A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Several months back, I caught my boyfriend of three years on Myspace browsing looking at pictures of women that live in my city. In addition, he had added several of these women as his "friends", which led to many arguments.He would do look at profiles and pictures while I was exercising or basically any chance that he could get. I didn't let him know that I knew right away, so that I could monitor his behavior. I have a feeling that he was probably talking to some of these women online, but I cannot prove it. After confronting him about his behavior, he played the "stupid" card and tried to tell me that he didn't know how these women became his "friends". I also found a picture of one of the women that he saved on his computer. Of course he claimed he had no idea how it got there. It really bothered me that these women live in or near my town. It wasn't like it was porn and they were untouchable.Anyways, when he did this behind my back it really hurt my feelings. Many of the women were much older (40's +). He and I are in our early thirties. I consider myself to be physically fit and exercise 4 X a week. I also have a good career and a college degree. I don't understand why he would feel the need to look at these other women. It really disgusts me and over time my libido has taken a hit. I feel like I can't trust him, because this is not his first instance with the internet. He also had his picture posted on "Hot or Not" behind my back. I also found an email from some girl asking him out on a date (1.5 years) back. He of course claimed that he didn't know who this girl was. I can't get these issues out of my mind and tend to think he will eventually repeat this behavior.I also feel that I have a lot of hate for him related to this. I don't really know how to forgive him.Am I being completely stupid? He claims that he didn't talk to these women, but I just don't believe him. We are heading into the 4th year of our realtionship. Is it doomed?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): HiI totally understand.My boyfriend of 7 years had a Myspace account (which he never told me about) and he was down as single!and said exactly the same, "he doesnt know how these girls became friends!"He was a member on a sex chat site, and was chatting to girls on AOL and looked through porn. I'm a model, but hay, still means jack! obviously, as he needs eye candy.Do you know what i did ?I left him.That was only 2 weeks ago, yeah i miss him, but was the best thing i ever did!Theres a guy out there who will adore you, and never touch this online rubbish, yes its true!I feel hate towards him too,and again like you, didnt know how to get over it, infact i know i never will, so i left.x x x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): I don't think you are being stupid, just realistic!!! What is wrong with that. Why should he be able to carry on like this. You don't like it so that should be end of story. He should stop doing it. He has done things behind your back so immediately the trust issue has been broken. Don't settle for second best. If we only live once then why should we put up with this. Tell him exactly how you feel and under no circumstance put up with anymore shite! Lay it down on the lie and tell him to quit or you are out of that relationship.
Take care
xx
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