A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dealing with this problem for almost a year now... First of all, I'm 23, and my boyfriend is 42. We met 4 1/2 years ago, when he was still married, and stupid me, I was his "mistress" for a little while until he was busted and got divorced. We've lived together for the last 3 1/2 years, and a year ago, I realized he was sending money orders to women for cybersex. I confronted him and he denied it. Two months later, I found out he was doing it again, and I confronted him, and he agreed to stop. Four months later, I found out he was still chatting with women and having cybersex, minus payment. I confronted him and told him I was leaving, that I had had enough of it. He promised to change, but resisted getting help. For a month, he never went on the computer and I was beginning to think our problems were solved..but then I discovered he was looking at porn again and occasionally talking to women. His porn has gotten more disturbing too...looking at beastiality, incest, and "ladyboys". And to top it off, I found he was also looking at young children -NOT PORN - but little girls in bathing suits. I don't know how to handle this anymore...I know I need to leave but he always seems to convince me to come back. How do I help myself?
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cybersex, divorce, incest, money, porn Reply to this Question
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female
reader, LOULOU1  +, writes (15 April 2008):
please get out, thats awfull, and for the children involved, what if that was your child????? it could be.save yourself, and if you have the courage, report him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): First, he had an affair with you- cheating on his wife. Not man enuff to break it off at fist!! First Red Flag. Second, you were only 18 or 19 he is almost twenty years older than you and he decided to have an affair with you at that age- when you are naive, trusting, impressionable and vulnerable. Second red flag. Three, looking at children porn??? He met you at a young age......get the hint...he likes young girls. EWWWWW!! Please pack your bags and get a man that doesn't or hasn't cheated on his wife or his girlfriend- to be with you. 2. A man closer to your age......so you can grow old together....don't watch an old man grow old........i've heard women regret marrying older. You are still young. Good luck.P.S Go into therapy and find out why you went for a married man and lived with him all this time from such a young age, before finding someone else.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (8 March 2008):
 Send him off for the day pack your stuff and be gone by the time he gets back and dont let him find you
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A
male
reader, Paladin +, writes (8 March 2008):
 Being his mistress has nothing to do with the real problem. Lots of people have relationship outside the marriage and wind up in new ones that are long and lasting every situation is different. By bringing that up you only cloud the real issue and that is he is a freak. Grown men that look at kids are a problem you don't need to be around. You answered your own question by saying that you know you need to leave. Why you would let anyone convince you to do something you don't want to do makes no sense. By the way if you know about his bizarre behavior others probably do as well. which will only make them wonder about you. Remember the old saying "Your no better than the person you get out of bed with" With that in mind do you think you should stay or go? This isn't about self respect, it's about simple common sense.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (8 March 2008):
 Find the nearest door and walk out. This guy is bad news. Don't even give him a heads up...just go. The guy has issues and I say this not because of the porn and the chats but by the young girl thing....Big red flag there! You got a potential child molester here, who cares about the porn.
Porn is porn, most people take it or leave it. Some abuse it, some don't. But a guy looking at little girls is another whole dusturbing thing. Best you leave him and do it quicky.
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A
female
reader, millie38 +, writes (8 March 2008):
Honey, you need to get rid of him as soon as you can. YOu are still young and I am sure beautifu, that is an addiction and he may need a lot of therapy for that kind of stuff. You got pleny of time ahead of you. I would leave him but that is up to you, easy said then done. Just take care of yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your advice...I appreciate it. Sometimes when you get this far in, it's hard to see a way out. I'll be packing my stuff now...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): You do need to leave. He is draining your self-respect. This guy is not what you would call a good man. I am guessing you can do a whole lot better, but things won't ever get better until you get your courage and conviction together.
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (8 March 2008):
 one word for u sweetie. get the hell out. forget about the cybersex etc. but kids? where do u think u should draw the line honey? this is the line boundary and he crossed way over it. u should of known better, being his mistress. did u honestly think hed be different with u? women thinkn they can change men or be the one thats different in bis life. but men are men. and, he cheated on his wife, with u. so what makes u think he would be faithful to u. what makes u so different and special. womenm like u disturb me. dating married men and having full knowledge of it, and then hoping when he leave sher he willl think ur his saviour? if a woan ever sniffed near my bhusband, id kill her. because theirs billions of virile men out there, stay away from mine. and if my husbands so unhappy, at least i know hed leave me first then do what he wants. because honour and respect and fidelity are number one on his list. so knowing this, u date a guy who thinks nothing of fidelity, and now ur upset because hes fooling around on the net having cybersex, and u feel insecure, and all that. wake up open ur eys dear. fidelity is nothing to him, and ur expendable and he keeps u around for whatever he need, and has his toys on the side. pack ur stuff and leave if i were u. and get earplugs. u dont wanna listen abnd get suckered in by his lies of changing etc. guys like him have problems, addictions. and u cant help him. only a professional can. good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): Hey,
I don't know if this will help, but I'll give it a shot.
What I think you should do is deff leave him, He's not good enough for you. You just need to keep telling yourself that theres ALOT of other guys out there for you.
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