A
female
age
41-50,
*ait33410
writes:I don't know what to do with my marriage. We have been together for almost 5 yrs 2 of them married. We have 2 kids together and everytime he gets mad he leaves. Whether it's for a week or a month he leaves us with NOTHING. He works and I stay at home with the kids. I am in school right now becoming a police officer. The last time he left, I found out about this girl he was talking to and taking out to lunch.(she was a client) I spoke to her when he decided to lie about her. I am not over that and they had talked for 3months. Everytime I bring it up he tells me that I'm weak and that he is done discussing it. This isn't the first time I have found out about another female! I am constantly being disrespected and taken advantage of. The deal was that he was going to earn my trust and prove himself. He gave me all of his passwords to his email accounts and when I went to check it, they were changed! I confronted him and he gave them to me and when I got home they didn't work! He thinks this is funny and tells me that I am insecure...OF COURSE I am be/c of HIS actions!!!Help! What do I do?
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female
reader, kait33410 +, writes (9 May 2007):
kait33410 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanted to say thankyou for the advice! I also wanted to state that I am upset about this other female bc he walked out on us with no power or water(my children and I had to baounce from home to home until I payed it with my income taxes) Yet, he has the time and the money for this girl???I am very hurt to know where his priorities are, that not even his kids mean anything! I think once I am officially an officer(when I graduate) I won't need him or his BS I will be independant and strong with a wonderful career behind me! Who knows, maybe a lie detector test might help make or break this marriage?? I will be able to do that soon!LOL
A
female
reader, aunty jane  +, writes (9 May 2007):
 stand up to this guy and leave him because if you dont he is going to kill any confidence you have.....
he is not trustworthy and if he is sleeping around ,how do you know that you have not caught anything
what kind of man is he if he can just walk out if / when he gets mad .....what would happen if we all walked out when we got the mads? he sounds like an immature jerk and im sure you could do much better.....you deserve it
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A
female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (9 May 2007):
I admire you, you are training to go into an incredibly difficult career and you see the blatant life of what hare learn and dealing what happens in society happening in front of your eyes. And its happening to you, the storming out, the moods, he's away for a month a week, doesn't matter. He knows you won't take shit and you're one step ahead of him. He gets mad because like a spoilt child he wants his way and as far he is concerned it isn't to do with the kids, or money, he is jealous you are in a role where you have to be smart, intuitive and have a ton of common sense and you can see yourself as having responsibility, tact and being ethical. You have that, he doesn't and he's threatened big style. Do you understand this is a man/female career power struggle. Stick to your guns and make sure you know who you are and how he thinks of your choices?
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (9 May 2007):
 Sounds like you have three kids instead of two and I'm sure you don't need this. His childish behaviour and spoilt brat act of leaving if he doesn't get his own way has got to change. It's immature and it sets a bad example to your children. You need to give him an ultimatum as far as that's concerned.
I can understand that your trust was dented by him having lunch with this other girl but technically having lunch and talking isn't doing anything wrong and he likely feels trapped by your insecurity of having to read his email etc. Give up on getting the passwords off him, he could always delete stuff he doesn't want you to see... and there has to be some privacy line between a couple. Yes you should share but you shouldn't share everything!
Have it out with him by all means, tell him that he has got to change but accept that maybe you will need to compromise a little to achieve that.
CD
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