A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17, and I just can't DO this anymore. I don't know. I'm so bored, alone. Trapped in my city and I hate it so much. The only thing keeping me going is the promise of going to Univerisy next year, but that's stressing me out and I don't know. I'm just...nothing. My friends all ignore me. Not in a mean way, just, I don't feel comfortable around them anymore and a bunch of them are applying to the same Univeristys as me and I really want to start a new life, on my own, at Univerisy. I don't want them to hold me back from who I want to be. I just feel really trapped and chlostraphobic all the time. Even when I'm at home, with my parents, I feel trapped. I have to escape into my bedroom, and I'm always paranoid that they will find out how much food I eat, which is alot by the way. That's another thing. I eat and eat and eat. I buy loads of food and hide it in my room and binge and get sad and I don't even know who I am and I'm scared that when I finally get to Uni that it won't be the amazing time I want it to be becuase I've built it up to the be this amazing thing. I'm lonley too, I want a boyfriend so badly. Not in a superifical way, like I want a relationship. I want someone, anyone. Even if it's just a best friend, I don't have anyone. Sorry if this makes no sense. Please, just tell me what to do. I know this isn't a 'question', but I'm asking for help, for advice. Thank you in advance.
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male
reader, MG GAY GUY  +, writes (9 October 2010):
I have to tell you friend, you are showing all the signs of clinical depression - I have it and have for all of my 39 years. I go the opposite way and hide the fact that I stop eating entirely when I am down. I can drop kilograms in a week. It may take some time to get used to the idea that you are depressed but the good news is there are a lot of really good therapies and medications that can literally change your life. The sooner you can get some help the better - you are not alone at all - there are so many of us around. I get annoyed when people say stuff to me like - "but, you're good looking, funny, educated, talented and have all the advantages anyone could want" - whatever - the thing is I get depressed and very very down for no reason at all. It just happens. i know that trapped feeling, I know exactly what you are talking about. I wish I could give you a hug and say it's going to work out fine. The thing is you need to get some help, just like I did, and your life will improve. Mine has, but one funny thing, after eight or nine relationships I am now single and loving it. I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone. I am happy with my friends and happy on my own. For me now, relationships just mean stress. But I am not rusted onto being single - it would just take someone very special to make me give up my single status. I'm not even looking, so they will have to find me. Best of luck and please, go to your local doctor first and see about getting some extra help. Please do. hugs.
A
female
reader, angelalb  +, writes (9 October 2010):
The only way you are going to find someone to love you is if you love yourself first. It sounds like you dont because you stuff your face with extra calories your body doesnt need. You need counseling to sort out all of these things you have going on inside you. Going away to a big university can be scary. Sounds like all the issues you you have, you deal with them by eating. And the eating can be another issue all on its own. take care daniele
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): I know how you feel. I've felt like that for years and still do.
I have never had a girlfriend. Never had sex. I have maybe one person I can count on as a friend.
And one thing keeps me from just going insane. I am a theatre actor, and I just throw myself into shows. One after the other. As little breaks between them as I can.
They take up most of my nights. And movies and work take up the rest.
I am also going alone to Egypt in March, and this thought above all others bolsters me. I am hurt though that no one would come with me. And that no one wants to come and see me off at the airport, not even my family. And not the girl I love dearly.
Life sucks sometimes. But whilst these douchbags are working and slaving, I'll be riding camels next to the pyramids and cruising down the nile with other young go-getters.
Its the one place I don't think the feeling that I am being tailed around by a Dementor can follow me.
And besides... keep this thought... 'It could always be worse'.
Flynn 24
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, Cccc  +, writes (9 October 2010):
 I think you should change you way of looking at everything that you say Makes you feel "Claustrophobic".This is a vicious cycle that you are about to enter...and if youre already in it SEek help...if not then just dont go into it,Try doing things that you wouldnt normally do like stuff that will make you feel like "Whow that was something different" NOW Im not saying Drugs and To much drinking etc just THINGS that will break your BORING everyday routine.BOREDOM Depression eating Anti-Social Boredom and on and on...Theres way more to it but I dont want to go into it now.
