A
female
age
30-35,
*HannaHx
writes:ok right me and my mum have never got on well. we always have arguments and i have s.a.d seasoning depression and this time of year is the worst for me.. my cousin died in september and hes best friend hasnt spoke to any one about him since last week when he phoned me asking me to go and see him. but since the night before i didnt get in till 1 in the morning my mum said i couldnt go out. but i went out anyway. when she realised i had gone she was really angry with me and we had yet another argument. she brought up 11 things in 2 mins that is all my fault and so nasty to say to me i didnt even no what to say so i just cried. anyway 2 nights ago i stayed at my boyfriends house and didnt tell her i told her i was staying at my sisters house. in the morning my phone was dead and when i charged it i had millions of mist calls from her and texts threatening to call the police wanting to no where i was. i got home that night around 12 half 12 and i just cried as i feel used and treated badly. but last night things got to much for me and i have gone back to self harm and i wish i never did it :'( please help me i dont know what to do:(.x
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female
reader, xxbecksyxx +, writes (28 November 2008):
 Hun. I know you think that you are the victim in this situation, but really your mother is just showing she cares. To a parent, their child is the most important thing. Think how she would feel. You lie about staying somewhere, she phones and realizes you're not there. She has no idea where you are and if you're okay.
Today's world is full of bad things; teenage pregnancies, murderous gangs, drugs, alcohol. Your mum is just showing she loves you. Try to be reasonable. Have a thoughtful chat with her, make sure she trusts you and you trust her.
Afterall, it's not you that she doesn't trust. It's the endless bad people out there.
x
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (28 November 2008):
 Hon I know you that you don't seem to quite understand this now, but your Mom is trying to tell you that she LOVES YOU! In today's world so much is happening with sex,drugs and alcohol. So much gang activity, teen pregnancies, and lots of other things.
I know it's hard to understand how you feel being the Teen here and all the peer pressure you have. The friends you connect with that are able to kinda do what they want, when they choose. But in a Mother's world her children are a main focus in her life. Can you only think for a moment on what it's really like to be the ADULT? After all hon she has already been thru those years. Even though she may not have faced all that you do she has faced those years and she can see and fear for you. It's a Mother's love that sometimes makes us blow things a bit out of porportion, but when someone your age stays out until 1 or so in the morn we worry if you are ok or stranded somewhere. Our minds begin to race with fear. Our emotions take over and sometimes being the Imperfect Human's we are, we over react.
Now if you will consider this. Even though youare for most purposes an adult, in most places you aren't really considered an ADULT until you are 18 or 21. Most of the time if you are out so late at night it might be coneieved that you are either in trouble or getting into some.
My best advice would be to help your Mother to learn to trust you and your judgement by talking to her. There is no need to blame, yell, or curse. Be open and honest in your efforts. She will soon see that you are willing to meet her halfway. Find a proper time which is suitable between your Mom and you. If I might say here that when I was young even after a divorce I stayed in my Father's home and strange as it sounded I had a 12 Oclock curfew. I was already 20 years old and out of respect for my Father and My Father's house I did as he asked. It didn't really hurt anything. I never suffered because of it. *Show your Mom respect and give her suggestions on setting up rules by which you can abidel Be reasonable. For your age let it be 11:00 0r 12:00 perhaps.
Stay in school. (Both of mine quit)Show her that the efforts she has made in taking care of you has been well appreciated. Spend more time with your Mom, get to know one another better. (Bonding) My daughter surely gave me a fit. She followed your pattern and wound up a teenage Mother. I stepped in and helped all I could , she was my daughter and I still loved her. It's been a rough rode for both of us but now we are really close. She now walks in my steps and knows just where I have been. You see hon it's all about a two way street, love, respect, appreication, care, kindness and whatever else comes with.It won't be easy but you try to help Mom turn things all around so you can have a better relationship.
I have to tell you that as a teen my Mom had long been gone, her mental health issues caused her to leave when I was 10. I loved my Mama and there was no one else like her. Thru many years I really never had the Mama I knew that in my heart she really was. I never let myself forget. I am 51 years old now and I lost her to Altzheimers in '98. Whatever I went thru in life, even when she wasn't able to do things for me like a Mother would,I knew she loved me. Nothing will ever replace the good memories that we had shared and she is forever in my HEART.
I know how hard depression can be. I have had it all my life. I also suffer from S.A.D which makes it worse. In '91 I was diagnosed as being Bi-Polar in 2003 with Cancer. Life sends us a bunch of sour lemons so just get out the SUGAR and MAKE SOME LEMONADE! (meaning) Be kind to your Mom and shower her with love, it can make all the differnce in the world.
When tears fills my eyes,as I write this to you I pray that you don't wait to show her that you love her until she gone. I took care of my Mama until she passed away in '98 There were only two people in her life that she remembered. I had 7 other siblings and she didn't know anybody but my Step Dad and ME! Don't waste your time being angry because she doesn't let you do everything you want to. Spend your precious time in getting to know her for one day you will be `51 and chances are you will have missed a long life in a loving realationship with your MOTHER.
I hope what I leave you with is an OPEN and WILLING HEART and all the BLESSINGS That GOD INTENDS for you BOTH.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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