A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiance were supposed to get married april 2013. I was planning a surprise trip for his bday in october. I have a male friend who is a travel agent and since it was a surprise, went through him to buy the tickets book the hotel. I paid him cash and he got everything all booked and ready. My fiance thought i cheated on him with this man because i would meet him for dinner and come home late. My friend is also gay. There is no way i would sleep with him no matter his orientation. My fiance then cheated on me, he planned it so i found them when i got home. It was devastating. I then pulled out all my reciepts and tickets, threw them at him and ended our relationship. Hes been telling me how sorry he is and begging for me back, i just dont know. This happened a week ago. I met with my friend 3 times over the course of a month to plan the trip. My fiance and i also have children. I feel hurt and betrayed. He jumped to a conclusion and cheated like i meant nothing. I love him but i think its ruined.
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (13 August 2012):
I am truely sorry for you loss. If you continue to have feelings of uncertainty, please book an appointment for relationship counseling and tell him he needs to go with you. An unbiased third party, the counselor, can ultimately help both of you determine whether your relationship can be saved, or if it would be best to go seperate ways. Additionally, this type of counseling will help you both identify and work on any problems or issues that could affect your relationship (should you choose to stay together), or future relationships.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 August 2012):
Dump him, dump him, DUMP HIM.
He was exceptionally cruel, and there's no way that I'd take someone like this back. Nothing will make up for this.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (12 August 2012):
 Wow, I know it's already been said but this has truly been an eye opener for you hasn't it? Sure, to him it may have seemed like you were cheating but can his suspicions really be justified by such an atrocious reaction? I personally know guys like this. They think the best way to get back at an unfaithful partner is to either A. Sleep with her relative/best friend or B. Get caught cheating.
It was really childish of him to try and "Get back at you" by evening the score when all he had were suspicions. I can understand the pain wondering if a loved one is with another but to actually get payback by cheating? Not only that, but he wanted to make sure you walked in on them?? Wow, which dumpster did you go diving in to find this trash?
Be thankful you know about him now. Leave and never look back. These kind of guys aren't men you want to involve yourself with. There's more bad than good in them.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (12 August 2012):
 This is definitely a communication and trust issue, which are two of the biggest relationship killers. He thought you were cheating, but instead of confronting you, and discussing it like a mature adult, he went out and cheated AND arranged for you to catch him in the act. I don't believe it gets any ,ore immature then that.
That shows a fundamental flaw in his character, and if you marry him you are in for a lifetime of heartache. Do not forgive him, and do not give him a second chance.
I don't know how long the two of you have been together, but be thankful you discovered his true nature before you married him.
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A
female
reader, yanna58 +, writes (12 August 2012):
Unlike YouWish, I see nothing wrong with your actions. I don't see having dinner with a platonic friend as a suspicious act. You viewed it as no different than having dinner with a girl and let's face it: it was no different than having dinner with a girl, especially since you were planning a fun surprise for your fiance.
I do, however, agree with YouWish that your relationship is flawed beyond repair. Clearly, you and your former fiance have had serious communication and trust problems. Instead of confronting you, he jumped to conclusions and acted in a vindictive manner. I suspect that he jumped to conclusions because he was cheating already or at least had seriously entertained the idea of cheating on you.
You deserve better. But because you have children together, it's hard to end things. You're in a terrible position, but your relationship is completely lacking in trust. He didn't have trust in you and now you can't trust him. Without trust there's no relationship. Even if you can somehow forgive him and redevelop the trust on your end, (which is so hard to do), you can't force him to trust you. Since he didn't trust you through no fault of yours, why will he trust you in the future?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 August 2012):
 I think it is ruined, to be honest. You did leave yourself open to a huge misunderstanding, because quite frankly, going out to dinner behind a guy's back is crap. Buying tickets and booking a hotel doesn't require you to go out to late dinners with another guy. Sorry, but I would be upset too about that.
HOWEVER, his reaction to go out and cheat on you has got to be the most immature thing on the face of the earth. Again, if he suspected his fiance is cheating, wouldn't the logical reaction be to confront her about it and break up?? Instead, he didn't talk to you about it, but decided to hurt you by cheating and making sure you caught him doing it.
Honestly, and I know you don't see it as this, but you just dodged the biggest bullet of your entire life. Do not marry him. Do not date him. End things with him, because he just showed a really nasty side to him that would have made your life a living hell inside of a marriage. He's cruel and vindictive and immature, and you're much better off without him.
The lesson for you too is, don't make excuses that your male friend is gay, so it's okay. If you're in a relationship, think about things from your partner's perspective. If your boyfriend were having late night dinners with another girl behind your back, your mind would be going places too. Trust me, the "She's a lesbian" excuse has been used to hide cheating many more times than you think. Even though you weren't cheating, it still can incite huge misunderstandings, and now you can see where cruel, vindictive, and immature guys do when confronted by misunderstandings.
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