A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I’ve been in my current relationship for nearly 8 years now the last 2 years he has slept in the spare room with no explanation as to why I went away for the weekend with some friends from work and he slept in our bed which I found quite strange but as soon as I am home he went back to the spare room obviously this has upset me now he keeps trying to have sex with me and I don’t want to anymore I’ve lost all interest in him any advice what to do in this situation would be greatly appreciated I have tried talking to him and asking him what is going on but he says everything is fine I really don’t. I’m what to do now thank you for any advice Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2019): If you have a twin, get a full-sized. If you have a queen, upgrade to a king-sized bed. Sometimes you only need more room.
If you like clinging to him all night, that's restrictive. You can't stretch or turn; when your partner is imitating they're a straight-jacket, or a boa constrictor. If he's a hairy-guy, too much heat from another body will make him wake-up in a pool of sweat. He may even like to sleep in the nude, but knows you wouldn't like that. My ex liked to watch TV on and off; until he falls back to sleep. It disturbed me at-first; but I got used to it. Wireless headphones solved that problem altogether!
Some dudes watch porn while you're sleeping. If he knows you'll go berserk, he'll do it in secret. Why argue about it, when he knows you don't like it?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2019): Do people ever sit-down and discuss their issues anymore? Why is it so easy for folks to hurl insults at each other, make accusations, and call each other names in the heat of an argument? Yet they can't articulate something on their minds like two intelligent adults.
He says everything is fine, because he has been conditioned not to get into heavy discussions with you. Otherwise, you will emotionalize, lose-it, cry, and go full-blown drama queen on him! Guys clam-up when they know you're fixing for an argument. It's the tone you use, and the attitude you have when you approach him.
My guess is he likes to spread out, pass gas, and roll-up in the covers. You probably snore, flail about kicking him in the balls; or like to cuddle all night, and it gets too warm. All that, and you also have "nocturnal gas emissions!" How do you explain that to your girlfriend?
Lots of people miss having their own beds. It's becoming a thing! It's going back to those old "I Love Lucy" times when people actually did have twin beds!
He likes sleeping alone; he probably doesn't like having sex alone. If you feel nothing for him anymore; then discuss how you'd like to terminate your relationship. You owe him that much!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2019): How have you gone 2 years without asking why this happened? I mean, it could be a really simple answer like you snore or wake him up.
MANY couples sleep apart and love each other VERY much and still have active intimacy. It can just be wanting to have a good sleep.
I don't get why this is suddenly upsetting you now after 2 years? WHy not have just asked from the start?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (5 November 2019):
 Have you explained to him how upsetting you find the whole situation? Ask him WHY he has chosen to sleep in the spare room, away from you.
Personally I see no problem in couples sleeping apart. My partner and I sleep in separate rooms because he wakes me up with his snoring and also because I get up much earlier than him so would wake him up when my alarm goes off. Also I like to watch tv before falling asleep whereas he doesn't. We are still close, despite not having shared a bed for sleeping for years.
This said, we both know the reasons we don't share a bed and we are both happy with them. Your problem is that your husband will not tell you WHY he has chosen to sleep in a separate room. Insist on him telling you. Don't be brushed off with "everything is fine" because for YOU it is far from fine.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 November 2019):
 You need to evaluate hoe the Whole relationship is and feels , Beyond teh spare room thing. Which per se might not be very relevant, nor indicative of anythng soecial otehr than he likes to sleep comfortably.
who knows, maybe you snore, or kick in your sleep, or hog the blankets,or ge all sweaty , and after a few years he could not take it anymore. It is not so strange that, in time, one spouse ( or both ) decide to give up the intimacy of bed-sharing in favour of a good night sleep. And there are people ( like myself, for intance ) that no matter how in love they may be- they love their personal space in the bedroom. After all, it's not that if you sleep in two different bedrooms you cannot cuddle and have sex before you fall asleep , or when you wake up.
So, it all depends…. what does he DO when he does not sleep ? does he spend time with you, does he help with chores or children, does he share his thoughts, worries, interests with you ? do you have shared plans for the future ?...
Wanting to sleep alone may mean nothing or may mean something or may mean much… according to what goes on in your relationship when you are both awake.
By the way : why instead than asking him a vague and non-specific " what' s going on " ( maybe he did not even get what you were aiming at )- wasn't it better just asking him straight : " Why did you choose to sleep in the spare room ? Why do you prefer not to share my bed ? " Simpler, and straighter to the point, I think….
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2019): Have you seriously never asked, hey why do you sleep in the spare room?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2019): He knows that if he shares a bed he wants sex and you don't so he feels rejected and stays away from you in the other room. Men feel love through sex and it makes them feel unloved no sex. You want him to come to bed you have to give him some love!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 November 2019):
 How about TALKING to him? And don't accept the vague "everything is fine" because OBVIOUSLY it's NOT!
HOW are we (TOTAL strangers on the internet) supposed to know WHAT he is thinking and feeling?
And If you no longer want sex with him, have lost all interest in him, and he doesn't want to share a bed, what are you two still doing together?
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