A
female
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anonymous
writes:Yesterday i came home from work and my mum was really weird with me - very quiet and acting like she was mad and didnt want to speak to me but i didnt know why. So i went up to my room and saw that she had been tidying it up because she had a day off work. anyway i didnt think too much of it then i noticed my vibrator was lying on my bed (when i always keep it in a box in a drawer) so obviously she had found it and left it out so i would know she found it! i am completely mortified and dont know how to look at her. i'm 19 and i know she must be shocked but she's acting completely repulsed. I am sooo embarrassed i could die!
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male
reader, Tomas  +, writes (21 February 2009):
I would be tempted to use this as an opening to talk to her. You never know.
"I see you found my toy" "Did you ever try one" "You know they make different kinds"
If she knows that you are not embarrassed about it, and she is embarrassed, she'll probably never bring it up for fear you'll start talking about it.
If she knows you are not embarrassed about it, and she is slightly curious, she might do a "well no we never did such things. I mean I've seen them but I never thought..." Anyway she might not clam up, and it could be something you could talk about as adults.
If she does have moral or religious objections to sexuality, then I agree with some other folks here that something along the lines of "it's cheaper and a lot less hassle than the alternative, and I don't even have to insert stereotypical joke about men here".
I think the key is to respond with goodwill and humor. At best, she was embarrassed and doesn't know what to say. At worst, she thought she could cower you by treating you like a shy little girl.
A generous confident response handles both cases.
And of course this is totally nothing to be embarrassed about, except in a gee that's funny way.
:-) Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009): you should really get her back for wat she did
OMG
its y5our life and your privacy she shouldnt of been lookin round your room anyway
!!! GET HER BACK !!!
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (26 September 2008):
 Oh my God Waz, that thread was hilarious! You think she's still looking for it? Whatever happened to her?
I spotted my son's girlfriend's 'bunny' in his room not long ago....it's absolutely disgusting, I'm still in two minds whether to tell her or not!!
I mean if you're gonna have one of them, then at least invest in 'a top of the range' one, like mine!
: ^ p
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): jsut go up to her and say would you rather for me to have sex with boys or have a dildo your choice..at least your not sleeping with a different guy every night to pleasure yourselfjeez
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggghh! Tell her it belongs to the cat... thats what I did and it worked
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): That is so hot that you use one, and your mum should not have gone in the box really. Tell her it safer than boys. Best of luck xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): its fine to have one and its fine to use one.
sorry you feel embarreses,it will eventually go away!!!
your mum should be more considerate.but thats some mums for you.dont hate her cos shes the only one youll get.
take care
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): Maybe you should go through her stuff to see what you can find to leave on HER bed, or the kitchen table!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): My mom would have never done that to me! I'd be more likely to find a dildo in her room. But honestly, you're 19. Why the hell is she going through your shit, and why is she touching your dildo?? What a nutcase! She needs to get a piece of reality and realize that everyone has sexual needs. Obviously she does too, or you would not be here today. I think she's just trying to humiliate you & make you feel bad which is wrong of her. This is like if a father caught his 19 year old son masterbating & got mad at him & tried making him feel ashamed. What she should have done is left it alone. What is the big deal? Would she rather you went around having sex with guys instead of pleasuring yourself? She sounds like a total overbearing judgemental hag, sorry. Don't feel bad dear, there is nothing wrong with you. On the bright side, you won't have to deal with her forever.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 September 2007):
 I'm with Phil here. That was hilarious! :-D You shouldn't be embarrased. It is absolutely fine to have a sex toy. If you know for sure that your Mom put it on your bed because she disapproves, it's her hang-up, not yours. It's a cringe-worthy moment all right, we all have them, they do fade or become funny with time. You could always leave one wrapped up for her on her bed, with a note that reads - "Noticed you were interested in these... Thought you might like one of your own." She might be a bit more reluctant to intrude if you put her on her back foot. I am sitting and thinking about all the times that I wished that the ground would have opened up under me too. Thanks for the giggle Phil and hope that you and your Mom work it out. My daughter recently went into my bedroom to find something and saw a sex toy sitting out. She dragged me into the bedroom by my hand just to embarrass me - "SO - Mom, What the heck is that?". So it can actually happen in reverse too... lol.
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (20 September 2007):
 you have nothing to be embarrased about and she needs to know that. You're a sexual human being with needs. At least you don't have every Tom, Dick and Harry running through the house (or in this case, every Tom's Hairy Dick)!
Yes, as others have stated, some boundaries need to be set. Yes, you're living in her house, but there are still boundaries that she can follow in her own house. If she's unwilling to cooperate and not leave your vibrator out for public display, then it's probably time to find your own place of residence away from your mom. Sorry, that's life.
At nineteen, I don't think you'd be stepping over the line if you said something like "I don't know what all the fuss is about, it's just a vibrator!". She if she responds - it may open a dialogue between you two.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): I think if I were you I'd ask her to ask you first before borrowing things, and also to put them back where they came from when she's finished playing with them!
Phil
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (20 September 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,Good grief. (*rolls eyes*) I say that because it sounds like something my mother would have done to me. To me, it sounds like she was just trying to humiliate you.I would tell her thanks for cleaning your room, but you do not appreciate your personal items being left out on display and that some boundaries need to be set. (If yur mother is anything like mine, she'll say something along the lines of "This is MY house and YOU will not tell me what I can do in it!" At this point, I would probably ask her what is really bothering her. Maybe she's just upset that you're growing up. But maybe she's a religious nut. The second instance will be harder to deal with.)Next, I would go get a box that you can lock and put your personal things in it. If you feel the need (since she already knows about it), you can write something about how there are personal items in the box, so don't open it. (I don't know how nosy your mother is, but I know mine would proably think a locked box means drugs. Yes, my parents were impossible to get along with. No, I never did anything that they accused me of, if you are wondering. ^_^ I'm just trying to be as helpful as possible with your problem.)Anyway, if neither of those suggestions work, then the good thing is that she probably will not do it again anyhow. The damage she's done has already happened and a repeat of the incident probably will not make you feel anymore embarassed. (It's weird, how we get embarassed about things like this...it's only natural, afterall, right?)I guess if this keeps continuing, you might also want to find a place of your own where you can have some privacy. Maybe find a roommate and start becoming more independent. It would be a great experience, anyway, aside from moving purely to have privacy from your nosy mother.Hope this helps. Take care.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (20 September 2007):
 embarrassment is one of natures less favouarable emotions, but in a few years you'll be laughing this off.okay, so at the moment it feels as though you want the ground to open up and swallow you whole but i'm sure she's just having trouble imaging her little girl grown up. i know how my parents would react and it's cringeworthy! but if you speak to your mum and tell her you understand she's uncomfortable with this situation which is why you don't want to discuss it any further, she'll be ok, i'm sure.maybe find another place to hide it in future, like in a box in a cupboard, for added security - but i promise she'll get past it.best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): I think you should confront her. Tell her that you are an adult with adult needs. Tell her that although you appreciate her helping you to clean your room she should not have been snooping. Leaving it out on your bed like that was childish of her. Get a lock put on your door and inform her that she will get a key when she is ready to act like an adult and treat you as a grown up.
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