A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:SO I’m engaged but my proposal Sucked!!! he didn’t even decorate there was no romantic music and he knows that I love flowers and he didn’t even give me one!!! He used a beat up candle that was already used and I didn’t even get to dress up nor didn’t he ask my parents before he popped the question!!! I’m so mad because I gave him an idea of how I would like to be proposed and he didn’t do it and I also told him that I wanted a princess cut a small one nothing fancy and he didn’t get that either! Im not bothered about the ring just about the proposal!!!! Should this bother me as much as it does it just bugs me and makes me mad because when they ask me how he proposed I have to lie about it and say that it was the most romantic thing he has ever done!! He wants to make it up to me and do a second proposal should I let him??? or is a proposal only a one chance thing!!
View related questions:
engaged, flowers Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): Yes you should definetly let him do it again. I am 23 years old and have been married for two years. I told myself the proposal doesnt matter the wedding doesnt matter...but we're girls...no matter what anyone says...we like to be treated like princesses atleast by the man that loves us....it is very important that your guy understands that early on...boys will be boys...they need to understand that to a lot of girls anyways...romance is very important...there are a few moments in our life that we always dream of...and those moments end up being the most important memories in our life....like a proposal and the wedding..i'm not saying break it off if you don't get the perfect proposal or wedding...just make sure he understands how important it is and find something to replace it..like a new proposal..you don't have to hurt his feelings just be honest with him and be like..."hey lets go out and do a pretend proposal" take photos get some attention...make sure you're happy...otherwise you'll blame him later on in your life
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): I would give anything to have a marriage proposal, than nothing at all.
You're complaining on every little things. Life don't always plans the way you want them to.
Accept the first proposal and move on. Be careful what you say about the proposal cause he see this as you're not into him, but a fairy tale to a great insult.
BE FREAKY HAPPY YOU'RE ENGAGED! And stop being selfish.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to all who responded yeah I know I sound like a real Bi*@#$ and like a very snotty person and high maintenance and I’m really not like that, but what hurts me the most is that I told him that this is something VERY SPECIAL in my life and he just total blew it off ! but when it all comes down when I think about that day I really didn’t care about anything it was just him and I and I was and I still am very excited that I’m getting married (but not about the proposal!) I know that I love him with all my heart I just hate remembering that my proposal sucked. But I guess I shouldn’t be selfish and just remember about the real meaning of the proposal. Once again thanks to all =’)
...............................
A
female
reader, kittywithissues +, writes (15 January 2011):
Don't complain! You should be happy he proposed to you at all! I'm 14 and engaged to the only man I ever want to be (he of course is 16) and even at my age I see no reason to complain. He proposed to me in my living room when I was still mad at him for being five hours late, with no flowers, no decorations, wearing clothes full of holes and covered in dirt. We've been engaged for a month now and we're perfectly happy. The ring he gave me was too big, had a single small diamond and even though I expected something more I knew he did the best he could and I was still happy.
You should really think over it. Would you rather have a fancy proposal that YOU planned, or something that he did himself. It may not be what you wanted but he loved you enough to propose to you and thats what matters, isn't it?
...............................
A
female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 Why the hell does the proposal matter? You should be happy that you are going to get married to the (hopefully) man of your dreams! Proposals shouldn't matter to anyone at the end of the day.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (15 January 2011):
 I agree with the other posters here for the most part. I would think you'd be excited to be engaged to the man of your dreams.
Instead, you are already making excuses about him because he didn't propose the way you wanted him to.
Sure, you can let him propose a second time, but you know what, 25 years from now, you are still going to remember the first one rather than the second one.
Personally, I think you need to reassess what marriage means to you and the significance of it. I know you are disappointed but there is more to marriage than the pomp and ceremony. After the confetti has been cleaned up, you are going to have to live with this guy. In these days of rampant divorce, you should be thankful you found someone who loves you enough to take that risk the ultimate chance with you.
Good luck with your wedding plans and congratulations.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Maybe he didn't propose the way you wanted but i think you are being a little immature about it. There may not have been romantic music and a 100 roses but the fact that he proposed in itself is romantic and should be enough for you.
Instead of complaining about how he went about it you should be over the moon that you're engaged, but you're not. To be honest you sound a little superficial and if you tell your fiancée that you didn't like the way he asked you i'm sure he would be deeply hurt.
You say you're not bothered about the ring yet you complain it isn't the one you wanted. To be honest i don't think you are ready for marriage anyway as you sound a little selfish and if the way he proposed is such a big deal to you i dread to think what the wedding planning will be like.
...............................
A
female
reader, Confused_123  +, writes (14 January 2011):
I can see your point of view here and LOL. The scrubs reference by dirtball made me laugh.
