A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've known a guy now for many years over the internet, constantly talking and everything. We arranged to meet, but he pulled out at the last miniute, as he said, "he can't do this; he's not ready." In return, I sent numerous messages telling him not to worry and trying to make him feel better about the whole matter, as he's had a hard time with life and is very insecure about himself.He's previously expressed to me before that he likes me, and we always laugh and say we have a love/hate relationship. As when things get on top of him, in his life etc...he kind of goes in to this bad boy world, where he dosen't care about anything except getting drunk and pratically being a bad boy lol.But anyway since he's expressed he's not ready, he has totally ignored me, my messages and phone calls. What's going on?
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drunk, insecure, the internet Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell first of all thankyou all very much for replying so soon...its so luvley of you all to take the time to reply and care and has touched my heart that their are such nice people out their !
But due to the shortage of text space; i didnt explain everything. Well i know this guy (Mark) for many years. As when i was younger i was seriously ill and had no-one no friend or anything and i was very low and also scared people away. So i went on a chat room to find a friend who i wouldnt scare away.So basically mark became my rock and we were eceptionally close. Though we didnt meet as i had to move abroad for treament.Only inbetween this he had problems with some girl using him for sex and a for having a baby and it got to him, hurt him deep. As we both thing maybe a little old fashioned, you know doing things proper having a family ect. Anyway it made him really ill and depressed and in this world of hating himself and when any little thing happened he'd lock himself in his own world. Than then progressed to not giving a shit about himself or anyone.Over devoted time of constant drilling and explaing and understanding hes slowly recouperating and getting his life on track...thats why recently i asked...are you ready to meet me..?
He may not seem worth knowing from what i have told you but ive known the real him, before everything got on top of him and i supose i can see his true colours. Hes not a bad person; he cant help his outburts and apolgises for them and asks me for help...you see ive been more of his mentor in a kind of way :s
A
male
reader, sobes4444  +, writes (26 February 2011):
 He's just shy, he's insecure about himself and doesn't think he's good enough for you. I've been in his situation before.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 I had an online friend like that.. we had plans to meet, I was going to visit him, and then he told me not to come when I was finalising everything.
Seems like this guy isn't worth it, if he wanted to, he would visit you :) (at least that's what I gathered from my experience)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): There are many virtual men happily willing to use a woman as a personal therapist or pen pal. There is a very valid reason he hasn't met you and its most likely because he is married, in a relationship, or not interested romantically about you. This is a fictionalized relationship for you and if you aren't getting a date or meeting up within the first few emails with a virtual man, time to hit the NEXT button and move on to someone new.
Emails do not constitute intimacy or a relationship and if that is what you seek, avoid those men who try to establish that online and delay meeting you because they are time wasters. They are just friends,not romantic prospects!! A romantic prospect is a man who will want to see you as soon as possible and get to know you offline b/c he is seeking a relationship instead of a virtual anonymous friendship.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 February 2011):
 If you have known him for many years online only, how come you haven't met long before now? How do you know he isn't married?
If he isn't married then it sounds as if he's not all that interested.
Anyway, why, when he said he wasn't ready to meet you, did you send numerous messages to reassure him and tell him it was okay? One message would have been enough.
Lerave it alone and see if he comes back and makes definite plans to meet. Otherwise, getting drunk and behaving badly doesn't sound good at all......
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