A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my wife and i have been together for near 5 yrs and married for near 2.since then alot has hapend that would put any1 under stress, had a baby, moved home 3 times, i have started my own business that is taking its time getting off the ground, she has just gone back to a job that she hates and to top it all she has an eating disorderon my half iv always been bad with money and sometimes lazed about not helping in house etc but not as bad as some men would be but now i work even harder to be better with money and do LOADS!!! at home. she even says that im the one that does most of it if not all but she stills finds room to critisize.i left a while back to give each of us space for a week and we werr a little better. now it is as if we just live at same house who happen to have little boy together. i have suggested getting help but she just says that she has no motivation to do it.she has always been driven with pride and enjoys expensive things and being spoiled and since we have been a bit rockey none of it has been happening for her. an ex who is still a friend is loaded and they are in contact, not that im a jealous type but he asked her marry him a few times but she said no as she doesnt even fancy him as he has ginger hair and was just drunk when they kissed. but i just wish that they were not in contact until we are sorted. thay are arranging a night out which im not going or invited to. Althogh she has a strong belief in marriage and all its rules etc, she could still want to seperate and then think will its over anyway. but then again maybe its for the best if it happens quicker but i still dont want to be made a fool out off. any ideas any one......................noel
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female
reader, sunrise +, writes (3 July 2007):
 Hi Noel, dont want to dash all your hopes but i think she has just given up on everything at the moment. It sounds like you've both been through a really rough time and it affects people differently. I'm no expert but i feel your wife may be a little depressed, it seems that she's going through the motions and hasn't got a clue what it is she wants right now, she isn't thinking about whether she's hurting you or anyone else, i'm not saying she's being selfish, i just think she's shutting everything off and out. Things wont get sorted between you until you both sit down and talk openly and frankly about what you are both going through. It's obvious that you are both unhappy, so talking about it cant make it any worse. Give it a go for your sons sake if not your own, he deserves to be happy. Good luck.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 It seems there are serious problems in your marriage. I'm pessimistic about a "happy" solution, as I think she is not motivated to it.
I agree with you in that, whatever happens, the quicker, the better. So, try to get that to happen: have a serious talk with her.
Also, I would get emotionally ready for a separation. As someone said, "live with a steady superiority over life: don't be afraid of misfortune..."
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