A
male
age
41-50,
*itram
writes:Hi,I am feeling really insecure about myself, i doubt my ability to do anything and cannot seem to look positive at anything? I have a wonderful girlfreind and I am beginning to affect this relationship because I am jealous and insecure.. I feel inadequate in comparrison to her, she has a great job, is finnacially secure and i just feel that she deserves someone better.. I am a bit of a loser, have to work two jobs to make ends meet, am highly qualified but cannot get a good job.. just feel she deserves so much more. She is away for work at the moment and I am driving myself wild with jealousy and anxiety getting her to phone me every night and then being weird when she phones... HELP please.
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female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (14 June 2007):
 Ah honey why would you feel like she deserves someone better than you, when she met you she fell for who you are and what you stand for, it doesn't matter if she seems to have a better job we are in year 2007 not 1807, it seems it doesn't matter to her?...You can do anything in life if you really want it that much please don't knock yourself, why do you call yourself a loser?, she doesn't see you this way..
As for the jealousy a relationship is built on trust and you have to trust her to make this relationship work, your just punishing yourself hun allowing your mind to run wild, then when she rings you everynight you act weird, that really is not fair on her as she is putting herself out to call you....You need to keep busy doing things and look forward to her returning, give her a big hug and count your lucky stars you have a lovely girlfriend, not worrying if she is up to no good its not healthy hun and this is not helping you is it?
You have two jobs to make ends meet that shows me your stronger than you really think, ok they may not be the best jobs in the world but hey you go out there and do an honest days work, maybe you should start looking in the mirror every morning and tell yourself your a great guy and mean it, trust me this needs to be done everyday....We all have periods in our life when we feel low and bad about ourselves but only we ourselves can do something about it, so start by that mirror, say hi to your girlfriend and talk lovingly otherwise babes if this jealousy thing gets out of control you may loose her and I am sure you don't want that to happen...
Have more confidence in yourself and remember you only live the once this is no rehearsal so go for it what ever you want grab it with both hands and cherish the love of your life everyday and trust her like she trusts you, good luck babes I really hope you sort things out and ya know what your took the first step in the right direction seeking advice so I know you can over come all this x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): Hi there. Ya know, I am a 29 year old woman, and my husband has a great job and I sit here at home in the same boat as you. I felt somewhat like you do some time ago. It took me a while, but I told my husband exactly how I felt. He was happy I told him, and since, he has been doing whatever necessary to make me feel better and more "worthy." What I'm saying is... you have to talk to her and let her know how you feel. Also, you have to make it your #1 priority to TRY to look on the positive side of things. If you feel down about finding work, etc... then take some time to find something positive in your life to think about. Try to laugh at some things, as apposed to being upset. Believe me, it works. Hey, and I think everyone would agree with me when I say... if she really truly cares about your well- being, then she will understand your feelings, and try to help. Maybe she could help you with job searches, resume making, etc. Could be something fun to do together!Chin up and smile.
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A
female
reader, Beckto  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 You need to take all that focus you're putting on how much better your girlfriend is than you and apply that to yourself. Nothing turns a woman off more than a needy, insecure man. Likewise, an independent, secure man is a REAL turn-on. Believe it or not, the way to win/keep a woman is to not NEED her, rather to WANT her. What can you do to make yourself more worthy, interesting and/or fun? What interests do you have that may or may not involve her? Ever wanted to learn another language? Interested in learning how to swing dance? Find a bowling league to join... Be proactive about bettering yourself and increasing your self worth.
The longer you remain inactive about bettering yourself, the faster the relationship will dissolve right in front of your eyes.
Your self worth has nothing to do with her; it has everything to do with you. Stop making it about her and do something for yourself.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, spirited +, writes (14 June 2007):
First off, if she didn't feel that you were "adequate" for her, she wouldn't be with you. You've had a streak of bad luck... that does not make you a loser. That just says, once you get the job you deserve, you will appreciate it and work for it more than anyone. You are feeding a vicious circle which only you can stop. You work 2 jobs, there is NOTHING to be ashamed of from an honest day's work. You are a hardworking man, and maybe that's one thing your girlfriend loves about you. Instead of sitting around and waiting for something to happen, you work hard to get where you feel you are worthy. Don't ruin your chance for happiness.
The key here is to chance your perception of yourself. That is all you have to do. Try to see yourself how she sees you, and maybe that will help you appreciate your own self worth a little more.
Your situation with your job won't last forever, but your relationship could. Don't let the "if" take you down.
Good luck & God Bless!
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