A
female
age
51-59,
*oulabelle
writes:My partner of 4 years is very controlling about everything even down to what we eat. We recently split for a couple of weeks when i found out he'd looked at porn on the internet. We got back together after talks, because I'd seen what he'd looked at he says I monitor his every move. I feel he withholds little its of affection like kisses and cuddles as a control thing because he knows they are important to me. I asked tonight if he was happy because there'd been no signs of affection for 3 days and now he says I'm monitoring him again. Which I'm not, I did it once out of curiosity. I just don't know what to do. I feel like i'm in a no win situation.
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got back together, porn, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Loulabelle +, writes (17 April 2008):
Loulabelle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I have abandonment issues relating to my childhood. That is so bizarre that you were able to pick that up from the brief info I put. I have requested counselling for my issues, but he doesn't do negative so couples counselling is not an issue. He feels that our relationship is hard work and it should be easy, but i am sure no relationship is easy, just some people don't get bogged down in the bad bits they move on and remember the good bits. There are more good bits in our relationship than bad surprisingly.Thanks guys. xx
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 I need some more information. What does he control and why would you throw out a relationship because the guy viewed porn? Shouldn't you talk about it first?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Why did you get back together? Did he come back and ask for a second chance, or did you ask him to come back?
I ask because it sounds like you two are still dealing with issues that haven't been resolved. He feels spied on, you feel that he's not being affectionate. This won't resolve unless you two are really communicating and hearing each other's issues.
Maybe it's time for considering couples counseling? If you both are in this to make it work, you should be able to agree on this point.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Wow, he can tell you what to eat but look at porn online? Something sounds really wrong here!
You don't have to put up with this behaviour, I suggest you leave him.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (16 April 2008):
This is not a happy relationship. Is it really worth fighting and going through all this niggling stress and constant scrutiny?
Would you not be happier in a place of your own with all the freedom you want?
I'd have a good think about what you want from your love life and see if this guy is ever going to match up to it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, salvation +, writes (16 April 2008):
talk to him about it make him understand how your feeling and dont let him take control of you or your life if it comes down to it you being free is more important than him. If it does come down to that there are always better guys out there. Good luck
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (16 April 2008):
 RUN!!! things will not get better...guys like this only get worse
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