A
male
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anonymous
writes:I've been invited to a dinner party ona date yet to be confirmed with the girl I've been seeing. I suggested dates I could make. It's primarily her friends attending the dinner. I no longer want to see this girl and I don't want to go to the dinner party. I know I've made a mistake but how can I politely get myself out of the dinner party and retain my self-respect and dignity? Resolving the situation with my girlfriend is another matter. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (17 June 2007):
It would not be nice if she felt you only went to see her when you fancy a sh*g. I hope this is not the case, as that would be horrible. Perhaps you should just message her or email her to say that you did not just want her for sex.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys.
I did tell her how I felt, before I had your replies as it happens. I emailed her yesterday to arrange a time we could meet but she was busy for the next three nights. This morning however she said we could meet this evening and I was planning to tell her when I saw her. The issue of the dinner party came up on email today however and I told her I would give it a miss. She wanted to know why so I said I didn't want to go. She said my change in attitude was confusing and a little upsetting, which was understandable but I didn't want to break up with her by email. I said I understood and I was sorry and that I'd see her this evening.
She then called to say she was worried about what I might say and was busy but couldn't concentrate. I decided to just tell her then that it was dishonest of me to continue seeing her and the honest thing to do would be to stop seeing her. She said "Right well perhaps you shouldn't come over and see me just when you fancy a sh*g." I gave her time to vent but not as long as I would have if I'd dealt with it later because I was due to meet a friend for lunch at the time. I ended the call abruptly by saying I had to go and she later complained that I clearly had better things to do than talk to her! I think I let her get too used to having what she wanted, ie me. I don't blame her or me, I've just learned to be truer to myself in future.
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 The best thing that you can do is be honest. If you don't have feelings for this girl anymore, you need to tell her. Be nice about it, and don't do it in a rude tone.
Everything will turn out ok.
Dv1
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A
female
reader, rachal +, writes (14 June 2007):
 i think that you should just tell her the truth instead of waiting for along time. the longer you wait the harder it will be to break it off. GOOD LUCK!
XOXOXOXO RACHAL
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): Are you saying you have a girlfriend & are seeing someone?? You make no sense. Anyways to get out of the dinner party & seeing this girl, simply tell her "I am sorry but I no longer wish to date you" It's that simple. Don't lie or string her along, then you'll have to deal with her for longer & she will have ideas that you're still together & that's not true. Why lie??
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (14 June 2007):
 The "last minute" trick always works. This one works especially well since the party is mostly her friends, and she could still go stag if she wanted to. Plan to go with her up until the last min and think of some viable emergency that has come up. It could be many thing that would take you away: something at work, family, a friend in need, etc. Just make sure you pick a story that she can't easily follow up on. (Of course, if she does find out that you lied, then you have the best opportunity to break up...) Say, "I'm so sorry! I really wanted to go to this party with you but I really must..."
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Sarah +, writes (14 June 2007):
 We all have to do things that are not nice sometimes. You have to finish with the girl now......then the dinner is no longer a problem! Be fair to the both of you!
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (14 June 2007):
I think you will just have to say you cant make it, or tell her your not ready to meet all her friends yet. You can either say your busy, or just tell her the truth.
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