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female
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anonymous
writes: HOW DO YOU OVERCOME A DEEP OBSSESSION WITH AN EX???Please dont tell me to move on; thats the point, I want and need to so desperately but cant seem to do it. How do I stop spying on him and his new girlfriend via myspace, looking at all her friends photos to see pictures of her and comparing her to me?? How do I stop wondering what they are doing, how they are getting on together and subtly asking mutual friends about them? How do I stop going over all that he said to me when we were together?I so need your advice, anyone who can help me. Its been six months now and I need to get on with my life. Thank you so much, anyone with advice. xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): Hi! I don't know how to begin because I'm still hurt right now and seeking for help.Anything that takes my pain away. I'm in a 5 year relationship but with ups and down, off and on relationship. In this relationship I basically did or try things he wanted me to do and he seemed very happy. Then suddenly he stop calling me nor texting me. He eventually put my calls in a different ringtone so when I call he won't answer. I even tried to come to his house early in the morning after so many unanswered calls but he didn't care. I asked him if there was someone aside myself but he always gets mad before I even begin my questions. I prefer to hear it from him what's going on then move on but he kept denying that his doing something. So I tried not to call him after aday he would call once then I don't hear from him anymore and when I call he never answer then called me back. I still love him even though he is very verbally emotionally mentally abusive to me. I'm addictive to his charm that make me so mad to myself. I go out to dinner w him when he called but everytime I see his lips looks like a water balloon its so upsetting that I couldn't even enjoy and finish my dinner. I told him to let go of me so that I can move on w my life but he kept insisting there was no one but he has not touch me for a month now. I'm so confused and hurt! Any words from you and your reader will be appreciated.
A
female
reader, WiseChick  +, writes (28 December 2010):
Hi
Sorry to hear about your breakup. No matter how good the reasons are for the break up, it's never easy. My advice is to give yourself time to heal. Use this time to learn and grow. Do things that would challenge you and make you interesting. Try new things, that's whats life is about.
As to your obssession, its not a psychopathic condition, its absolutely normal to wander what your ex is doing, I bet he's doing the exact same thing. No matter what though, please don't compare yourself with his girlfriend. You are unique and special, even your ex admitted that once when he was going out with you, so focus on the good things. If you wander again about your ex, just think that he's only one in a million person in this world who eats and craps. Let other stuff take precedent. I usually think of people who are less fortunate than me. Children in Palestine for example who witness violence every day. When you think like that than your problem doesn't seem so big, only a minor stumble to a long winded path that we call life. Peace and love X
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A
female
reader, scarlet lady +, writes (13 December 2010):
There are times when i would have happily paid for a hynotist to make me forget and wipe all memory of what happened away, i tried everything from writing it out to try and get the whole memory of him out of my system..it wasn't so much the actual person, more the situation i found myself in after falling for someone who was never going to be the one for me, the hurt when you are rejected cuts deeper than any knife, in my case i wanted to know why i meant so little, when in the beginning i meant so much, i got my answers and my god i could write a book on the things i did find out, infact i did but burnt it as it just kept things fresh in my mind,i believe that's where the secret lies, trying to forget, waking up in the morning going over stuff and trying to make sence of it all, the real important person in all of this is you, make time for the the things you enjoy, change the dynamic of your life whether it be health, family, friends to dedicate your time to, it's hard to change but you can do it, then before you know it you have rebuilt what was once broken and in other words done what everyone was telling you to "move on" the words you would love to have rammed down their speakers throat, only when you do this can you be free to start trusting yourself to able to feel the way you did about that person maybe with someone new and you will, hard as it may seem, i can hear you saying " i don't think i can", but you will, and by letting go you have made the first step, that way you have at least opened the door for someone new to step through. For all those who have damage to repair you can be fixed,the hurt does eventually go away, focus on you.x x x
and that's the secret
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A
male
reader, MediaMogul  +, writes (6 September 2010):
