A
female
age
41-50,
*rcada
writes:I had a great relationship with my ex, after 7 months together we decided to try for a baby, (I have 2 young children from a previous relationship). I fell straight away and we were both over the moon! My ex partner is in a band and they are trying to get signed. After our son was born my partner was gigging sometimes 5 times a week and I felt lonley and depressed.This caused arguments, most of which I started. After a row one night he left that was 1 month ago and he is still adament he is not coming back. Even up to the day before he left he was constantly telling me how much he loved me and that we were soulmates. I could understand him leaving if our relationship wasn't so good. He told me he still loves me but not enough to stay and that he had to chose the band over me. He said the arguments were gettting him down but I had some post natal depression, I had just had our baby. The hardest thing for me to get over is that I blame myself. I feel like I pushed away the best thing that ever happend to me. He was brilliant with my 2 other children and treated me well. I just found it difficult being on my own most evenings.
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depressed, my ex, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 February 2008):
 You should not blame yourself and be forgiving. It is not easy for you to singlehandedly deal with all those stress and pressures. Do you have parents ot close friends who can give you support? It would be better if you have someone who would be able to help you overcome those pressures of living .Ask him to come back .
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (1 February 2008):
 You are both still in love with each other and because you are still attracted he will come back. It's only when the attraction dies that there is no hope. To use the horrid man word ' give him some SPACE' and beave wit dignity and decorum at all times and he'll be back!
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Arcada +, writes (1 February 2008):
Arcada is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much for your advice so far guys!
To update my predicament, the babys father does want to see his son as much as he can and is helping out financially.
He has told me he is hurting as much as I am over his decision but that it's for the best.
I long for this physical pain in my chest to go and want to get strong for myself and my kids sake!
I have been on anti depressents for the past 3 weeks and am starting counselling next week to help deal with these issues.
I won't lie though, I am praying that when I feel better my ex will see he has made a mistake and come back. We were good together, everyone said so. I just feel I have pushed him away because I have acted needy and desperate.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (1 February 2008):
Having post natal depressions can be a very trying time . You need a lot of support from him. You could explain to him about this sickness and hope that he will understand .You were not in the proper frame of mind .You can be nice to him and hope he will come back.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): Well, you are in a difficult predicament, but there is some light. first off, do youm believe in love? im 29 and very much so struggling with the concept- however, if he truly loves you, and meant what he said, he will be back, and things will work out. if its not the case then he just might be a guy with a big mouth and careless attitude. now this needs to be addressed- do you have a life? i aplogize for asking like that, but do you feel as if you have been overly needy? i mean, he does have a night job and travel comes with it, but if you objectivly havent pressured him much, and it sounds like you havent, then he might be just lost himself. dont be affraid to walk without him, you have your kids and thats alot of love already...the right man, if thats him or not, will come, and all you can do is take care of yourself and kids.stay strong, dont beg him to come back, you have lots going for you. best wishes...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): Are you stating he chose the band over his family? What 'odd' behavior for a man who claims you were his 'soulmate' the day before he left. I will say he was planning on bailing, for a while, hun. I don't think he wants to be a Dad or a family man. You are facing some very important, life issues. Every child deserves to have their father actively involved in it's life. This child will need a fatherly bond to grow up healthy and loved. He also should be helping to financially support and help you through the challenges of parenting an infant. I hope he is offering some form of monetary support...children are expensive to raise and he's 'on the hook' for it, by law to give you child support payments. You will have to be careful from now on. Start making plans to go it without him and stop blaming yourself. All relationships suffer set backs. That is life. But the true honor and grit in a person's character, is how they stay and work through those problems.
He's made his choice..the band. You need to dig deep into your personal courage and put the baby and your children, first. It will be hard, as you are emotionally still attached to this man. Ideally, I wish that your bf would grow up and become a mature committed man and loving father, but if he was committed and wanted to be a part of this baby's life, he'd be by your side-right now. Enlist the help and love of your family, you will need it, your kids will need it. Visit a solicitor and make sure you know your rights and his obligations, he has for his child. Don't waver...think with your common sense. Because, sometimes guys who are this childish and self-involved..will try to shrug off financial responsibility, as well. Understand, you will be connected to this man, for the next 20 years, at the least. There will be a ton of life essentials this baby will need, and there will be big decisions that both of you will have to make together, in regards to the healthy, happy upbringing of this child. This is not over, not by a long shot.
So I would say...you are in a predicament, hun but choose not to settle for this predicament. Become motivated to do something about this, today. If you are determined to make the best life for you, this baby and your kids, you will have to take the blinders off and accept 'what this man really is'. It's then, you will get pissed off..and anger gives a woman energy and strength. At least enough strength to see him for what he truly is. I am truely sorry for your pain, dear. Keep us posted on how you do. Good luck and be strong. Your baby and your kids will need to depend on you for that. Take care
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A
male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (31 January 2008):
my first thought is that it may not be over. This doesnt sound like enough to keep someone away forever, especially when you both havent fallen out of lovewith each other and when there are children involved. Also his work situation may change, many people dont make it in the music industry (although be prepared for the possibility he wont come back and the possibility of other men).
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