A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need advice. I am currently seeing a really great guy who although he says he is seperated from his wife and at the point of divorce is still living in the house with her. He says they have separate rooms and he is always with me. I don't know whether i'm doin the right thing in seeing him.
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male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (23 August 2007):
 Hi - you say "at the point of divorce" so it could be OK. What are you expecting from the relationship? You don't mention love or how serious you are. You say he is always with you - so sounds like you know he's not cheating on a wife. For practical reasons people do continue living in same house until legal aspects are finalised. If you both enjoy each others company stay with it if you're happy - seems OK to me - a little risk - but at least you know the situation. Ask him for a timescale if you like. Take an interest in the legal letters just to satisfy yourself that things are progressing. If he's nothing to hide he won't mind showing you. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): You should wait until his divorce is final, and he shows you the papers to prove it.
He says he is "separated." He clearly is no such thing, not if he's still living with her, and this would be prejudicial to getting divorced.
Sounds very suspicious to me, and if you don't break up with him you'll be opening a can of worms for yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): Dump him and tell him to give you a call when he has found his own place and is DIVORCED.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): In my books, being 'separated' means still 'being married', in the legal sense. Right now, all you have is his story, his side of what is going on in that house. Most couples break up and one usually leaves the marital home when a separation occurs. If there are children in this union, there are cases when couples do remain together , but only temporarily to make the eventual transition of a parent leaving, easier for the kids. My suggestion to you is: I think you need to be strong and set a clear boundary before this relationship becomes more deepened and meaningful for you. Tell him as far as you are concerned he is still married and has a wife, whether or not they are sleeping together. Tell him, that when the divorce is final and he has his own place -then he can give you a call. If you have to think about being in a relationship in terms of 'waiting for him to leave his wifeand marital home then he's not a man worth investing your time, your emotional efforts in. That is totally unfair to you and I have to ask, why would you even allow this type of relationship. Know that you deserve someone who can date you, be with you, and be completely available to only you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (21 August 2007):
 If he's still living with her then he's still having sex with her, bet on it. He's having the best of two worlds so don't figure he'll be moving out soon. Tell him to look you up when he truly is divorced.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (21 August 2007):
 No. That situation will get ugly...
DV1
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (21 August 2007):
 I agree, with the two aunts before me.This guy could be taking you for a ride. Do not take that chance. i do not advise any women to date a man who can not tkae her to his place. Not just because he is married, but because he has not experienced real freedom yet. Whose to say that when he is divorced he will need some time for himself? Let him sort things out, get a divorce live on his own then you guys can date and maybe a relationship. But not now he is not ready. Can you really beieve that they have seperate rooms? How do you know? This guy has too many issues!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (21 August 2007):
 Hi
I dont think so. I wouldnt go near him.
Not because of the married bit. It took me years to get divorced, i think i had even had my first child with the kids dad before i was officially divorced from the childhood sweetheart & was with the kids dad 9 years in the end.
Its the living with her still.
Ive come across many guys like this over the years to be honest. They always say they are in seperate rooms & to be honest me & the kids dad lived seperately in the same house for 6 months before he finally moved out, but it was my choice we split, yet even i wasnt ready to be meeting someone else.
But like i say, ive met 3 or 4 atleast that still live in the family home & as soon as i find that out, i am gone like grease lightning. Unfinished business is going on there. All the jargon they give you about, staying for the kids, not being able to move out for financial reasons, ive heard them all to be honest.
Fair enough these guys are usually found on the net but atleast one of the 3 wasnt.
Your heading for a fall. And im not saying he is, but i wouldnt be surprised if he's still sleeping with her & she thinks hes down the pub with his mates everyday.
Gotta be your call though.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 August 2007):
 No, you're not doing the right thing. For you or the guy's wife.
For as long as they are legally married, his seeing someone else is cheating.
On the other hand, dear, I don't think it's convenient for you to date a married man. This is a situation in which you have a lot to lose. He says they have separate rooms and is divorcing her. What if he isn't telling the truth? Only so often do you see the case of a woman who was told exactly the same thing he is telling you, only to find he would never leave his wife.
Sometimes people who divorce go on rebound relationships. You could be his rebound.
I think you should not date him until he is divorced. When he is, then he will be able to offer you full commitment. And, if he is seriously interested in you (which he may perfectly be), he will wait.
In summary, I just want you to keep your eyes open, just in case.
Take care.
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