A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have started dating this guy and its been going great. He seems very interested in me, but the problem is he is still very close with his ex. He has told me its totally over but she is his first love. He is always on her facebook, shes on the top of his buddy list, and they talk constantly. He even babysits her cat. What's the deal
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008): I suppose different people have different boundaries, but I would find it hard to be in your shoes and quietly accept the situation. Follow your instincts - these usually never fail. I would not rationalise alarm bells if they are ringing. It does, however, depend on how long they went out, how long ago they split up, and how long you two have been dating.
From experience, I would say that putting pressure on him to distance himself actually backfires - you come across as the nagging pain while the ex remains the adorable hassle-free friend. In my opinion he does seem a little too close to his ex, but see whether it's a healthy friendship: do they talk about their respective partners to each other or do they keep this aspect quiet?
I think he cant really be fully involved with you if he still hasn't quite moved on, but this attachment might be harmless. Time will naturally loosen their ties.
Let us know!
A
male
reader, Jamer70  +, writes (17 August 2008):
 Wells its up to you
Trust him and realise exs aren't always sworn enemies and sometimes are friends
Or
Relise they are too close and find someone who is less attached
Also to Lexilou cats do need as babysitter, not one to watch them 24/7 but they do need to be feed, clean up after etc. I had to do it once
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (17 August 2008):
 Ok I will say it. WHY does a cat need a babysitter?
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A
female
reader, oikid11 +, writes (17 August 2008):
 They might've just stayed friends. I wouldn't worry, for a while.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): You never forget your first love.
Not all relationships end on bad terms. Maybe they just drifted apart and have remained friends.
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A
female
reader, superbunny +, writes (17 August 2008):
 It just sounds like they're friends really. If he says it's over then you're going to have to believe him.. If they are still close, I am afraid you are going to have to respect that (And trust me, I know how annoying that can be!!).. Everyone's always a bit hung up about their first love. Not to worry though, he's YOUR boyfriend - just remember that! =] xx
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A
female
reader, misfitschik66  +, writes (17 August 2008):
 the deal is honey is that it sounds like he hasn't quite moved on!!!!
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