A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I broke up while I was 3months pregnant mainly because he did not have a job and my mom and him did not like each other even before I got pregnant. I have always loved him and wish I could be back with him and have a family. He now has held a job for almost a year and wants to get back together with me and even try to have a relationship of some sort with my mom. Only problem is, my mom has health issues and she does not want me to move out and with my mom being there for me the whole time I was pregnant and protecting me from stressing about his job status,she says I have to pick either her or him, how do I go about getting back with him but still keeping my mom around too?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 June 2011):
 I'm a mom and I would never ever tell my child to choose between a love and family.
I'm sorry your mom is putting you in this position.
and while folks may not agree with me, I'm being told by some friends who are as close as family that I have to choose between them and my BF you better believe anyone who gives me the ultimatum to choose between US or THEM... I'm going with THEM....
You are over 18 your mother does not have the right to make you choose... and if she forces you, I'd call her bluff and choose a man I love and plan to spend the rest of my life with over a controlling mom any day of the week.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk for one the whole basis of everything is do is for my child. Yes my mom was there but she would not let him around while I was pregnant and even after! I had no stop to this because the fact he did not have a job for the first two months while I was pregnant and so I couldnt possibly stay with him. My mom and him have issues for the simple fact she has had a problem with any and every guy I have dated because she doesnt want me to leave. Shes told me this. As for I "only see him as a bf"..um no I sure dont. I see him as a man I love and the father of my child and someone who wasnt given a fair chance. We were together two years before I got pregnant so the both of them not liking each other has been going on for quite some time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): I just want to add, the answer to your problem is pretty simple, if he really does want to build a relationship with her is "stealing" you away from her really the best way to achieve that? Nope, he has to earn her trust first OP, she doesn't have to like him, she may never like him but she'll accept you being together if he can prove to her that he's worthy of that and will be good to you and provide for your future and that of your kid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): OP you don't specify why your mother doesn't like this guy and no it's not just because of his lack of a job, she didn't like him before you got pregnant.
She has to have her reasons OP, what are they? What is it about this guy that she hates?
Look if your situation was as simple as your question then I'd say your mom was being unfair but I seriously doubt she would throw her daughter and grandchild out for something as petty sounding. In my my experience good, caring mothers always have a good reason when they dislike a boyfriend. She may think he's no good and she may well be right regardless of what you think.
Did he still pay for and see his child in all the time you've been apart? He's been working a year now, why has it taken that long for him to try and reconcile?
You see OP, it took him a hell of a long time to sort his shit out after becoming a father. For 6 months of your pregnancy it was your mother who took on the 'father' role. What was he doing in all this time?
OP your mothers sick, family comes first always. Would you rather your child just abandon you for some guy/girl you didn't like because you thought they were a lousy partner while you were sick? If he really is worthy of you getting back together with him then he can wait a little while and work is ass off to prove himself to your mother first. That way you get to stay at home for while and look after her too. You're a mother now OP, what would you want your child to do? You want it to think of you, consider how you feel and do your best to resolve the situation with you as its priority. Family is family OP, he may be your kids father but to you he's just a boyfriend.
You can keep both by choosing her now and getting him to build that relationship with her before you decide to move out. OP he has to prove to your mother that he's worthy of that. You're very young, trust your mom, she's not doing this to sabotage your life, she's trying to protect you it's up to him to prove he can take over that role, it's up to him to show her that he can be a good partner for you and that getting back together really is the best thing for the child.
It's the safest way OP, because she may well see something you don't about this situation, so when your mom thinks it's a good idea then you know you're safe.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 This is totally unfair of your mother. You have to convince her that you are entitled to give it a go with the father of your child. It sounds as though he is maturing, growing up, and deserves a chance at having a family with you. Don't give up on you mum, she is probably scared for you. Hopefully she will come around. And you can all be supportive of each other.
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A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 First of all you need to tell your mum that 'YOU REFUSE' to pick between her and your guy coz despite her being there for you...bless her soul,what she is doing now is using instruments of manipulation..the bad kind to get you to comply with her,and with all that you have going on in your life right now,that would be a no win situation for anybody so you need to yank that stick of power away frm her by telling her that you refuse to make such a choice,theres lots of other ways to make everyone happy,just let her knw that u love her and will always be there for her but be firm n let her knw that what shes demanding of you is neither acceptable nor a solution.gd luck n hang in there
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): Your mom has no right to ask this of you, no matter how good she's been to you. You have to live your own life, and if there's even the slightest chance of having a proper family with the man you love and the father of your child, you should go for it. It wouldn't just be good for you, it would be good for your child. Try and explain to your mum that you love her and are very grateful for her help, but you have to do this for your own happiness and that of your child. Also tell her that he would like to start over and start a good relationship with her, that he's willing to put things behind him. I hope she turns round! Good luck!
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A
male
reader, oneguy +, writes (11 June 2011):
This is a horrible situation.
You must make your Mother and your ex talk to each other, with you being a moderator and facilitator. Why do they hate each other? Why? They must and should resolve their issues, else everyone will be on the losing side.
A marriage/relationship is really something that concerns the whole family. This is what makes it so tough and heartbreaking. Someone or the other will have problems with the person you love and everyone cannot be pleased.
Make them talk. You must play it shrewdly - your Mom and ex are both important to you. So get both of them.
Best of luck.
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