A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 28 year old woman and have been married for 4 years. My husband and I don't have any children. We are very happy together and don't really have any complaints about our relationship. My only problem is that I cannot orgasm during sex. My husband has severe TMJ which he is currently being treated for. Because of this, oral sex is out of the question, and even kissing is difficult. No matter how much he touches me, or how long the intercourse lasts, I just can't seem to orgasm. It's causing a lot of stress and guilt for both of us. We're not interested in using sex toys or anything of that nature. I have no problems with orgasm when I masturbate. I have no idea what to do.
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kissing, oral sex, orgasm, sex toy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Before your husband got TMJ would you always have oral and a lot of kissing during sex? And would this always make you orgasm?
You might just be struggling with the changes. You might have become reliant on oral to reach climax.
And now you are just to worried to orgasm.. Thinking about it too much.
Just try and relax. Try different things.
You could try having shower sex and use the shower-head to stimulate your clitorus as he would have done if you were having oral sex. See if that works.
Good Luck hunny. Update us on what's going on.
Try not to feel guilty, just enjoy being with one another. It's not your fault and it's not your husbands fault.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 Can't he masturbate you with his fingers?
You can also masturbate during intercourse.
It sounds like the both of you need to learn a lot about sex. It ain't just oral and intercourse that is available.
And sex toys exist for a reason. Fine if you don't want to use them but you are denying yourself an option that helps couples in your position.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 You could try sex on top, facing backwards, both sitting up. He can stimulate your breasts and you can have you hands free to stimulate yourself. But, if I were the two of you, I would try to get past the idea that "other" mutual forms of stimulation are out of the normal realm of sex between two adults. Try anything that strike your fancy! Mutual masturbation, self masturbation in front of each other, whatever you both would like to try! Sex is merely an outward display of giving your partner pleasure. There aren't any rules to that. If one form is out for you, Adapt! We have become the predominant species because of our ability to be adaptable!
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A
female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 You say you cannot orgasm when your husband touches you, yet you reach orgasm easily when you do it yourself. Have you shown him exactly how you do it yourself? I mean, I'm guessing here, maybe he's not doing it right, maybe you're too shy to tell him the exact place you need him to stimulate you.
Try it with him using a little lubricant there. Baby oil does it for me every time. After about 6 years into a relationship with someone, I finally plucked up the courage to tell him just the way I wanted him to 'rub me' and he wished I'd told him sooner. DOH!!
Now if that's the case, then why not try it, then just as you're about to reach orgasm, continue your sex with him penetrating you.
It's just a suggestion and hopefully the right one for you.
{Just adding for the benefit of those who don't know what TMJ is, it's short for 'Temporomandibular Joint' Disorder. It's a condition that causes tenderness and pain at the ball-and-socket joint on each side of your head where your lower jawbone (mandible) joins the temporal bone of your skull, hense the difficulty of the husband not being able to give oral or even kiss}.
Good luck, and I wish your husband well. Hope everything works out for you both.
BigSis
xXx
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A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (23 June 2008):
Have you had problems the entire 4+ years or just lately?
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