A
female
age
41-50,
*azzy3477
writes:ok me and my boyfriend been together since 1998,we broke up for 2 years 2004 to 2007 he did he left. long story and i want answers for lots of things but my question today is why dont he want to do anything nice for me?? he got nothing for me this past christmas and he knows how much i love christmas. oh and we are living together again for the past 6 months. i have a job that hardly pays much in the winter months and when i have good money in spring summer and fall i always take us out to eat and even now when im poor i do nice things for him but, now im chillin a bit on that since he always wants me to pay him back for putting gas in my car, buying cat litter, buying me soda, and so on its not much right now i owe him 40 dollars its always somewhere around 40 dollars at the end of every month dec,jan.feb,march i need a little help. thats not all tho he wont even help me bring food in the house when i go food shoping. yes i bought him a christmas gift even his mom and grandma. oh and his mom dont like me never did and thats anther question latter. he dont even like to put fluids in my car. i made a pretty garden in our yard this past spring and needed help digging a few holes and he complained and ignored doing it as much as possible. really its like pulling teeth to get him to do anything nice. it wasnt always like this. but since we got back together in 2007 it has been.. im scared to ask him anything.. one time i was begging him to help me bring the food in that i went and bought and got by myself and he refused to bring it in an even said he is not my slave. i really feel unloved, because well its those little nice things you do for each other that shows it. like when i make dinner for him, buy him a shirt take us out to eat and so on i feel like im showing him my love. he shows no love.. he has a cat too and i buy him cat food and dont ask to be payed back, hes a outdoor cat no need for litter except when i have to bring him in when its cold. when i tell him people who love each other and live together do nice things for each other without asking to be payed back like when i buy u tea. he then says u wanted to buy the tea.
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broke up, christmas, got back together, money, unloved Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 good for you for still caring about the kitty :) hey if he cant/won't even provide for his cat i hope you never decide to have a baby with him, and as for his mother, look; she probably knows that your great and that just makes her hate you more. sounds like you are fighting a losing battle here unfortunately, you could try getting seriously tough with him, if you think he's worth it, he seems to have a serious character flaw, and his beliefs about his entitlements and all that YOU should be doing will always be backed up by his mum, pity she ain't on your side
xx
A
female
reader, jazzy3477 +, writes (4 January 2011):
jazzy3477 is verified as being by the original poster of the question well yes he is a mommys boy, he takes care of her better than he does for me. she dont like me and im not sure why, he told me she is jealous and weird. however he dont stick up for me when she complains about me. i think alot of our problems is because of her she tried to break us up since we meet first it was dont settle then other stuff. its sad i wish she would be normal and see that i am a good person and encourge us rather than put me down i think if the mommy dont like you then your relationship is done for. how can you be in a good relationship when the other most important person in his life is always telling him your a awful person. oh and his cat im not gona let him suffer i think the best to do is find him a differant home.
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female
reader, feelingsputtogether +, writes (4 January 2011):
 I don't see you mention anything about him working. You need to stop buying him stuff and taking "us" out. Don't let him put gas in your car unless he uses it as well. In that case it's only fair that he did pay for gas and don't let him charge you if he's using it too. If you are living with him it should be a 50/50. Sounds to me like you are his bank/slave/caretaker/animal control do I need to go on. If you buy food and he doesn't help out taking it in or even giving you half of what you paid, charge him for it. And if he gets all dumb about it (which he will) you can just say to him that your not the only one that eats in that home. If he goes out and buys the food give him half of what he paid don't pay for all of it. If he comes back and says that he "buys you things" tell him that when you buy something for someone you are not supposed to charge them. This guy obviusly is not taking you seriously and is pretty much free-loading off you. Don't let him. Let him take care of his cat, let him buy him the food and if he tells you to buy it just tell him "it's your cat your responsibility not mine". He will get mad and throw a tantrum that is what immature "men" do. Living together is like a marriage you're just missing the prenup, the I DO and the signature on a marriage license. Good luck!
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (4 January 2011):
hi
he's what we call a 'mean sod'. what a shame this is coz its really nice to treat someone you love to nice things isn't it? but unfortunately i don't think he deserves stuff and i think you should stop. i love cats, but let it go hungry, its his cat, same for the man himself, don't buy him his tea any more, you make sure you buy the stuff that you need so you don't have to ask him for help. why does his mum not like you? is this man her little boy? was he spoiled by her as a child? its a real pity this coz what you are gonna need to do, just to keep some dignity here is to be as mean as he is and this is not gonna be a nice way to live. i don't expect that even treating him this way will encourage him to change, so if that is what you ultimately want you could be in for a disappointed life. do you ask yourself why you got back together?
xx
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male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (4 January 2011):
I wont think behavior like this come from nowhere so since u are the one that knows him better I gotta ask you, why do you think he is like this? My only guess is that you did something bad in the past and the two of you broke up. You asked to be with him again and he agreed yet he's been a jerk since then. So you are scared to bring up anything of his current behavior in fear he might leave u or bring up some past guilt. But life is about the present though as the past cannot be changed and the future is a result of our current actions. Really the only thing you can do is try to talk to him about it. I'm sure he will be unwilling but at some point all of his actions will get to you at some point. At this point he just doesn't seem interested in the relationship or willing to work for anything. He's like a "living-dead" I suppose. The hardest part would be getting him to admit that he's been in the wrong about this before you can see any real progress on his side.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): A relationship is about both give AND take. It seems to me from what you have said he just takes, takes, takes and expects you to do all the giving. My best friend went through a relationship similar to this except the guy would only ever show up at her door step when he needed something, take from her til she had nothing left and then leave again. You need to sit him down and tell him that if he expects anything nice from you, that he has to start meeting you 50% of the way. He isnt treating you like an equal human being.You obviously love him but it seems you may have to cut your losses with him. After that many years and he still wont even help you carry in groceries? Asks you to repay him for everything he does? Not his guy needs a rude awakening. Just stop doing things for him and make him see you dont need him. If he truly cares he will try everything he can to right what he has done. If he doesnt, then you are better off anyways.I wish I could be more help! Best of luck!
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female
reader, InLoveW/Love +, writes (4 January 2011):
Sounds like your guy is harboring a lot of resentment since the break-up. There is obviously more to this issue.With that being said, you are doing too much girl! If your man isn't stepping up and being a man then you need to stop being that good woman that it sounds like your being. Don't take him out to eat, buy him cat food and shirts and presents. Don't do anything else for him and do stuff for yourself instead with that money. Go get your hair done, your nails, or whatever you like to do. Truth be told, you shouldn't pamper your man. He will take you for granted and come to expect it. He sounds pretty selfish if you ask me. But like i said stop all the nice, good, respectful treatment. If you do buy him anything else don't just give it to him. Tell him he owes you a date or a favor or your money back. He'll work for your love and favors if you make him.
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female
reader, pinkpoodle5 +, writes (4 January 2011):
 I am so sorry for your emotional pain. The way your boy friend treats you is not love. There is someone wonderful out there that would just love you for who you are. I can tell that you are sweet and loving. He is a lazy chauvinist who does not deserve you.
You might want to read the book, He's just not that into you."
You need to move on. You are way to good for him. Good Luck.
Hugs
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male
reader, foolishsage +, writes (4 January 2011):
 if he says he loves you, but doesn't act like he loves you there is a conflict
you need to ask him why he doesn't like to do anything nice for you - but don't go into it expecting a whole lot, I think that typically under circumstances like this that it is a one sided relationship and that you probably should move on
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