A
male
age
,
*arsh
writes:I am the only wage earner in the family and have to work away one sometimes two nights a week. When at home I have to do all the cooking and when away my partner only buys readymade meals. The house is a mess because she says she is not a housewife. Am I wrong to ask for her to look after the house and cook sometimes as she won't get a job Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Marsh +, writes (23 July 2007):
Marsh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
Thank you to all who have offered advice to me. sorry I have taken so long to reply I have just got in from work. This is my first time ever I have spoken about my problems and i must say it feels great to here from others. I supose I try to understand that doing boring thing at home isn't nice and feel bad about pushing her to do some of these tasks. I will take comments on board and try a different approach. Thank you all, im sure you will be hearing from me again.
Marsh
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (16 July 2007):
Honestly, your wife is being very lazy, which must be very frustrating for you. If she doesnt work and shes not a housewife then what is she? What does she contribute to your family?
What does she do all day if she doesnt do any housework? Does she just do things she ejoys?
Honestly your wife needs a wakeup call. The only way someone can go around life not doing anyhting, not workng, not doing any housework is if the other person lets them. Expect more of her and make her live up to those expectations. Dont be afraid to expect more, because you deserve more then what you are geting.
If she doesnt want to be a 'housewife' for whatever reason then tell her she has to find SOMEWAY to contribute to the family and the only other option would be to get a job so then you can afford a cleaner to do the housework, nanny for the kids (if you have kids) and to be able to eat out at restaurants all the time. Buteven then, with two incomes thats stil could be very hard.
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 P.S. You might tell her if she's not a "housewife" then she needs to go get a job and pay half the bills. A housewife's job is a lot of work, and it's understandable that they don't make any money doing it. But if she shuns that title then she better pull in an income.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (16 July 2007):
I don't think it's wrong to expect more, but I'm not sure you're going to get it. Sometimes you have to decide if the good qualities in a partner are worth the bad ones.
Until she realizes that this is a deal breaker, she's going to continue to act the way she has. I'm sorry I don't have better news.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 I think you're not wrong. I know housekeeping is horrible, but it's you two who need to do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): Not at all. In a relationship it takes both people to put in an effort. I know it might sound generalised but it applies to your situation aswell.
I suggest you talk to her about it. I personally dont see this situation improving if it stays like this.
My 2 cents atleast.
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A
male
reader, Dick Diva  +, writes (16 July 2007):
You are not wrong to ask for help. Working together ask a team toward a common set of standards and goals is wonderful dream. However, I don't think you can have any expectations that she will live up to your expectations. No one is wrong or right in these situations. She has lower expectations and you have higher ones. Whether it came from upbringing, or genetic coding doesn't much matter. The truth is for the most part, she won't change.
Perhaps she adds to the relationship in other ways that you are not looking at. She may have higher standards in other areas. Perhaps she has an impeccable social calendar which includes you, Perhaps she will be a great mother. Only you can answer those questions.
I too am with someone who has lower house keeping standards and is generally lazy but she shines in other ways.
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A
female
reader, kristinakutie +, writes (16 July 2007):
 No, your not wrong at all.. you need to wake her up some how and show her that its not fair that you work outside the home, and she doesnt work inside the home.. whether shes a housewife or not, she needs to help.. maybe you should stop cleaning the house and what not and see how long it takes her before she starts to get annoyed.. it mite just work.. cuz i mean, how long can you live in a mess.. hope that works.. i hope it does.. good luck =]
p.s.
try talking to her.. and dont take "i'm just not a housewife" for an answer.. show her how serious about it you are..
~kristina
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