All of this is great advice! Here's my twist.... what if you're trying to move on, but you all have a baby together?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): My god am I glad i found this website. I am currently going through what you are going through and i know it is making my life hell. Despite the fact i broke up the relationship that was abusive and awfull towards the end I never truely let go of my ex. we were together 10 years and even when we broke up we continued to see each other, sleep with each other and keep in touch(good or bad) and this is where the problem has stemmed from I think cos when he gets a new girlfriend it breaks my heart. Even now ive moved away I cant help look at myspace & facebook(3xday) pages of him and gf and hate myself for it.It makes me feel shit & I hope to take this advice & move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): Hi,I hope you are over him by now but i just wanted to share my experiance .. iv been there done that .. i used to check his myspace 5 times a day and obssess over every comment a girl writes him i even created a fake account and added the girls who were talking to him so i can look at their profiles coz it was private lolI was psychotic!!but then i realized that i am just hurting myself by doing this and i am preventing myself from moving on becoz everytime i check his page i think about him and i got sick of it and i wanted to move on with my life So i decided to block him everywhere so we dont have any contact and i control the urge to check his page i decided to reward myself for every month that pass by without me check his page so basically the first month i rewarding myself by getting a new hair cut the next month i bought those expensive boots iv always wanted .. its really helpful for me i hope my advice works for udon't waste your time thinking about someone who's not thinking about you !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): In response to these questions, what do you do when you are in a relationship with a guy who's still affected by his ex. We've only been dating for a month now, but it was a 3 year relationship, and even after they broke up, they still messed around. He says he needs time to get over it because he's still hurt, but I don't know if I am going to be walking away from something good, or staying when I shouldn't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007): YOU ARE GETTING SOME REALLY GOOD ADVICE. I HAVE ALSO JUST "BEEN THERE" AND I CAN TELL YOU THE ONLY THING THAT HEALS IS TIME! I REMEMBER ABOUT SIX MONTHS AGO WHEN I READ THAT AND THOUGHT "OH, RIGHT". BUT, SERIOUSLY, TIME IS THE ONLY ANSWER. YOU WILL MOVE ON. YOU WILL SURVIVE. YOU WILL WAKE UP SMILING. I PROMISE YOU! I PROMISE. TIME.
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female
reader, yoyayo +, writes (30 August 2007):
i think the first step to getting over it is to admit that you're obsessed. the second step is wanting to get over it! so congradulate youself. you're two steps closer to freedom. i know how this feels. and don't beat youself up. i think most people have experienced what you're feeling in one way or another. i'm not an "expert" but the way i got over my feelings of obsession is to get into myself. find things that you like to do, what makes you happy, be it going out with friends, dancing, working, biking, or writing, whatever gives you pleasure on your own!. Also, find things about youself that are GREAT! even if you write them down, do it, and it may sound silly, but repeat them to youself if ever you think about your ex. like, if you think "why doesn't he want me? does his new girl do (encert something here) better than me. Say something about youself that is unique and special. say it outloud it sounds silly, but it helps! hang around people who really love you. who know the value you have and accept their love. then, find a guy who really likes you (prob more than you think!). and give yourself time! six months is a long time, but eraase all that, start today and pledge to youself to make a step away from your old relationship daily. really, teh key is to be SELFISH right now. build a life of your own, and maybe stop hanging around "mutual friends" if you can help it because there's no way you wont' think about your ex when you're around them. god bless you hon. don't feel alone, we've all be there! (if we're honest!) but you CAN get better... and if you can afford it, don't be afraid to talk to a therapist. no shame! maybe they can get to the root of some other issues that may be the key to letting go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007): As I can see you obviously cared alot for this person,I don't know the circumstances that occured to end the relationship with this boy, but as with every relationship theirs always the negatives, and the positives of every relationship. The only way to help yourself to begin to move on from this boy, is to slowly stop thinking about all the 'Past' good times you had with him or things he said. (I know this can be hard, but do it by keeping your mind on other things for example if your thinking of him, call a friend and arrange to do something fun togeather, this will keep your mind off him. and onto something alot more interesting) Start focusing on the New memories that you could be creating with someone who will show u care and comfort that you beleived you once had. Trust me it is out there, not only this one person will make u feel the way you did, and the next will be just more special and better than the last because you will have learnt from your past relationships.Although don't feel you have to rush into another relationship to replace the feelings from the last. these things take time, use this time to have fun with friends and begin meeting new people and building the confidence to move on. I hope this helped you, if only a little, and all is well.
