A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, been seeing a married work colleague, whos marriage is seriously not fulfilling for her. Know we both shouldent but fancy each other like crazy. She is suffering with guilty concience and i am too believe it or not and its made us both ill/moody. Spoke to her the other day and she said she just doesnt want to be with anyone but would be better on her own. Does she mean this or simply need space/be confused as to who or what she wants. Im tempted to mssage her in a few days as i know shees feelin vulnerable an confused just to tell her i hope shes ok cos the bottom line no matter what is that i care for her whatever she does and as long as shes happy im ok. which in honesty i would be as i care that much even if it means she chooses to try to make her marriage work and that i get hurt. Or should i leave her to make contact if she chooses to do so although i fear if i do this she may think that i dont really care that much as i have abandoned her when she is prob her most vulnerable. Help!!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 July 2007):
 Let her husband take care of her and her "vulnerability". You don't have to worry about a thing except why you allowed yourself to be such a cad and vow never to be one again.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (25 July 2007):
 You're living in a dream. I guess it's become reality but you paint a noble picture, almost like you're a martyr. You are actually a trouble maker and have no business in this scenario. Someone who is truly concerned about someone else trys to help them, not get them in bed. So, yes...YOU are a big part of the PROBLEM. YOU should have stayed out of her space in the beginning. YOU are helping to create a big mess in the lives of many people. YOUR hurt is really not important because it was derived from a situation you got yourself into. It's kind of like feeling sorry for the bank robber when his stolen money runs out.
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A
male
reader, blazee  +, writes (24 July 2007):
 leave her to get her thoughts together.she has walked down the aisle with this other man, there was obviously a time when she loved him.be careful you might be getting involved in something with no happy ending.often when a girl says something as important as that she means exactly what she says. there may be a little tiny chance to change her mind but to be honest it will be hard and you will be most likely prolonging the inevitable.i think you two will break up and she will follow through what she says:but be strong ok?and be there after she does so you can get the rebound ;)btw you have to give her time. let her think it though ok?
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A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (24 July 2007):
 You need to "Be a man", with confidence and strength. By contacting her, you are showing her that you are weak. Not only are you willing to check on her to make sure she's all right, but your willing to do all that even though she's another man's woman. You are settling for second best if your're even remotely looking at this as a relationship for you and her. When a woman says to me leave, guess what, I leave. I don't try to second guess it, I can only control myself and what I do. Much like what she is doing by asking you to go away. There's alot to be said about no strings fun, but when the other person says it's over, it's over. If you want to be in the wings if she needs to get back with you, then make yourself available, but wait until she contacts you. In the meantime find another no strings girl. I wouldn't have much faith in having a lasting relationship with a woman that would cheat on her husband. That spells REBOUND, and yes you would be the one to get hurt. Decide what you want and do it. She is.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (24 July 2007):
 She probably needs to go ahead and file for divorce, move into her own apartment and sort things out for awhile. Give her the space to do this, but don't make her feel pressured, like you're going out at the bars, dating other women simply because she needs a little space. It might take her a few months to figure out what has happened and why. More than likely she's afraid of making another mistake and wants to be sure of her feelings before she becomes involved with you further. Hopefully the guilt will fade once she takes action, and is no longer sneaking around behind her spouse's back. I would say if she loves you, she's going to want you around once everything is final. Stay in the wings if possible. Be loving, be supportive and make sure she knows you'll be there when she's got things figured out. Good luck.
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