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A
female
reader, Meesh76 +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Hi i had to reply to this question as I went through a very similar thing when I was your age. It is like been thrown into a black hole. Firstly it is normal to experience this kind of stress at this time of your life. For 17 years everything is certain then suddenly its all changing and you are having to make choices about which direction your life is going to take and it is seriously SCARY. Hopefully you have a supportive family who will be there for you whatever you decide to do. There will be loads of opportunities for new friendships but even if some of your schoolfriends end up at the same uni you will find that you change a lot from been 18 to 21 and you will have very different relationships with them. I am sorry that you feel so lonely. If you could learn to like yourself and feel a bit more comfortable with who you are then you will find you get on a lot better with people. One tip.. don't EVER look to someone else to make you feel better about yourself.. only YOU can do that. I really hope that you can work through this as there is a great future waiting out there for you.
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male
reader, Manofathousendlies +, writes (8 October 2010):
 You can start by talking to new people. Going to new places. Try online websides for dating. About the food, it doesn't matter how much you eat. It's your life and you choose what you want to do with it. Your friends that ignore you, try going up and talking to them. If they keep ignoring you then they're not your friends and they're not worth it. If they don't want to talk and listen to your problems then just leave them alone and ask your parents. I promise you that there is someone who cares and that wants to help you with your trobles. You just have to find them first. I assure that if you look hard enough that the right person will come looking back.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (8 October 2010):
 It sounds like you're depressed. Perhaps you could go see a therapist about it. If that is not possible, then you'll have to make your own efforts to see the bright side of things.
Make a list of everything you love and enjoy out of life. it might be really hard to do but once you made your list, admire it and think about how lucky you are to have those things.
Things will change in a year for you, keep strong and perhaps apply at some far away colleges where your current friends aren't applying at.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Many young people secretly feel like this. I had no decent boyfriend at uni, I joined clubs but found no one who's interested in me. I also found it awkward to just say hi to a guy out of nowhere and ask him if he's interested in dating. Try posting ads in the area looking for a relationship. I guess I don't need to tell you to look out for predators, married people, or just creeps. I honestly worry that you would be vulnerable for those but at the same time I feel that all that comtemplation and disappointments in life had led you to just wait and wait for things to happen in life. I really encourage you to feel in charge of your life and make it happen anyway you could. Even with no relationships progress you gain experience talking to the opposite sex.
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A
female
reader, lovebird1  +, writes (8 October 2010):
Hi dear,
This post makes me want to give you a big hug.
I'm afraid that anything I am going to say is going to sound shallow, I don't know how exactly I can help you, but I'll try anyway. It seems you've got a bunch of problems like bingeing, feeling lonely, wanting to change but not knowing how, having to face a big change (Uni)..
Maybe it's just the time for you to redefine yourself, reinvent yourself, and in between still being the old "you" and finding your new "you" there is a certain gap of emptiness. I experienced this gap a lot in my life, a feeling of loneliness, alienatedness, insecurity in between some old skin I had to shed and a new one that hadn't grown by then.. but it's also a good time for taking a break and thinking about who you want to be.
What are your dreams? What kind of friends would you like to have at Uni? What keeps you from finding a best friend? Why do you binge and what could you do instead? Stuff like that. The important thing you need to know is: You CAN change things. You can get out of this mess and find a happier life ( I did, so I believe you can do that too). Be optimistic about that.It's going to take a lot of initiative from you, and maybe overcoming a lot of fear and old habits. But it will be worth it.
Big hug again.
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A
female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Join clubs or organisations to make new friends/get a boyfriend. Don't seem over eager with guys though, try to be cool if you meet someone nice.
But things will probably change once you start university, i know it's a while off, but try to keep going till then. Good luck
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): I get bouts of these feelings from time to time but all you can do really is have patience. It sucks, I know but in this world, there's not much promise left. But that's the pessimistic POV.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Well at least you have Uni to look forward to, you'll meet so many new people whilst there. In the meantime, get yourself out and about, even if it's only a walk round the park or maybe some retail therapy (always works for me)
There's nothing worse than feeling like you're stuck in a rut, i've been there. Try and get out and do something that you enjoy. Maybe take a class in something, Drama, Dance, Art, Learn to play an instrument. Good way to meet new people and build upsome confidence. You never know, you may even meet the man of your dreams!!
Think about where you would like your life to be, and aim for that...
Best of luck hun, don't give up hope :)
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