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female
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anonymous
writes:I would like honest answers to my problem.I am worried about myself. I am currently obsessed with a guy Ive only met twice. He lives far away so we are not together. I cant get over him. He fills my thoughts permanently to the point where my work is suffering, because I cant think of anything else. I make excuses to email him and now I can tell hes getting annoyed with me. I stalk him on facebook. I make up scenarios in my head as to what hes doing with himself and whether hes got a new girlfriend. I cannot get over him. And now I am sat here in tears because I know its not normal. And hes not the only guy Ive been like this over either. I have been obsessed with past boyfriends, but this is the hardest one. I would just love to have a day where I dont think about him once or think up excuses to talk to him. Is there anythin I can do to help myself? Should I see a councellor?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2014): I too have had experiences of becoming obsessed with boyfriends or guys I've dated or really like a lot. I look back and see that they were not really worth the obsession. I am dating someone now and I am falling in love with him and although I know he is very fond of me and we share a mutual attraction, I feel myself getting obsessed. I am choosing to not contact him and to wait it out and take care of myself. I read books, I see friends, I work...it is hard when you find yourself drawn to people who do not give you exactly what you need. You have to be strong and find ways to sublimate the desire and longing. Childhood neglect and abuse can make us more complex and make it harder to find and keep a partner.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): OK well I am feeling exactly the same way so i hope that makes you feel better. I met a guy on online dating about 7 weeks ago and we have seen each other every week. I am obsessed with him but his text messages have started to drop off which makes the situation even more difficult to handle. Anyway I m not working so i have too much time on my hands to think about him. Fortunately, I have resisted texting him, i wait for him to text me first, so i am exercising some kind of control but i am hurting. You say that it's interfering with your work - are you bored with your job because if you had an interesting job then i don't think you would be thinking too much about this guy.Guys like a challenge, they do not like needy women. So resist contacting him, let him contact you first. Get busy. Contact all your mates and arrange a night out with them. Turn your phone off maybe for half an hour and then increase it to an hour so that you're not always checking it.Best wishes!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): Hi there, I think the first thing to say is that although its hard to believe you will feel better with time and you will think about him less and less. I know its probably quite difficult to imagine that happening at the moment but it will get better.
I think the best thing you can do to help yourself is to stop giving yourself such a hard time. You really liked a guy and it hasn't worked out. You have every right to be upset and its just taking a while for you get over that. Most people go through something similar to this and its not fair to say what is normal and abnormal. It is very important to value yourself at this time and hold onto the fact that you will feel better.
If you find it hard to talk to your family and friends then maybe some counselling sessions would help and you should perhaps speak to your doctor about how these could be arranged.
In terms of future relationships - don't be afraid of them but be cautious. I know its difficult but try to take things slowly and as I keep saying remember what a great catch you are!
I hope this helps and I really hope you feel better soon.
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female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (20 March 2011):
 I know it sounds cruel but it sounds like you need counseling. You must have experienced some sort of rejection as a child. Something has happen to you that has damaged you. I am glad you realise it is not normal behaviour. You should have to stalk men if you fancy them. Normally men are flattered by the attention and if they are available may take up the attraction and move it further.
When a men picks up on the fact that you are stalking them, it does make you look like a weirdo and as if you have a screw missing. They will also finding you scary. I am sure you do not want to come across like this.
As you have identified yourself what you are doing. STOP NOW. This guy you are interested in. Back off for a while. If he has not heard from you for a while, we will no doubt make some kind of contact to find out how you are. Take it from there. If you really like him, change you behaviour. Fill you live with friends. Go out. Do voluntary work. Join a dance class. Do some evening classes. this will take you mind of him.
If you do not hear from him in a couple of weeks. Give him a call but he light and fun. Tell him about all the things you have been doing. At the moment it sounds like you have turned him off. Only you can change this. No one else can.
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (20 March 2011):
 yea I'd see a counselor; obsessive thoughts are not healthy, particularly oncee it starts interfering with other spheres of our lives. humans need balance. Don't blame yourelf or think of yourself as crazy, sometimes irrational, obsessive parts of our brains seem to take over the reasonable parts of it, somehow things get off kilter chemically. be honest with the counselor, don't minimize the extent of the obsession so he or she writes it off as young love. i would think a counselor would come up with alternative means of using your energy in less obsessive ways, and maybe recommend medication, although cases vary I would think. good luck, it'll be okay.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): No you should not see a councellor! i have that same obbession ,but to get that boy off of my mind for at least a day i do something fun with my best friends i wouldnt get on face book for a while or check your email just stay away from the computer get some fresh air and think of your favorite song or watch a funny movie to get him off your mind that always helps me alot !
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): You could try counselling or just try and get a life of your own. Get out get a hobby, do something for charity. Realise one thing, the only person you are hurting with this obsession is you.
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