A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:Hey, I have been having some problems with my boyfriend of almost 9 months, for what feels like a rather long time.On new years eve last year (2006) my boyfriend cheated on me with 12 men while he was drunk. I saw him make out with them and since then I have never been able to trust him. I always think hes got his eye on someone else, and whenever he mentions to me that he is going out drinking. I get very very edgy.And ive noticed the lack off intimacy between us. Public affection is non existant anymore. I understand ppl dont like watching couples make out, but a few kisses here and there are nice, and I wish he would do it more often. He also admitted to me that he felt uncomfatable telling me he loved me, and that hes always been like that. Wel one time when he left his yspace account logged in, I did go through his messages to reasure myself that he wasnt cheating. I found out he wasnt and I did feel bad that I didnt trust him. But there is a girl on there that he used to send messages to, way before we even knew each other, and most of his messages consisted with 'I love you so much'. So I keep asking myself, why is he hving problems saying it to me? Its getting me really down and my dysthymia (depression) is affecting me even more that usual.Ive tried once telling him we should go on a break, but he only replies with a 'no i need you, I cnt bear to loose you' etc.And yesterday we went to see spiderman 3, afterwards we talked about the movie. I mentioned how the scenes with MJ and Peter upset me when they broke up, he just replied with 'I wouldnt mope about, Id go swinging from the rooftops'.That made me angry, thinking, oh is this how he will feel if we suddenly break up?I had an urge to try it on him, see if he flies amongst the rooftops when I dump him.What do you think I should do?Thanks x x Male and female response would be great
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a break, broke up, cheated on me, drunk, swinging Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Skeez +, writes (10 May 2007):
Skeez is verified as being by the original poster of the question hey everyone thanks for your response.
Yer it was New years and he could have been doing it just for that sake, but would u really like if your boyfriend or girlfriend made out with lots of other guys or girls, or even both. Are you sure you wouldnt care?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): i can relate to this question.
I've had trust issues too with my guy getting with other people, this does include men!
But i can tell just by the fact that you are still with him, that you believe that it didn't mean anything to him, and therefore to you!
If he says he really needs you he's probably telling the truth.
It was new years eve after all, everyone has drunken mistakes.
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A
female
reader, aunty jane +, writes (9 May 2007):
 ask youself if you can really trust someone like this???
12 men in one night???? lucky guy
have you asked him if he is gay or bi sexual and how would you feel if he was????
call his bluff and dump him-then see whos swinging from the rooftops
if he really does love you then he will do anything to get you back
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A
female
reader, Just a Girl... +, writes (9 May 2007):
 huni are you sure that he was not just kissing them as a new years eve thing?? if he is gay then you really need out hun xxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): I agree. What is it that he needs you for? Dusnt sound like it is for love. I think he has some problems and im not saying desert him but I do think you need to look out for yourself on this one.Do you really love him.If no - move on (rather quickly).
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (9 May 2007):
 Hi,
Firstly he is very young and acting a bit imature, by saying these things to you. I am sure he probably does love you in his own way, but is that enough for you.
I really think he is mixed up sexually, and could even be gay. If this is the case, the reason he needs you is that you are a crotch for him, a smoke screen if you like. He could be having a really hard time admitting this, and thats why he is being spitefull to you.
Its not normal, for a guy to make out?, with 12 other men is it. I cant believe that you still stayed with him after that. You need to sit and talk to him about this, and get his true feelings to come out.
You deserve to be treated better than this, but you can still be a friend and support him, if thats what you want.
Think of yourself though, first. Dont let anyone make you feel insecure.
Hope it all works out for you XXX
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