A
male
age
41-50,
*oddster_24
writes:hi my name is paul. im 32 years old and i have posted before about the sameish subject, only thing is things have changed and im in termoil, could realy do with helpfull advice. i have a 5 yr old boy who i dont live with he lives with his mum some 90 miles away from meuk,thing is ive started making payment via the uk child agency.i was making payments to my ex but things have got so badly broken down in the friendship i have no option and this means im paying more than i have been, i have a current girlfriend and this is where i have the problum!! she is only 22 from a middle class background where they think things throught unlike myself where i rush into things and regret nothing.thing is my new girlfriend says that how can she be with me knowing my son is going to come first everytime meaning money,and visits.she is thinking ov leaving me, althought we are not living together, could be a possiblity in the future.im at a loss and feel lost if i loss the only thing that has made me so happy in the last nine months.....,im pritty sure if she leaves me the same thing will be repeated everytime il be in a relationship with somone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): Dear Paul,
Im sorry to hear about what your having to deal with at the moment *hug*
But to be honest,this new girlfriend of yours can't really love you if she is getting jealous over your son,if she loved you,then she should love everything about you,which includes your son.
You need to talk to her about this,explain that your son comes first before anything,even yourself,& if she is unable to understand this,then i think it is time to finish it with her.
Not everyone relationship you have will end this way i can assure you,most women would love to be able to have a man who cared so much for a child,it shows your not self centered.
You just need to find the right woman,someone who maybe is around your own age & has a similar personality & interests,as it sounds as though you & your current girlfriend do not have much in common,& most importantly, someone who knows from the beginning just how important your child is,after all nothing should come between a father & thier child.
I hope you have luck with finding a new understanding women,aslong as you look in the right places,you should do fine :)
xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): Oh sweetie..I am so sorry that you are going through a situation like this. But your girlfriend is being totaly unreasonable, and unrealistic. Your son should ALWAYS, come first, and your girl friend is a dill much for not realizing that. You are a wonderful man, and daddy for taking care of your child like you do. You will soon find another woman who has your same Family Vailues. But right now, I don't think that your girlfriend is mature enough to handle this situation. If it was Vice Versa, I'm sure you woulod understand her predicament. Good Luck Sweetie!!
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A
female
reader, misfitschik66  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 your child should ALWAYS come first
coming from a woman myself i belive i would be selfish in that matter but i would understand completely that the child needed to come first
she just is not worth your time and like a few posters said a good person would see past that!
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A
male
reader, doddster_24 +, writes (21 July 2008):
doddster_24 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for your replies, we had a massive row tonight and we split for 15 mins until i got the real reason why we split. we made up and hopefully i understand her alittle more now, its not about my son its becouse of my ex and her involvement in my life!!however i still cant get some feelings out my mind that i can put both joint first if i balance things right, im a caring person allround and dont desurve the pain im in at the moment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): Your child should and must come first. Any woman who can't understand that is one you would do well to avoid like the plague. Her selfishness won't end there...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 She is being totally unreasonable. Most women would never try to get in between a father and his son. If she leaves I'd say good riddance and start looking for a woman with some class.
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789 +, writes (21 July 2008):
 If she can not accept that your kid comes first then show her where the door is, she is always around you and when you do get to see your kid she should have no problems with that when your son needs money she should stay out of it because your kid should always come first before anyone else in your life. dont let noooooo one come between you and your kid.
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