A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My mum recently just found out that my dad has a mistress outside and is devastated. She came to talk to me about it and asked me what should she do. My dad still doesnt know that she knows. My mum is the kind that cant get over even those small issues and problems, so shes finding it very hard to hide from my dad.What can I do?
View related questions:
mistress Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007): I wonder whether your mum has come to talk to you about it because you are the only one she feels she can trust or because she finds it hard to hide her feelings.If it is the latter perhaps you could suggest that she go and see a qualified counsellor. Someone whom she could trust to be confidential and would help her explore her options. However if it's because she is struggling to hide how she feels, as you suspect it will not be long before your dad knows that she is aware and this will hopefully bring the situation out into the open for an honest discussion between them. Either way despite your mum being very vulnerable at the moment it is not your role to sort either of your parents problems out. Your just meant to love em....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007): I CAN SPEAK because I have been in your shoes and it nearly ruined my life. Why? because my mother put all that pressure on me like if it was my problem just like yours is doing to you and it depressed the hell out of me and I failed in college and then she stayed with him and criticized me for my failure and sent my self esteem to the bottom and I struggled with suffering for years.
Yes, it will affect you and it is already affecting you (like 'fishdish' said) but it's true what 'Danielepew' is saying you should stay away from the issue. Suffer it like a son not like a spouse. Trust me I'm grown up already and I've read a lot about that issue and as a professional in human conduct also please don't carry your mother's suffering. It's not your baggage is hers. DO NOT ASSUME THE CHARACTER OF HER FATHER. Support her understanding her feelings but gently let her know is something she has to deal with alone and/or with the help of people who can give her objective advice like a psychiatrist, counselor or maybe her friends and adult family members. Tell her you wouldn't know what to do or say (other than it's wrong) about the situation because there's a conflict of interests because he is your father.
Tell her you don't support what your father did but you are in no position to decide what she should do because afterall he is the only father you'll ever have and she could have various partners in her lifetime.
She WILL TRY TO POISON YOUR MIND AGAINST HIM. It's typical in these situations. Don't let her poison your mind against your father because it will end up deteriorating your relationship with him. Set limits and tell her you don't want details. Suggest her to share and look for comfort in her friends and/or family, or counselor.
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (25 November 2007):
 I tend to disagree with Danielepew's logic...cheating affects the whole family, and consequences obviously go beyond husband and wife when they're going to have tension about this.That said, I do agree with his sying don't get too involved--I think it's best if you tell her you can't tell her what's best, only she knows that but you should support your mother,as she is probably at her most vulnerable and she needs someone to talk to, and i think it's acceptable for you to step up and be that shoulder for her to cry on if necessary.
...............................
A
female
reader, saf  +, writes (25 November 2007):
well first of all your mum shouldnt feel low or depressed,your dad is very unappreciative towards your mum and you, you should confront him and make sure to tell him its my way or the highway,or dont tell him and cream every penny from him until you are loaded then suprise him,dont cry and feel sorry for your self, go out and boogie sister. Anyway i hope you found your answer and sort your life out, sweet dreams saf.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 November 2007):
 Maybe this is not the advice you expected, but I think this is not a problem you should deal with. It is your mother's problem to decide what she will do about it. She's the wife, not you. I assume you don't like or approve your father's cheating, but, this isn't something he is doing to YOU. He is disrespecting and mistreating your mother. She needs to decide what to do.
Resist the temptation to get involved. This is not your call. This is a problem between husband and wife.
Suppose, for a minute, that it were your mother who'd be seeing another man. Would it be right of your father to ask you what to do about it?
I suspect you do have a problem at home. Your mother is putting all the responsibilities on your shoulders. This isn't right.
...............................
|
