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male
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*on85
writes: Hi, I am a 19 year old male and I'm in a relationship with a 40yr old male. We have been having problems now for months. He spends more time with everybody else with me. He's nasty to me, he puts me down, he tries to stop me talking to my family and friends, he's constantly criticising me and trying to tell me what to do and when to do it.We dont even sleep in the same bed because I refuse to, because he shares the bed with the dog. I have told him that I will sleep in the bed if he makes the dog sleep elsewhere, and he refuses point blank.He constantly accuses me of sleeping about, which I have never done, and then to top it all tells me he loves me - and to be honest - I really don't think he does. It's getting to the point now where I am close to just leaving while he's at work and not coming back, because its all I feel I can do. Please help.
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female
reader, daniella +, writes (5 September 2005):
he sounds like a real control freak i think you need to move on sweetie. If he loved you he wouldnt try to be so imature al the time and acuse you of things you just dont do if you cant love someone if you dont trust them. Hes inscure simply if he runs you down and makes you feel sad then he just dont care move on you deserve better. x
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reader, kris +, writes (24 August 2005):
I agree with everyones responses. I have been through it. I still love him, but I also realize he will never change no matter how much talking I do. I am the stupid female that knows nothing, and he is the dominant male that knows all. I lost my identity and self esteem while with him. It was actually talking through this advice column that gave me the strength to get out before it was too late.
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reader, madam treudeau +, writes (23 August 2005):
put on your walkin boots and serve him with his walking papers too, 'cause dude, you definately don't need a guy like that.
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A
reader, pops +, writes (23 August 2005):
Find someone else. I know you are hurt, and don't like being alone, but this relationship is over. Dump him, and move on. Let some other guy have to put up with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2005): I think it's time for the both of your end this and move on to more rewarding, happier life-without each other.
When your partner gives you more stress and heartache than smiles and laughs or if you both are becoming become easily irritated with one another, the end is right around the corner. His respect appears non-exsistent and he's getting emotionally abusive. The constant abuse will work on you & deplete your self-esteem and no one is worth sticking around for that. He's said he still loves you which is causing you stay with your partner for selfless reasons. Staying with your partner because he 'says' he loves you is a nice gesture, but don't do it. He certainly isn't showing you he loves you. (actions do speak louder than words). Leave if you aren't happy. The situation will only get worse. Move out and go find someone who'll treat you well and you can have a loving, honorable, respectful relationship with. You owe it to yourself. Good luck and take care
Hugs, Irish
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2005): Really honey? Why are you with a man that shows you no respect or love at all. He may tell you he loves you but action speaks louder than words. For heavens sake, this man would rather have his dog in bed with him.
It sounds to me like he needs someone to control. This doesnt make for a loving relationship. Im sure since you have been with him your self esteem has taken a nose dive.
Do yourself a favour and get back yourself respect, walk away and never look back, there is someone out there who will love you and cherish you for the person that you are.
I know its hard but you need to do it for YOU.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, lulu +, writes (23 August 2005):
why are you with this man?
you are 19 and should be out having fun with your friends.nobody should be denying you of your youth. as for the criticisms, why should he have the right to put you down? he will only put you down and give you low self esteem if you let him. know that you are better than him and can rise above these insults. if i was you i wouldn't stay with this man who put his dog beforew his girlfriend.
good luck!
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