A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 years old and I have been dating my bf for 8 months..just recently he has pulled away a bit and I am not sure why..I was texting him a bunch of times and he wasn't replying so I started freaking out and eventually he responded and he was like I was at work, my phone was off, relaxxxx everything is fine..and then i felt extremely stupid so I apologized to try and make things better and he never accepted (or refused) my apology, so since that incident things have gone downhill...I keep telling myself I will wait for him to contact me but it is so hard because I really care about him..so last night I texted him and I said basically like do you want to stop seeing me just let me know and I swear I will leave you alone..and he responded by saying "wowww your driving my nuts" So its like he wont talk to me but he wont tell me its over either, so I dont know what to do..can you please help me? :(
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (24 March 2011):
 I'm sorry you are finding it so difficult to deal with this.It seems to me as though he has effectively ended it - but without telling you. I'm afraid some men do do this. Not very considerate, no, but sometimes they'd rather not have the hassle.You have basically two choices now: either you consider that your relationship is at an end, and you're not going to hear from him again ORYou can phone him - don't text - and ask him to tell you if he has decided to end it. Bear in mind he might still waffle and not give you a straight answer, or flat-out tell you its over. If he waffles, you're back to square one - still stuck where you are right now. If he says its over, then you'll know there's no more chance with him.So: THINK about what you'd rather do and how you'd deal with the following scenario: Would you prefer to assume things have ended, or would you rather call him and hear it "from the horse's mouth"?That's all the choice you have - Oh, except to move on with your life and look for new opportunities!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): i need more advice, im having a tough time with this:( he still has not msged me or anything...
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (22 March 2011):
Some men do simply "disappear" rather than tell the woman its over, yes. They do this because they want to avoid getting a lot of flak from her......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): Still nothing, im soo sad :(
do most guys just avoid their gf when they want ot break up? or do they usually tell them directly its over so the girl will stop bugging them
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (21 March 2011):
True, it is a bit hard to accept. Nonetheless, hang in there!It will be alright - whatever happens!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011):
Thanks I will definitely try to keep my mind off him..and even though
I am telling you guys how much I care about him and miss him,
I have not spoken to he said I was driving him nuts...-all I can do now is
wait and see If he comes back. It's just hard because we told each
other that if it didn't work out we would still be friends and he told me he never wants to lose me so the fact that he won't even speak to me, it's a little hard to accept
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (21 March 2011):
You are still telling us you love him, when he is not apparently feeling the same way toward you.
Several responders have recommended that you pull back, not be so clingy - in fact, being a bit standoffish toward him in your BEHAVIOR AND your MIND/HEART (right now you seem to be only pretending to him not to care) wouldn't hurt. You need to convince yourself.
You say you wonder if he could really have just moved on after eight months of memories. The fact is, if he is teed off enough, I'm afraid he could, quite easily.
You say you're worried that he may never talk to you again.
Well, so what if he DOES never talk to you again?
Yes, you'll be hurt and disappointed, but you know, its not the end of the world. You were here living your life before you met him; you'll still be here long after he's gone (if he does go, that is).
It really would be doing yourself a good favor if you can convince yourself to have more of a "so what?" attitude. Hopefully it will assist you in learning to be a little more relaxed and less needy and clingy (Cerberus' comment is bang-on target here). It will stand you in good stead if he does get in touch and things go more smoothly in this relationship - but if not, then with the next man you meet. You'll have learned some valuable lessons.
How? Keep telling yourself that you can do better (than to be so needy); when you worry, remind yourself (10 times a day if you have to) "I'm going to be ALRIGHT, whatever happens."
If you pretend long enough, eventually your new attitude will become a reality.
My final advice is to get busy: read a good book; do a little volunteer work (maybe at a homeless shelter - cook a meal for them), whatever appeals to your heart; throw yourself into your job or school; visit your family; make a phone call to someone you know is lonely and would appreciate hearing from you; go for a walk, either alone or with friends and enjoy the new buds and blossoms, and weather......do something you find FUN, either with friends or by yourself; read a good book, go see a movie..........
I really do hope this helps!
