| A
female
,
*eeds...help
writes: I'm 20 engaged to my first love, my high school boyfriend. We have been together 5yrs and it's wonderful. But the past few months I have found myself torn between him and another guy who I have cheated with, and have deep feelings for. I want to be with my fiance; I do love him, but I can't seem to let the other guy go. What do I do?This is tearing me apart.needs...help
View related questions:
engaged, fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2005): If you have cheated on your fiancee then why on earth are you even thinking of marriage? You are not ready for that type of committment, hun. Marriage is NOT a game to be taken lightly it's a very serious committment.
The right reasons to get married are: You are in love with one another; A desire to share your life with another; To have a lifetime companion; Realistic expectations and a willingness to fulfill one another's needs and desires. Wrong reasons to get married are:
Want to be free from parents; To have sex; To ease loneliness; To be happy; To be an adult; Because of a pregnancy; Because he loves you but you're not sure.
Be fair..be honest to your fiancee and yourself..Give the ring back-you are not ready. Go and get your thoughts in order and make a decision about where you are going in your life and with whom you want to be with. You've been with your fiancee since you were 15 and I think you need to "sow some wild oats" before settling down. Go do that! Better to do that now than when you do get married and there could be children involved, in the future. Good luck my dear and take care.
Hugs
Irish
A
reader, pops +, writes (23 August 2005):
Don't get married to number one. He isn't it. And you are too young to make the kind of commitment that marriage requires. You will only disappoint yourself, and him, and the harm you cause him will be incaluable. You obviously have some need that is not being met by your fiance. That is why you cheated on him in the first place. Either learn to communicate better with him, and explain your needs, so that he can learn to be a better lover, companion, conversationalist, etc. or the marriage cannot work. When you are truly in love with someone, it is the easiest thing in the world to make a lifetime commitment of fidelity to him. Yes, you will still notice other guys- hopefully, he will be mature enough to point good looking guys out to you- and you will " Lust in your heart" for other men, but you will experience your fantasy lovers with your husband, even describing who your fantasy lover is as you make love to him. Then, these kinds of things only bind a couple, and offer no harm to the marriage. You have to be tolerant of his fantasies, too, and point out good looking women to him, also. ( I wish I have a nickel for every time my wife has poked me in the ribs, or gotten my attention with a squeeze, and whispered, " Check out the boobs on that babe across the street! What do you think? " And, because I know the kinds of men she goes for, such as in the movies, I make sure to take us to movies with her favorite male actors in them, and then tease her! See how it works when you aren't jealous because there is no reason to be? This only happens when your wife totally satisfies you and you totally satisfy her. That means you not only know what turns him on now, but also talk frequently to find out what new fantasies he is having. And vice versa. Marriage is a work in progress- always. But it is truly a lavor of love. (and lust!)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2005): You are too young to start settling down. Explain to your fiance that you don't want to be commited to anyone exclusively. Go out and have a bit of fun (and with your other bloke). but do not get into a serious relationship with him either. x
...............................
|
