A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've liked a man who is 20 years older than me for a while now. He always winks at me when he sees me and gives me a kiss, and he says that he loves me to bits. But he has also said that he is worried about the age gap, as some men that go in the club where we met, and were i still see him, used to make some cruel comments. He has never had a proper relationship . I know this because i asked him, and he has had a bad past. Well, some people think it's bad, but i'm not really judgemental. He used to go with prostitutes, and he has always drunk a lot. He told me that he likes being with his male friends and drinking. He hasnt exactly said that he doesnt want a relationship with me, but it seems as though he doesnt because sometimes he is distant and we dont arrange to meet up away from the club. I just see him when i go in there with my family or friends. I know that when you have lived your life a certain way for all of your adult life, it can be hard to change. It's just confusing because he seems to think a lot of me. The other night, for instance, he sat me on his knee and said i was his " Beloved ", and i heard him say " She's mine " to someone when they asked who i was . I also asked him how he would feel if he saw me with another man. he said he wouldnt be upset, as it would be my choice, but he said that he would be annoyed and would feel like hitting them ! He is also a friend of the family, as he has known some of my relatives for years. One of my family members in particular didnt like him hanging around me at first though. I'm not very worldly, so i guess that was why.I dont really have a past lol. I have dated other people closer to my age, but i still have him in my mind as well, and every time i see him, i feel so much for him. I guess we will just always be people who care about each other but nothing comes of it. What do you think of this and how do you think i should handle it ?Have any of you been in this kind of situation before ?. I dont really want to stay away from him completely, but sometimes it upsets me when i see him. It's quite a difficult situation really. He also met my dad once ( my parents also have a big age gap, which is 16 years ). He said he wanted to meet my dad to see what he thought of us having a big age gap. He has also introduced me to one of his brothers, and his parents.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): I learn over the years that men know how to manipulate or play with women, by words and physical touch. Talk to your dad first.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): There was a time quite awhile ago where we did go out round the town together a few times, but then once the trouble from other people started, we didnt do that any more. Could it be possible that he does like me, as in he is attracted to me, but just doesnt want a relationship ?. It's hard to talk to my dad really, as he can be judgemental sometimes, whereas i'm not.But then again, obviously he could understand this as he was in the same situation with my mum, except my dad didnt have the past that this man has, and my dad was with my mum for 28 years in total . This man also says that i " do his head in " sometimes, as in he worries about it. Also, when we met, he came over to me first and started talking, so it's not like i was the one hanging around him the whole time from the beginning.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): The issue of him being 20 years older than you is not the important one; instead it's his behavior--and that is what seems very questionable.
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A
male
reader, foolishsage  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 I'm with petina. That sounds like it could be a lot of friendly/flirty things that may seem more than what it actually is intended to you.
He's older and is likely enjoying the attention from a younger girl, but the fact that you've never actually been out with him anywhere other than the place where you pretty much run into him, says that it's probably about it.
But yes - I agree, talk to your dad.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (4 January 2011):
 Before you go any further, I would suggest you let your dad know about this situation. Listen to your dad and he will be able to make you see this more clearly. I'm getting the vibes that this would not be a good idea for you and you could be reading a lot more in to it. You say he's had quite a past, you may not be able to deal with him emotionally if he still carries this burden. I would suggest that you just stay friends but insist that you talk to y our father if you feel the need to take this further. That's what dad's are for, they can sort out the best for their daughters.
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