I think if you love him and want to marry him any but the proposal was abit naff and he's willing to do it again then just go for it. I mean, what harm can it do? You'll get to live out a fantasy and he'll get to make you happy which is probably what he wants.
So yeah, I say go for it. If i got proposed to and it wasn't romantic enough i'd want them to try again too probably LOL.
...............................
A
female
reader, cat lady +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Don't get married yet - and not just because the guy didn't give you the kind of proposal you wanted; rather because you're actually too young for the hardships of married life. Age is relative and it's possible to be 25 and still be 15 in some ways. Yes, he should have spoken to your parents, though as you are of legal age, not necessarily before he spoke to you. If you are close to your parents, the man must realize that one never marries only one's sweetheart but also, the rest of the family.
Who's going to ask you 'how he proposed' and why is it anyone's business who wasn't present at the time? You're not on one of those dreadful 'reality TV shows,' are you?
...............................
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (14 January 2011):
I agree with dirtball. OP, you sound like a lot of work to keep happy. Also, it is very old fashioned to ask a girl's parents before popping the question. I know a lot of girls that would actually be offended if their man felt he needed to ask mom & dad first.
If it would make you feel better, you can give him a mulligan and let him ask again. However, in my opinion that's pretty lame. He already asked and you already said yes, making this a moot issue. And really, it could be worse. I was married once and I never even proposed! (that's a long story, I was given an ultimatum by an older woman and I caved :( )
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): *I'm will to bet it will sound romantic to them.*
...............................
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (14 January 2011):
My fiance proposed out of the blue; I was at home in the kitchen doing the washing up when he came in early from work. What was I wearing? Can't remember. Did he do it in a fancy way? No. But...he asked me to marry him. That was the big deal. Not what I looked like, what the ring was like, whether there was music. We then had a big party at a later date to celebrate with friends and family.
You seem to be overly fixated on the proposal as far as I can see, and you are making a big issue out of things which, at least to me, really don't matter. Why do you feel the need to try and show off about your proposal? Why do you need to be dressed up for it or have special decorations? Aren't you pleased that you asked him to marry you? Isn't it meant to be an intimate moment between the two of you where you pledge to spend the rest of you lives together? It sounds to me more like you want a big event, to be the centre of attention, and have something to brag about to your friends. Why do you feel you have to lie about the proposal to people you know, more to the point, why are you so bothered about what they will think?
As for not getting you the ring you wanted, I don't believe it isn't a big deal or you wouldn't have mentioned it. To me it sounds like you have turned a simple, loving gesture into a really big issue and made your bf feel really bad to boot....all because it wasn't how YOU wanted it. It's immature an selfish.
As an aside, you seem to be so fixated on the proposal, but have you actually considered your bf's feelings in this at all, let alone marriage. Is this how you react when you don't get your own way in general? Marriage is all about compromise.......
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 A proposal is a one time thing usually. But if you let him do it again it will make a cuter story in some years, like "his first proposal was so unexciting he had to do it all over again!"
That or you could have just said no. Why did you accept a proposal that you didn't enjoy a tiny bit at all? But, proposals don't HAVE to be the MOST romantic thing anyone ever does for you. It's a proposal. He asked. He had a ring. You accepted. Nothing fancy, but nothing else is needed either to get the question asked and answered. The ring isn't even needed.
You're disappointed because you didn't get it as you wanted, but what makes me question this isn't that you are disappointed. I think you are well within your rights to be disappointed! Because what worries me is that HE KNEW what you wanted, yet he ignored it. Why was that? Thats a red flag to me. I hope you can work it out and that he was just nervous and that's why he kept it so simple.
Let him do it again to make the both of you happy.
...............................
A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Why do you have to get stuck in such details? Some people just don't have a sense for romanticism and you have to deal with it.
You told him what you expect from him, but has he ever promised he'd do what you told him? You told him, he listened and he probably thought you were just fantasizing.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): You know the fact the he is willing to do it again should tell you enough, he loves you enough to make you happy. I know in the movies and the romance novels it sets women up for a fall, life isn't like that. Yes, there are guys that do the big romantic thing, but thats not your guy who is you want to marry? As the years go by and your kids ask how daddy proposed it and willing to bet it, sound romantic to them.
...............................
A
female
reader, 1989BABY +, writes (14 January 2011):
 I agree with dirtball!
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Holy expectations Batman!
Ever watch the show 'Scrubs?' You remind me of Elliot when she was proposed to.
Why do you have to lie? If you're ashamed of him, you should have told him no. You sound way to high maintenance and high strung to me. I doubt anyone other than a dream guy could live up to your expectations here.
...............................
|
