A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 years old, and have been with my boyfriend for one year and 3 months. We are very much in love, and can see our futures together. He gets on really really well with all my family, my parents completely adore him!! Only problem is my mum refuse to even talk about the idea of my staying over at his.I'm at his house most night but always come home around 11-ish, unless it's the weekends when it can be nearer 2am and he has to pay for my to get a taxi home. I don't see where the problem is with me just staying at his? We went on holiday together in July and shared a bed. She knows we share rooms when we're away anywhere else? So surely it can't be a sex issue?When I try to talk to her about it she cuts me off and refuses to discuss it, her only reply is "that doesn't happen in this house", which I know is rubbish cause my oldest two brother always stayed with their girlfriends until they moved out, and my third oldest brothers girlfriend stays over here all the time! Should I just give up, or should I demand an explanation because in my eyes, she's being unreasonable, especially if she refuses to even discuss it?Please Help.
View related questions:
moved out, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not bragging, and I'm not asking if it's ok. I was just looking for other peoples opinions on it. I'm torn in the middle and do not want to unneccesarily hurt my mum, especially if what I'm expecting from her is wrong.
You're entitled to your opinion but I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to put people down when they have a problem. If you don't have advice for them then I'd rather you didn't comment.
A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (11 September 2007):
It sounds as if you will do it without your mum's permission. If so, are you just looking for somone to tell you it's O.K. Just tell mum and don't brag about it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice. Some helpful points. I think some people are missing the issue. I'm not asking to move in with him, it's just if I'm at his on a Saturday night for example, it can get to two in the morning before I go home, where it would be mich easier and makemuch more sense for me to just stay there would it not?
I understand that it is her house, and her rules, and I would accept this if she can give a proper, valid reasion is to why I shouldn't be allowed to stay with him.
I'm not sure if there is a sex issue here. I am on the pill and i'm 99% sure that she knows that. Plus I'm always at his house, for hours on end, we have been together for over a year, surely she doesn't still think we're not having sex?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): It's really not your mother's decision to make. You're an adult and you can do what you want. You shouldn't let your mum have so much control over your life, she's treating you like a child. You need to make her see that you are not her little baby anymore.
...............................
A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp +, writes (5 September 2007):
 You should definitely tell her whats what. I mean I bet she is having sex under her roof so why can't she let you do it underneath someone elses? If she has raised you right she should feel secure enough to know that you will be careful in whatever you do and she should not be suffocating you like this. I mean, you weren't a gift from a stork were you? I think maybe it's just hard for her to get over the idea of her little girl having sex. It must be hard for most mothers, but tell her she's gonna have to get over it at some point.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (5 September 2007):
If you are still accepting your Mum's support you should follow her wishes. Her values were formed in a different era. You're pushing her to change will hurt her in her soul. Don't do it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): You should put your foot down there. She may be your mother but after all that time she should realise that you are a big girl now. Make sure she gets to see that you are mature enough to take care of such a thing. She's living in the illusion that your still her little girl because she don't want to let go. You just have to help her ^^.From: The li'l helper.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): You are over 18 and therefore able to decide for yourself BUT it is their house and they have a right to decide who stays. If she is uncomfortable with it then you will have to either, move out and get a place of your own or put up with the situation. No parents wants to hear their kids having sex in the next room and no kids want to hear their parents.
take care
xx
...............................
A
male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (5 September 2007):
 Why are you even asking your mother about this?
This is in no way shape or form her decision, do what you want to do. If she has a problem tell her too bad, and that you owe her no explanations about how you choose to conduct your life.
Honestly, the only power your mother has is that which YOU give her . . .
...............................
A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (5 September 2007):
 Are you your own adult or is your family still paying for all your food, health insurance and other things like that? Also, girls get pregnant. Boys don't. Your mom may come from the school of thinking that if you stay in the house together then you had better be married. It is better to be married than to pretend to be a married couple living together. Many times when couples do move in with each other they RARELY even marry. Also, your actions reflect on your family and how they raised you. Seeing you leave from a man's house says VOLUMES. Even if you dont care what people think you can and will get treated as people think you are (ex. family of the boyfriend, constant prostitute, new wife? housekeeper etc.)
It isnt proper for a young lady to be staying at a man's house. Do millions of people do this? Yes. But I am thinking that your mother would rather you do things right than to have you do things in a convenient way and then get messed up in the process. Build yourself up financially THEN move out. After that you can do anything you want and your mom has no say because you will be your own adult and only then you have to honor your mom and not obey her.
*Gotta remember her house. Her rules and that even includes what you wear, where you go and what you eat because she is making your life possible (and you are the only daughter).Let the matter lie for right now but in the meantime work like mad to save up and move out and live life as you like. (Ask for an explanation too because then you will fully know the why's and can even ask why it is different for you and not your brothers)
...............................
|
