A
female
age
36-40,
*uciW
writes:Hi! Really need to talk ask for an objective opinion, following on from a question I asked a few weeks ago. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. I do love him, however for the past couple of months I have become increasingly disillusioned and dissatisfied with the relationship. I can't put my finger on exactly why, just lots of little things that are putting me off him. He can be critical, and on occassion has hurt my feelings. He's got a ridiculously high sex drive and sulks when I say no, causing a terrible atmosphere. This has put me off having sex with him, as he has criticised my... technique :-) He smokes way too much weed - it's every night. I hate his friends, and my family hate him. I never feel like I'm top priority with him, if I come in from work and he's already home sometimes he barely acknowledges me. He plays computer games way too much for a thirty year old. I'm twenty five and I feel like I'm outgrowing him, whereas he stopped when he hit about 18 I think. Although I still find him physically attractive, all this has made me not attracted to him emotionally, I don't feel connected to him. And if I'm being completely honest, I'm bored and stuck in a rut. We don't do much together and I find myself wanting to get out there, be independent and have fun on my own - and with other guys. I have developed a crush on someone else also, which would never, ever have happened a year ago. A month ago all this became too much and I left. He begged me to come back, saying things would change. Although I can see he's trying, it's not enough to make me fall for him all over again! Then I feel guilty for feeling this way and think maybe I should stick it out, maybe this is all just a phase? I know it's hard to advise someone what to do for the best when they're in a situation like this, but based on what I've told you, what do you think I should do? I would really appreciate your thoughts!
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crush, sex drive, smokes, video games Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Thing is ... after you have spent a fair amount of time in a relationship people tend to not cut their losses and run because once you do that they truly become losses.
Lost time. Lost emotional investment. Lost cause.
The only thing worse than wasting 3.5 years, is to waste 3.5 years and one day.
You are not happy. He is not going to make you happy.
Turn the lights out on this party.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 I think you should be fair to both him and yourself. You already know you want to leave and live life on your own, not particularly just to find another man. But you seem to understand within yourself that this relationship has run it's course.
I suggest that you talk to him, break it off in a clean cut. And go do something that you've always wanted to do. Some traveling for example. Just be on your own for a while. You've been in a long term relationship, and jumping into a new one right away won't be smart. You won't realize who you fully are yet until you leave the relationship, as you have been held back in it, not been able to develop fully in it.
Then perhaps after some time apart you can look back and see if he's the one for you, or if you truly have outgrown in. Sometimes relationships just run their course.
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