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female
reader, cpkg22 +, writes (21 March 2011):
 @ anonymous male reader..really you think he already moved on? :'( I hope thats not the case......after 8 months, lots of memories, to think he just could move on like that
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female
reader, cpkg22 +, writes (21 March 2011):
I need more advice lol its so hard not to talk to him or anything, I am worried that he may not talk to me again...but then I think if he was really done and I annoyed him so much he would say its over okay like dont u get it?? but he only said m driving him nuts.....so i dont know but im trying to be strong and not talk to him but i love him:(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): I would say he has already moved on, keeping you on the backburner for when he wants you if needed. But that's just my opinion
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (21 March 2011):
How long has it been since you last talked with him? A few days? A week? Two weeks?
I think you would do well to wait two weeks and then, as I said before, if you have not heard from him send him a brief message and see if he responds. If he does, I wouldn't jump in immediately to ask whether you and he are still bf-gf. See what he says......if he has decided to end things, he'll most likely tell you so then. If he seems to be normally pleasant and friendly, then go with that, and make sure you cut back on worrying so much and cut back on the constant texting, etc.
If he sees you are making some changes in your behavior, he may well feel its worth it to continue.
NOW: we don't know if he has some traits or behavior that YOU find inconsiderate or annoying - you haven't said anything about that. If there are some issues you want addressed, now is not the time to bring them up. No, wait until the two of you are on smoother ground, so to speak.
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female
reader, cpkg22 +, writes (21 March 2011):
Hey this is the poster, thank you to the people who gave me advice! I would love some more lol I really suck at this kind of thing and I don't want to lose him he's pretty amazing...I have another question, we haven't spoken since he said that I was driving him nuts, do you think he will come back to me if I do not contact him and wait for him to?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): Thank you very much for your input and advice, I am definately going to take it! If you think of anything else that may be helpful, feel free to post =)
thanks,
christine
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): While I do think your behavior with the texts and being worried is making the situation worse, I don't agree with the general consensus here.
He should let you know what is going on. You've asked him directly and instead of saying you're driving me crazy, he could say, I need a break or less communication, I want to end things, or whatever. Instead he says something that will cause more stress for you.
If he was drawing away from the relationship, you must have sensed that as you said before all of this happened. I believe each party has a responsibility to let the other know, without doubt, what they're feeling.
My advice is to ignore him completely for as long as it takes for him to contact you. If things are still on when he does contact you then have a talk and find out what both of your needs are for communication and for feeling secure in the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): Woah! Calm down woman! That amount of clingyness is enough to drive anyone crazy. Leave him alone and let him contact you. Go out with your friends, go shopping, go do things to take your mind off him but seriously stop texting and calling him.He's backing off a little because he needs a bit of space and you're freaking out even at the slightest hint of things cooling down. That's far too needy and clingy. Relax, he's your boyfriend, there's nothing wrong with him having a bit of time to himself or perhaps he's just been a bit busy. But the last thing he needs is to see 40 messages freaking out about breaking up just because he didn't answer your texts soon enough.
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (20 March 2011):
For goodness sake, find something else to occupy your time!!As Aunty BimBim said, books are a good place to start.....your bf told you everything is fine so go with that.....ONE apology would have been more than enough!Wait now until he DOES contact you - if you have not heard from him for, say, a couple of weeks, THEN you might send a "hi, how are you?" message (be brief!) but not before that - give him some time to get over feeling irritated with you. His statement that you're driving him nuts does NOT necessarily mean he's going to end it with you: what it means is you are overwhelming him (particularly when he's at work) and he wants you to back off a bit.Although: I have to warn you, if you keep worrying about things and bugging him he might very well get totally fed up and end it!You don't want that to happen, so take Aunty's advice.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 March 2011):
 Back off, most men need less communication than women, and some people, men and women, dont really feel the need to respond to every single text they receive. If your boyfriend is at work, he's at work and being paid to work, not answer a bunch of texts.Just back off, settle a bit, he hsnt said he doesnt want to see you any more, b r e a t h ..... learn a little about how different people communicate and how some need more than others, books are a good place to start.Good luck with it
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