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A
female
reader, CherryVanilli  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 I do the same thing :(for me it's been 8 months, not so different than u though...I think we'll never truly let go until we meet someone else, someone better who'd make us forget the past and not look back and better yet when we'd remember the past we'd laugh cos we'd be with what's better...Cos no matter if u convince urself that ur over him and u decide that u wont bother looking around him cos it will only cause u more pain, still u'd be able to do this for sometime but then at a certain moment u'll go back n check his space and stuff like that..right?!So try to find someone else who'd really be worth it, and make sure u dont repeat the same mistake twice... and always put in ur mind that if he was worth it he wouldnt leave u wondering around like this....
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (3 July 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
You can block their myspace pages from your computer. Perhaps have someone else do it and not tell you the password. Then you need to tell your friends not to tell you anything about your ex or anyone who he's dating, etc because it's making it hard for you to get over him. Finally you need to occupy your time with something more productive and meaningful - maybe a new hobby or sign up for some kind of class (photography, dance, etc). You might even meet someone new there!
Break ups are always hard - we at Dear Cupid get a ton of questions about them from people in your same situation all the time! Have you looked for similar questions such as your's? There's a tag right above the title of your question, "breaking up." Click on it. It will take you to a page loaded with questions about break ups. Maybe you'll find someone in a similar situation and you can read the advice they've been given. There is also a search bar at the top of the page on the right - you can look up keywords there for more help. I'm also going to add similar question links on the left of this page under your original question.
Hope this helps! Take care.
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A
female
reader, every name is taken +, writes (3 July 2007):
hey i totally no how you feel i myself have just split from my boyfriend however it wasnt my choice. if i were u, the fact that someone dumped me would make me want to prove that you dont need him and you can get on with your life. hunny you are more than capable with getting on with your life, you just need the right frame of mind. write out a list of things you need to do everymorning and keep yourself busy and go out with friends and take an interest in other guys, this will definately help you move on and make you realise that your not so reliant on him. its not easy i no but i believe that if you so desperately want to get over someone u can do it. contact me if you need any more advice good luck and stay strong x
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (3 July 2007):
 Hi,
You will do it naturally in time. Its probably that you havnt met someone else yet.
Dont expect miracles, there is nothing wrong with the way you feel.
My Husband left me 20 years ago, and I still look out for him, or word of him. I dont sit crying, or wishing he was with me, I moved on years ago. But still the interest and I guess feelings are always there. I thought at the time he was the love of my life, and was devastated when we broke up. But along the way the feelings changed.
Give yourself some time, but try not to torture yourself by looking at them, to much.
XXXX
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 July 2007):
 YOU need to force yourself to quit spying, asking questions about them, and reminiscing about the past. Every time you start to do it, go for a walk, turn on TV, just do anything else to get your mind off them. YOU are the only one who can beat this obsession. YOU will need to be strong and not cave into it. If you need the help of a therapist then get it. You are wasting your life with this crap and you know it. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Shortacid +, writes (3 July 2007):
 Well the cliché saying, "Nothing to get you over the last then the next." Which is true. It seems the excess time you have is what you enemy is.
Try to find an activity that so completely ingrains your being and your way of life that you have no choice but to forget him for room for other fantastic stuff.
A hobby, club, sport, another boyfriend, etc... Something that will take up your free time. And delete him as a buddy and just try to not go to the pages one day at a time. You have to break the habit before you can get over it.
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