A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im a 17 year old girl living in the UK! recently, my parents have been a little immature and stupid i think to be honest. my parents have been trying for another baby since i was 2, but were told for personal reasons she will find it very difficult to concieve! they're now both in their late 40's and have decided its too late to have any more children, but since me and my boyfriend of nearly 2 years went on holiday with them back in august last year, they've been trying to persuade me and him to have a baby together, they want me to have a baby now, so they can give me the opportunity to live my life and let them look after it! they said they would pay for everything and look after it while i was at college! but i dont want a child. im 17! i dont have a job, i dont have a house, i dont want a baby! but my mum is fair demanding i have one! she jokes about it 24/7 she winds me up to the point where i want to walk out! i dont understand why she wants to be a grandmother already! i would have thought 'NORMAL' parents would want they're child growing up, getting married, moving in together, getting good jobs, THEN HAVIN CHILDREN! but shes driving me insane! WHAT CAN I DO?!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): Since your parents are so frank about what they want, you should be too. Tell them that they have lost the damn mind. Its your body and your life. Adoption is an option for them. You are their daughter, not a surrogate. I had my baby at 26 and was worn out. Seventeen is not the time for babies. When they get tired who do you think is going to get stuck with it? You are! Once again, its their red wagon not yours. They are being selfish, not you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): If you cannot talk to someone about this terrible pressure being put on you then I strongly suggest you speak with your GP. Your mother (parents) are very very wrong to even suggest this to you for their own selfish reasons and to completely blur the lines of normality. They are using their own daughter and are not thinking rationally - it verges on emotional abuse or a kind of breakdown. Their own desperation has consumed their emotions and this seems like some kind of way of solving it. You have a whole life ahead of you tell them you are not doing it and if you can, move out and stay with a relative for a while until they get their heads sorted. Under no circumstance should you be held responsible for your parents not being able to have another baby.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (22 July 2009):
 I think the best thing to do is to try and talk to your mum. Sit her down, just the two of you and explain that you do not want a baby at the present time and that her constant jokes and pressure is starting to get to you. She needs to understand that it is making you really unhappy when she talks about this matter, therefore you want her to drop the idea and move on.
Tell her that one day in the future you will want children and she can be a grandmother then, but for now you are too young and want to enjoy being young and carefree. Your mum is being very selfish and probably cannot see it from your point of view, so you need to try and tell her how you feel.
If this makes no difference then maybe you should try talking to your dad, explain to him how your mum's behaviour is making you feel and I am sure he will have a word with her.
She cannot force you to have a baby so I'm sure that in time, she will forget about this idea and move on. Perhaps you should try walking out of the room each time she brings this up, that way she will get the picture that you wont even entertain the idea.
I'm sure your mum will just be finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact she cant have more children and somehow this idea seems like a good one to her. In her mind, she cant see any negatives for you and only the positives for her. She will see it that this baby will be well looked after, you wont have to fork out any money and she will look after it all of the time so you can still live your life. She is forgetting that it is your body that will have to endure childbirth, that it will be your child not hers, and that a mother can never shed her responsibility to her child as easily as she is picturing it. She is basically thinking of you as a surrogate - she wants the child to be hers!
Keep in mind how hard this will be for your mum, but just remember it is your body and your life to do with as you please. Talk to her, talk to your dad, try everything you can to make them understand that this issue is really getting to you. At the end of the day they are your parents and they love you, so they wont want to deliberately make you unhappy.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): Don't let your mom tell you what to do with your life. You can get pregnant when you are ready when you find a man that you love, just don't do it for the sake of your mother.
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A
female
reader, busy04  +, writes (22 July 2009):
 This is not a normal situation, and I wholeheartedly believe that something is seriously wrong with your mother. It is unfair to even ask you at your age to have a child. Your parents can easily adopt, but to put you in a position like this is unnatural.
With that said, you have a choice in this. You said you don't want a baby? Guess what? Don't have one, there is no law in this world that says you have to. Motherhood should be done willingly, it should be a joy not a burden. You are too young, not far from being a baby yourself, you have a life to live, a career to have & a bright future. Deny your mothers request,tell her to get grip & live your life!
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A
male
reader, S-Breeze13 +, writes (22 July 2009):
There are so many other ways to have be able to raise a child. Your mother could adopt or, if your father is still able to concieve, she could have a surrogate mother. She will be taking away the joy of motherhood from you if you go along. Give her a reality check.
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A
female
reader, TheAgonyAunt +, writes (22 July 2009):
 This sounds like your parents REALLY want a baby bad. I think your mum, because she's getting older will be thinking there will be no other chance in her life to have a baby, she wants you to have one. It sounds like she has a bit of an issue here.
DONT be pressured into getting pregnant by your parents, most parents would completely disapprove of there children having a baby so young.
Just ignore your mums requests and tell her if she brings it up again you'll just walk out and ignore her. Make it clear that you dont want a baby right now and if they love you hopefully they will respect that.
If not I would suggest staying somewhere else until your mum says promises she wont ask you about it.
Hope I helped.
:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): There is nothign your mother can do to make you have a child and she is being extremely selfish. Having a marraige and family is one of the most cherished things of most peoples' lives.. even the reason that some people consider themselves alive. You should have a child when you are ready and with whome you wish and the oppurtunity to fully raise him/her and take care of him/her should not be taken away from you. You have to live your life the way you want it lived and should not fall to her demands. You can explain this to her and prehaps a little harsh reality check is in order. If i were you, i would strictly and very clearly tell her what you want and what you're going to do. Alert her that the more she pushes you on the matter, the further away from her she is pushing you.
How would she have felt if her first child were taken from her and risen by her parents while she was away at school?
~Sy.
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