A
male
age
30-35,
*teveR
writes:No actual names are usedMy name is Steve and I am a junior at the University of South Caroline. I have been dating Jenifer for nearly 5 months, no rings yet. The other day I had a massive scheduling conflict and had to choose between taking Jen to a party she has been dying to go to or work on this project. I asked my apartment mate and best friend Kirk to sub for me. Jen and him hit it off and the next day he asked if I don't mind them dating, I told him we are not exclusive so have fun. My problem is since he is my best friend since high school, I feel guilty about asking Jen to go out with me. He seems happier than he has been in a while. I am conflicted on whether I should encourage him and her or betray my best friend and try to get back my girl. Anyone have a similar problem.
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female
reader, hollie 971  +, writes (9 July 2011):
Tough, situation, but what you have to ask yourself is, would your friend do the same thing for you?Jennifer is not elusive to anyone, and i think if you like her, then you shouldn't let you friend get in the way of your happiness. Trust me on this one, I've learned the hard way frew being to nice, and if you've got any common sence, you will not put your heart over common sence!The saying goes, all is fair in love and war, but i don't think, your friend should have asked you, if it was ok to date this girl. That's just crossing the line big time in my book! It's just one of those unwritten rules. I don't think he should have asked you, if he knows you have any feelings for her at all.What's meant to be will be. If him and her are meant to be together, then that's just how it is. I'm sure Jennifer has got her own mind and she is capable of making that decision herself.Don't see it as betraying your friend. You met her first and anyway, you are not responsible for your friends happiness, so you shouldn't sacrivse, your own happiness for his.I think it all comes down to on thing. How much did you like her before? Have a think about that because it's human nature to want what you carn't have and with men, they will notice a women more, if another man is interested in her. It's all to do with psychology, and wanting what carn't have. What's harder to obtain, is seen as more valuable.If your feelings are the same for her now, as before your friend took a liking to her, then you know not to give up on her just for the sake of your friends happiness.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 July 2011):
 Actually, the tone of your question answers it. Let's look at the facts:1. You had been dating for nearly 5 months, yet weren't exclusive.2. You suggested that your best friend "sub" for you taking her to a party she really wanted to go to. 3. You told your best friend when he asked to date her to "have fun".These all tell me that you weren't seriously into her to begin with. Usually after nearly 5 months, the rings aren't out, but you can sure believe that exclusivity is usually in place. Also, a scheduling conflict usually involves having to be somewhere, not working on a project.You are now considering asking her back out not because you really cared about her and wanted her, but now that your friend has her. Step back, let your best friend and the girl be together, work on your projects, and wish them well. You need to find someone who lights you up enough that the thought of her being with anyone else is unbearable, and that when YOU'RE with her, you're the happiest man alive.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (9 July 2011):
 I have had this sort of thing happen in the past and I have to say it is one of the nicest things to do for a guy friend when he is happy with her. Think about how special she was to you and if it's really not that much and you know you can get along without her then I would just let your friend know that you won't get in the way of them.
It just works out better if someone backs down so things don't become a compition and you have already expressed that you willing to do this by letting them date.
I applaud you for this because so many guys would try to hang on to the girl and not want anyone they know to date her never mind a best friend.
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