A
female
age
36-40,
*ittykat87
writes:I would like some opinions from you guys on how you feel about dating more than one person at the same time...I know there may be cultural differences here - I think in the US it is pretty normal for people to date a few people until one becomes more serious and then they become "exclusive". So any opinions welcome, maybe from people who are currently dating more than 1 person and how you handle it, or from people that have found out that their partner has been dating a few other people?Just to fill you in on my situation...I am dating 2 guys, neither of which are serious although I would like 1 of them to be (but I get the feeling he might be the type of guy that doesnt like to commit to one girl!). I am finding it a bit tough and feel harsh on both of them for what I am doing, but at the same time I think how bad is it really because neither of these relationships are serious and they are well aware we are just dating rather than in a serious relationship! Any advice/opinions welcome! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Debking79  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 Dating more than one person is a very personal decision, as you can see from the previous answers to this question. :) What are you comfortable with? Really think about all aspects: time, emotional closeness, cuddling, kissing, sex, etc. Ask your dates how they feel and tell them how you feel. Its always better to ask FIRST in this situation. Ask yourself and your dates.I am 30, and am a "serial monogamist." I have had 6 committed serious relationships (at least committed on my end, lol). I fall in love very easily and each break up was torturous and each relationship lasted way too long. I have realized this and have just started dating again. I think of it as hanging out as there is no sexual physical contact. I am honest with my dates. I want to get to know a man very well before I commit. At the same time, I know myself and will not sleep with anyone until I am in a committed relationship, for my own sanity. Even though being celibate sucks, it is better than the alternative for me.So I suggest tailoring your dating style to yourself, and being honest with yourself and your dates. Cheers :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): I love this question. I am in the same position except I am probably dating more than 2 people at the moment. I know it sounds pretty bad. In my humble opinion, dating more than one person is not a problem as long as the people you date aren't getting very serious. If they are getting serious than you need to make a decision, whether you want to be exclusive or put an end to that. I am very scared to be exclusive, it just feels too risky. You are putting all your attention onto someone, and what are the chances of them breaking your heart? Pretty high I'd say. I mean each person on average goes through a couple of exclusive relationships (i.e., 3 or 4?) before getting married. Even after they get married, 1/2 of these marriages will end in divorce. So you have to go through 3*2=6 relationships to find someone who really worth your attention. In other words, dating one person at a time is a dangerous and risky thing... You only have one life, live it. Maximize your limited life span and minimize heartbreaks. Plus, men function different than women. Sperm are cheaper than eggs. They care way less about women then women care about men..so protect yourself too! Dating more than one person is PERFECTLY justified in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (26 May 2009):
 I have been on the other end of this - my ex was dating multiple women, when I was dating only him. For me, we were a serious item. When I found out, it nearly finished me emotionally. I was so hurt. He didnt see any problem with it - as he said, in his mind, we were not serious, we were only dating and he wanted to see which of us he truely wanted to "date" properly. His words were "I may or may not want to date this woman in the future, but while I make up my mind, can we carry on as we are, but without the intimacy"
I felt used, and cheated, and very foolish. Its having your cake and eating it. When I wasnt available he was going out with her. Yet able to be perfectly romantic with me. It was all lies. He obviously didnt feel as deeply as he should have done about either of us, if he could say the same things to multiple women.
Its all fake. If you truely like someone, you cannot imagine dating anyone else but them. I just hope you are not sleeping with both of these guys - how would they be able to trust you if anything "serious" did come of your relationship with them?
What if one of them does really like you? How must they feel knowing, that you do not respect them enough to date only them?
Having been there, it is soul destroying.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 May 2009):
Well as you say, you are British and we don't do things that way.
Basically if you want to date lots of people at the same you have to be open and honest with those guys.
Tell them up front that you are not looking for an exclusive thing at the moment and just want some fun.
They may lose respect for you and if you do decide you like them after that it will be pretty much be tough luck as it'll be hard for them to trust you / respect you.
If you want a boyfriend then date one guy at a time. We are not like the Americans and I am pretty glad about that. If you want some fun times then be honest about it and if they are not happy / interested in what you want then they can go and find a girl to do it the proper way.
Either that or move to America and then come back when you are ready to find a guy to marry.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): Dating two people at once will seriously back fire in your face, trust me. It happened to someone i knew and ended up with disasterous consequences. She ended up loosing everything; her boyfriends, her friends, her parents ect.
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A
male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (26 May 2009):
I think you will find there are two scenarios or two types of guys who will think opposite on this.Myself, I do not like dating more then 1 person at a time. In order to build trust, dating only one person is the way to do it. Dating 1, you are not pulled away one day by this person and the next day by that personBeing placed in the middle with another guy or more, rings of the womans desire for the men to compete for her affection. This form of competion I dissaprove of, and will no play. It also tells me the girl will be expensive and needy. I may not neither have the wealth or the time to maintain her needs.Some people like a challenge. I agree, but not with a mate.
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