A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is a long post but my question is how do you start trusting a compulsive liar? My ex and I were together for a year and a half and 9 months of that she was pregnant with my son. I was supporting all of us so we didn't have a lot of time and money to go out and do things together, we almost always stayed at home and it drove her crazy. I started noticing small changes from her after she had my son but its normal. She wasn't on her depression meds while she was preg. But said she took them after but it didn't help. Suspicious behavior led me to checking her phone which has suspicious calls/texts then she eventually always deleted them out. She left me a month ago and started seeing her new boss at this new job she got not even 2 weeks later and tells me nothings going on yet her while family tells me other wise. I DJ what to believe but I know she's the one. I just know and I can handle all the problem and I feel like we can fight for it. No one wanted us together from the start and everything was perfect until we moved into her moms house. She said her moms been trying to seperate us and she was the one who sent the texts telling her to leave me. I feel like she is seeing this guy because I heard some voicemails that were messed up but I still tried and tried to get her back and just lastnight she said okay. My problem is I know she's still seeing this guy and lying about it but I know we can both get past this. She already told me she doesn't know who she is and is losing control, what she's doing now isn't her and every time were alone I see the old her in her eyes. I know I can help her but I Dk how. I know I need to forgive and trust her but its extremely difficult. I don't care if I get hurt again, if I could just change somthing small with her it would be worth it but of course I want to get it all back. I'm just trying not to get my hopes too high up. Please any advice would be great, except the people telling me I'm crazy. Sometimes you need to fight for what you believe in and this woman, I know isn't perfect, but I would die for. Well who she really is. Not this new girl that she turned into.
View related questions:
liar, money, moved in, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Waiting for an angel +, writes (6 June 2010):
Its hard when theirs a baby involved especially because the baby will suffer not the parents. If shes worth the fight go for it if shes not than accept it and be there for your baby.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): This is the original poster and I just want to say thank you everyone for your advice and help. There's a couple responses I wanted to hear but for the most part what I didn't. I think your all right honestly, I'd love to walk away from her but I can't. She will always be in my life because of my son. I asked her the other day how she can turn her head when I try to kiss her and I know she wants it, she replied because I have more will power than you. I was texting her today and when I called her on a smoke break she blew up on me because I was bugging her with the texts. There's still one thing I need to be completely positive of, and if it comes out that she is 100% seeing him, I know its gonna hurt but I know it will make it easier to move on. She should be coming back to me not the other way around like one out it and your right. I have been holding this all on my shoulders when she tells me she's no good for me and I should just run because all she's gonna do is hurt me. But when she says these things she gets tears in her eyes and she usually never cries. I'm looking at it from a new light and I just wanted you all to know it means a lot to me. Thank You.
...............................
A
female
reader, MsBehavin +, writes (5 June 2010):
 To begin with, my heart goes out to you. You're in a tough spot and it's even more of a touchy situation because you have a child together. I'm no expert, and as much as it sucks, I think the best thing for you, her and your son is for you two to separate. Let's examine this from a "Best Case Scenario": You guys get back together & try to work it out. But it will always be in the back of your mind whether you can trust her. Those feelings may be easy to hide/control/back burner for a while, but every day you don't trust her adds another layer to the top of the the suspicious pile. Even the best of us would eventually crack under the pressure of carrying around that load. It's admirable for you to want to work so hard at this, and I applaud your effort. But you must think long term - your current relationship is a recipe for disaster! Lastly, I firmly believe that children learn the most by the examples that are set for them by their parents. If you stick around in a disrespecting, deceitful relationship ask yourself if that's the model you want your son to learn from.
I truly wish you all the best!
...............................
A
female
reader, mum45  +, writes (5 June 2010):
I wonder if your gf has post natal depression ,its clear she s been in contact with some one but is still holding on to you , that might be a good sign, get her to see her gp to make sure all is well then maybe try some counselling together . If she is not keen to try , you may have to walk away, but don t lose touch with your child .
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 You said you know you can both get past this, but the question is: does she want to get past it? Or does she want to move on? It is impossible to make a relationship wrk when only one part wants to work on it, and the other will do anything to sabotage it. Be sure your have your girl on the same side of this battle! She sounds like she wants to get out, which means not only are you fighting everyone else, you are also fighting the one person who should be on the same side as you. I understand that you will do anything for this woman, and it is a shame she can't value that. But sometimes that's just the way it is about people. I'm not so sure she returns those feelings, I don't see her doing everything in her power to be with you!
You can't keep the relationship up for the sake of both of you. I think you are trying to carry all the weight on your shoulders, but in order for this to work she needs to carry her own half. Is she doing that?
Understand also that if she is the one who cheated, she is the one who should be working her butt off trying to make you happy. Instead, you are the one working your butt off trying to accept that she continues to see this other man!
If you could just change something small about her... yes, that is the dream for many of us. But the truth is, you can change nothing about her. If she is to change, she needs to want it herself and change herself. All on her own. You said you know you can help, but don't know how. In essence then, you can't help. There is really not much you can do about the current situation other than fight the current, and hope she someday will want the same. But you can not make her see that you two are meant to be together, not when she doesn't feel the same way.
I'm sorry, but sometimes people change for the worst. I don't know if the girl you fell in love with will ever come back. And in either case, SHE is the one who need to get back to her old self, all on her own. You can't make her.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 June 2010):
Why, why, why. What are you doing!? This IS who she is. A LIAR and A CHEAT. No way will this work out. She's only going to lie and continue to cheat. You're not crazy, but if you think this will work out, you're misguided. You have a child together, and that child must come first. Stop chasing after a woman who is cheating and claims she doesn't know who she is. That's going to end up with you getting more and more hurt, her getting what she wants from all angles and your child sitting there when it grows older blaming itself. She's a cheat who is not clear about what she wants. That screams the word 'run'. You can't fix it. Only she can. So let her get on with it, while you focus on your life and your son's life.
...............................
|
