A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear aunts and uncles,I have this issue and I am not sure how to handle it. I am 22 and live with my parents, but I pay them rent and utilities.That said, I had a boyfriend that I recently broke up with, but my family does not know, they just know things are not going well between us.I met someone else recently, and we went on a date. He sent me flowers two days later.My mother asked, and I said they must be from my ex because I did not want her to intrude on my business.Yesterday night my mother asked me help her change the password on her email, as she did not know how. When I did it, I noticed an email from my ex, that said "No, it was not me who sent her flowers, do not worry I wont tell her" , so I had to see the rest and it was my mother saying "Sorry, I thought you had sent them please don't tell my daughter I emailed you to ask you, you know how difficult she is"My ex did not mention this to me, I'm sure honoring the request of my mother. I am really upset at my mother for going behind my back, because now he knows something I rather him not know if I do not tell him, because we were in talks of getting back together.I am very upset, how can I confront my mother? I respect her very much, but how do I bring up topic since I saw it on her email? How should I respectfully make her understand why it bothers me, and why it is a violation of my privacy? Am I making a big deal out of this?
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broke up, flowers, live with my parents, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 August 2012):
 Good for you :)
Mom's know when stuff it up.. We can't help it.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2012): Hello everyone :)
Thanks for your answers, my mom knew things were not working out and we were "on a break". As far as moving out, I am moving out this month due to school, so no problems there. You guys are right, it is not a big deal, and I was just upset by the moment, I see no problem now and I think me being so secretive activated my mom's alarm lol. I let the thing go, and told her about the guy I went out with, and about breaking up with my ex. ;)
Thank you for helping me see how silly I was, sometimes you need people telling you you are acting stupid, ebcause you are too stupid you realize it! 3
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (11 August 2012):
I dont really think thats snooping. Like the other aunts suggested she didnt know he was ur ex probably said the flowers were nice and then he said he didnt send them and she didnt want u to get upset esp cuz she didnt know. Now my mom snoops. I dont even live with her. She always asks very personal questions, always asks if somethings wrong, when she comes over she will read my mail, she will call my fiancee and ask how things with me are going, she will talk about me to whoever will listen either bragging or smack talking, shes a bit of a "gossiper". Now that is snooping lol. but i have to accept it, shes my mom. Take it with a grain of salt and not let it bother me. Most people discredit her now anyways and its not something i choose to cut her out of my life for. You can bring it up to ur mom, i would just be honest with her. She was your age once also.
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A
female
reader, Bitterlysweet +, writes (11 August 2012):
 You're making a big deal out of this trust me. She was just asking your ex if he was the one that sent you the flowers. First of all you lied to your mom about the flowers, you knew it wasn't your ex. So that gives your mom a reason to get into your business. Wy? Because you hve the need to lie to her. You don't want her to get in your business don't lie. Just say the truth. (My ex and I broke up things aren't working between us, and I dated someone else) there you told her what was going on so she doest need to ask for more. That simple
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 August 2012):
I can't see how it is a violation of YOUR privacy at all. She (your mom) had NO clue you two broke up and I'm guessing she assumed the flowers were a peace offering from him, specially when YOU said that the might be from him. You basically got caught in your own lie. It happens.
Now if you don't want your mom to pry into your business, moving out is one option or being honest with her another. Both would work.
Talk to your mom.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 August 2012):
 I have to agree with BondGirl. The problem isn't that your mother "intruded" in any way. She saw flowers. She got curious. That's how people work. If you want privacy, then move out. If you don't want your mother to know about any flowers then hide them, or refuse to receive them when you live at your mothers.
If going on dates with other men ruins your chances of getting back with your ex, then the problem isn't your mother. The problem is that you shouldn't be going on dates with new men! Not if you want your ex back! Don't blame your mother for this, because if you want to get back with your ex then naturally you shouldn't be dating other men.
I think you need to make up your mind about what you want, and stop doing things that you need to hide from everyone else. If you want to date new men, your ex will find out eventually, and you can't run back to him. If you want your ex back you can't be going on dates with other men.
It is not a violation if your privacy to ask questions about where you received flowers. It's a violation to snoop in your things. But when you have flowers that can be seen by everyone.. well... they're out in the open. And you lied, so no wonder your mother thought it was your ex.. you told her he sent them! What exactly do you want to confront your mother with? Talking to your ex who she didn't even know was your ex? I don't see the crime in that, nor any violation of privacy.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (11 August 2012):
 I disagree with you and the post below. Your mom and your ex were not talking behind your back. Your mom did not know he was an ex at the time because YOU LIED. She probably said something in passing to him about what a nice thought it was to send you flowers. He told her he did not send them and that is the extent of it.
If you don't want your mom seeing flowers/questioning flowers that are sent to HER HOUSE, then you need to find someplace else to live.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2012): I think your mother she's out of bounds with her emails to your boyfriend...but I also think for your own sanity, you might also be open with her.
Tell her you've broken up so she doesn't have to guess or make wrong assumptions. Tell her you saw the email while changing her password and you don't appreciate her being so indiscreet with your personal life.
Your mother is being disrespectful, but if you live under her roof it's unrealistic to think you can keep secrets like this from her.
Move out when you can and I think you'll get a lot more privacy which seems to be what you really want.
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