A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a son who is almost 10 years old and he resently told me that he's had sexual thoughts about me as well as men and women. What or how should I handle this.....I am concerned that he's thinking about men and myself in that way, but I don't want him to feel as though I wouldn't love him if he liked men and women. How do I help him, he seems to be scared and so am I! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): Like the other reader said before, I think hes just beginning puberty.
Ok, random question that you don't have to answer. Do you buy hormone free milk or (idk what to call it. I know theres a term for it..) the opposite? And the same with chicken and other products? There was a study that said boys and girls who drank the hormone filled milk went through puberty earlier. I'm not trying to say your a bad mom or anything, I'm just curious. You don't have to answer.
Thanks!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (9 July 2011):
 Okay, I wouldn't tell your son that it's not normal. All a young mind will hear is "You're not normal". The reality is, he is perfectly normal - he is going through puberty, overwhelmed with hormones and apparently they are just going all over the place!
Men & women? That seems okay to me. You? Well, I can understand why that's awkward. But, you're the predominant female in his life and easy access for his young brain. Trust me, unless this is a really unique situation, he will grow out of it. He sounds like a normal kid with testosterone zooming around in his body to me.
This isn't to say I think you shouldn't address it. You should! I think you should tell him that having sexual feelings is perfectly natural. But you are his Mom and have a different relationship with him. You are his one and only mother and that makes you different from everybody else. You guys have a special kind of love that can't be romantic, it is just a special Mom-Son thing.
I guess you'll have to improvise the rest. And finding the right words is tough - gosh, I'm a stranger with no kids and even I am having trouble. But, this is a conversation that you've got to have, even if it is a little awkward. Just remember - don't tell him that he's abnormal. He will feel like a freak, and THOSE feelings can stick for a lifetime. If you address the problem and then move on, he will too. But if you get stuck on this and blow it out of proportion, he will think this is a situation of huge magnitude and that he is corrupted and a psychological horror. Kids... it's like when they fall and get a little boo boo. They generally look to Mom or Dad for a reaction - if Mom screams and goes "OH MY GOD, TIMMY!!!!! THIS IS THE WORST, CALL THE AMBULANCE!!!" - Timmy will pick up on the cue and start into hysterics. But, if Mom stays calm, gives a smile and says, "Timmy, you doing okay? Let's just put a little bandaid on, you're okay... what a trooper." - he's going to stay pretty calm and will have forgotten about the whole thing in about fifteen seconds.
Don't make this into an incident. If you want to talk to a therapist, that's cool. But remember to keep calm, and treat him like he's just a normal, growing boy. Because the reality is - he is!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (9 July 2011):
 Honestly I would not make too big a deal with this. Chances are that what he is thinking of as sexual feelings may just be strong attachment to a particular person. At 9 he's not likely to have had enough experience to actually know what sexual feelings are. Tell him you are glad he came to you to tell you about this and that you will always be there for him if he needs to talk to you and then leave it be.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 July 2011):
 Okay, this is not exactly normal for a 9 year old to be dealing with this, but actually, you're really lucky that he's giving voice to these thoughts with you.
The first thing that would come into my head is "Where has he been getting these ideas". That would alarm me if there's an outside influence in his life (or even an inside influence!) that something might be being said or done to him.
If he's scared, you need to get him talking to a counselor or a therapist and fast. Also, reassure him that you're there for him, and that while it is inappropriate for him to think about his mom sexually, that he can continue to talk to you about anything no matter how scared he is.
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A
male
reader, adamskidude  +, writes (9 July 2011):
 Freud would love this xD
He's 10 he's probably just been hit with his first wave of hormones. You just need to be there for him but don't start implanting ideas in his head about sexualities. Children are very vulnerable at this age and may dwell on things you say for years, ultimately determining his sexuality. Be careful. You maybe should just explain puberty to him.
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