as men are usually the ones who are supposed to make a fuss over this day. Perhaps that's a similar issue with his son, he can't provide for him financially or take him to football like step dad, but he can be there and sacrifice a day like that for his boy. You know, sometimes when you love someone, you have to let your personal demands go for a moment and do something that makes them comfortable; I think this is your opportunity to say you know what? We have next year to make it up so let's just go grab a pizza with your son this year. I think be might appreciate it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your comments.
yh i can see what u all mean about vday being a con etc but fathers day was really important to him with his child, i was fobbed off at last minute - i was understanding about that.
i said to my partner why is saturday any different all he says 'oh because it is, he's my child etc' but he never gives a proper reason.
he rarely makes an effot with me so on this occasion, a day dedicated for lovers - it would have been nice especially as i booked up the marriot for lunch.
all he does saturdays is take his mum food shopping and watch t.v whilst his son sees friends - i don't see why he can't see his friends sundays.
my partner never has any money so it's not as if he's planned to take his son out, his son sits in another room to my partner for most of the day, playing his xbox alone only coming out when he wants food etc.
i said why can't he see him on a week night (just for this occasion if the son can't make it on the saturday) but he says he doesn't want to see his son for a couple of hours and wants to spend the whole day (but like i said he sits in my partners room alone on his xbox so he doesn't really see him anyway, obviously being a boy of 14 he doesn't hold much converstaion and just gruntd when he's asked a question).
he only saw his son 5 times in 8 months because the son was busy with his friends on saturdays and busy sundays with his step dad taking him football etc because my partner's in a tight financial situation.
he dedicates every weekend to his son (and daughter who recently hasn't been coming over) but for just weekend it would have been nice for it to be dedicated to me as i don't make a fuss that he wants weekends with his kids without me. as someone pointed out about the age difference - it is akward because the kid is more like my litlle brother.
he's made such a fuss about him coming round for tea in the week when i don't see the problem for one week. if his son lived miles away i could see the problem but he lives 10 mins walk maximum.
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A
female
reader, Share Bear +, writes (3 February 2010):
I started out agreeing with the earlier replies to this post. I'm not especially fussed by Valentines either way. Its a nice idea, but its fairly irrelevant to any personal relationship- you can be romantic towards each other any and every day. I'm also something of a cynic that if someone cares so much about what happens on this particular (and lets face it- pretty random) date- it may be partly motivated by outside pressure and how your relationship appears to/ amongst others, and towards what you both Should feel, rather than what you actually do feel.But reading your follow ups... especially since you enjoyed a special day for it last year, and IF he does rarely make the effort otherwise...I'm curious- what's stopping your boyfriend seeing his son on Saturdays when you're at work? (Football??) -If he's so keen to be a 'good' dad, why doesnt he want to see him more often than once a week if he lives so close and there's really nothing stopping him? If he seems sooo determined not to swap days to be a 'good' dad, why does he show no interest in sometimes seeing him on other days as well towards being a 'better' dad? -He's treating his kid more like a fixed weekly appointment more than he is responding to specific 'needs'?Do you maybe think he's just happy to avoid the pressure (and cost??) of having to do something as special as last year for the day?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): I don't know about Valentine's day and all - OP seems to suggest that it was a special day for them last year. So who am I to judge?The issue is the child. And going against all these pro-child posters here I'd say that if you don't know how to make your partner feel like the first priority, pl don't get into relationships. To the poster, who'd choose her child over her bf anyday, good for her. Why even call him a bf? What you have is a convenience. To the OP: You may want to see where this is going... You have been together more than a year and you still cannot spend weekends means he has serious issues. And his anger shows that he feels terrible about abandoning the child... So each time he has to or you ask him make a practical arrangement he'll make a huge moralising deal. He has no other outlet so will take it out on you each time you want something close to a normal relationship. He cannot be with the child everyday and feels guilty about it. He's training himself to be a 'good' dad... when in 'normal' families dads never give it that much thought. They're just there, around. Till he manages to sort out his guilt, he's not ready for a relationship and what it entails. To other posters: If a spouse was complaining that the other has become totally child-centric and keeps putting kids ahead of the relationship, everyone would sympathise. But when it's a girlfriend who's dating a man with kids suddenly these haloes come out. A man or a woman with a child should choose the partner carefully. Should make his/her intentions for dating clear. Should set ground rules regarding children with potential partners. Make sure the child only meets a serious gf/bf, whom you intend to keep in your life forever. But then, s/he needs to make his current partner his priority. Involve him/her in plans. Only if s/he is not good for the child the parent needs to intervene and protect the child. But you cannot start off a "relationship" saying someone else will be priority. It means you are piling on your guilt on the poor new partner. A relationship means accepting the person with his/her concerns. It also means giving yourself fully to the person, without conditions. If you cannot trust your partner to do right by your child, why be with her?If my boyfriend had to see his child on every available holiday, I'd have problems too... But if he took me in confidence and we both worked on having a schedule which gave us time together, him time with his child and us a life, I'd be happy. Cause you know, I am the step parent of this child. And I may love him too. Only unlike his dad I am not burdended by guilt. If you can't handle being a parent and dating, don't date. And certainly don't date singles who want a normal relationship. Choose someone like yourself with a burden of guilt and failed relationships!
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (3 February 2010):
I think this is also an age gap issue. Few people over age 30 celebrate Valentines. Its a day us oldies spend laughing and pointing at all the ridiculous girls wearing red clutching withered roses. It looks like he doesn't attach the same importance to the day as you do. And you want him to somehow prove his love by putting you first on a day that was created by store owners as a way to milk people of their money during the low business period after Christmas and before Spring. Honestly, just let it go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): You obviously want to see him all day? Thats not obvious... I don't get to see my boyfriend all Valentines day, and I've got no problem with that. If he's got other things to do then why not let him, it's not like he can't see you at all on Valentines!!! You two could have a lovely romantic evening out, or a meal at home, or open a bottle of wine and stare into each others eyes ALL NIGHT LONG.
Pick your battles. This isn't a battle worth the fight. Instead, be the girlfriend who accepts that he cant see her all of Valentines, and he'll work his ass off making it up to you all rest of the day... Does a nice long massage sound great?
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (3 February 2010):
Sorry, OP, but no one is going to give you the answer you want to hear--which is that you are right and he is wrong. Stop pouting and start planning how you're going to spend your evening.
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (3 February 2010):
When you are dating a man with children you have to learn to love them as much as your man. Stop making him have to choose, we are not in 3rd grade anymore. Why can't we all just get along??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnot a case of trying to make him pick the kid over me, just changing a day once in a blue moon. it;s not as if i'm saying tell your kid that you can't see him this week!
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male
reader, Sorcerer +, writes (3 February 2010):
If you really don't see the issue, I fear that this will become a recurring pattern in your relationship with this man who is trying to be the best father he can (bearing in mind he doesn't live with his kid) by ensuring, as far as is possible, to spend quality time on a consistent basis. That way, the kid knows where he stands in the scheme of things too - particularly now he has entered the troublesome teens.
Seriously, if this is as big an issue for you as you are making out, I respectfully suggest that dating a man who has kids is probably always going to be a problem for you and that you should reconsider the whole thing. I know that may sound harsh, but it make safe more heartache in the long term.
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female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (3 February 2010):
 You will probably leap to his defence but i get the feeling, reading between the lines. That your bf might not be as romantic as you would wish. Hence Valentines Day being a biggy for you. Thats understandable. In most relationships if they are good ones, theres romance and thought all year round. Little love notes, flowers, presents, meals out, lovely massages, walking along the beach after a nice waterfront dinner ect...my favorite! When you have these things in a relationshup, something like Valentines Day becomes redundant.
But if you dont get those things as is sadly often the case, then something like Valentines highlights this. A bit like Christmas when you arent feeling great. Everyone else is having a blast and it just makes you feel even more down.
If you have friends that are making plans for the day....as my daughter and her mates are doing with their bf`s.... and you are on your own, i can see it making you feel rather UNspecial. Also, you say you work on Saturdays and i guess he choses to see his son on Sundays, and that means you only ever see him alone in the evenings when hes tired. And you rarely have a day together? Thats not great quality time. Im sorry but i dont think its right of your partner to call you selfish just because you would like to spend ONE WHOLE day with him, especially as it is Valentines Day. He could arrange a different day to be with his son. As his son is a teenager and plays on his xbox all day anyway, would he mind? Could you talk to his son and ask him how he would feel about changing the day. If hes cool about switching days, offer to take him out as a thank you, instead of him just being left in a room on an xbox? The poor lad would probably prefer a day out! It doesnt sound to me as if your bf is making much effort with you or his son. Sorry to be blunt x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): I am constantly shocked by the number of women on here who think that Valentine's Day is such a big deal, like you can't express your love for each other on any other day of the year. I just think it's pathetic and give some of us a bad name by such dreadful immaturity and sentimentalitiy. So what if they place xbox all day? It's the fact that son and dad get to spend the day together that's important. And you're seeing him in the evening as well, it's not like you can't see him at all. Moreover, teenagers might be more sensitive to this sort of thing if he sees dad choosing you over him then it will really hurt. Bottom line, you are the gf, he is the son. Kids take priority end of. As an adult you should be grown-up enough to see that one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): His son should definitely comes first no questions asked. If it was your child i'm sure you would want to put them first also. Just be thankful that you will be able to spend some amount of time with him on Valentines Day. Personally I can't spend any of the day with the one I love because he is in the army and is away right now. So think about all the millions of people that can't be with the one they love and consider yourself lucky for being able to see him at all.
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reader, Not My Name +, writes (3 February 2010):
Wow this topic is cropping up lots lately.
My man has 2 kids, ... I will be lucky to see him for half an hour on VD if at all. I don't give a shit! I would choose my own son over my bf every day of the week!
So I hope my man has fun with his children. I am happy he is a good dad and that it means so much to him to spend any time with his kids. He would not be a quality guy imo if he chose me over them! We have all sorts of day's together and don't need John Sands (commercial greeting card company) to tell us when we should make a particular fuss.
Seriously ladies - all of you who have posted questions on this same topic - You are trying to deprive children of their dad's, ... hoping men will choose you over their own blood, ... wake up, if you have a good guy you will rightfully loose, ... if you win, your man aint worth having. If he can flick off his kids, ..then where do you stand one day in the grand scheme of things?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe had a lovely valentines day together last year and i just wanted a repeat performance.
if there was no other day that he could see his son then i wouldn't have mentioned it but as his son can knock for him anytime i don't see the issue.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2010):
 I totally agree with Sorcerer.
His son SHOULD come first.
It's one day. Not even a "real" holiday. It's a day where jewelers, florists and candy makers make a pile of money. That is it. Yeah, I'm a little jaded maybe.
Don't get me wrong I think it's cute with the cupid, flowers ect. But there is more to a relationship then being romantic one day a year.
I can't see why you guys can spend time together even if he has his son.
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reader, Sorcerer +, writes (3 February 2010):
How interesting, there was a very similar question yesterday and I suspect we're all going to say the same thing. You answer your own question at the end - his child is going to come first and that's natural. End of.
There is indeed more than one day in the week. And there are 365 days in the year. Why does Valentine's Day - simply a way for eateries to make a lot of money from idiots who think paying twice as much as usual for a restaurant table than any other day, or florists to make a fortune on sending flowers - therefore have to be such a big deal?
Your partner doesn't say you can't do anything, you can get together in the evening. If it was a Thursday, would you expect him to take the whole day off work to be with you? That might be a nice gesture on your birthday or a real anniversary but Valentine's Day?
I'm afraid anyone who makes Valentine's Day any major issue probably needs to get out more.
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