A
female
age
41-50,
*oticable
writes:I have been married for two years now and for those two years I can't remember spending quality time with my husband. We see each other and we actually don't speak to each other as much, when ever we can cuddle up, his family are always there and I don't know what to do. I am just so tired of spending these days by myself, every occasion such as valentines day, new years eve, my birthday got messed up because his brother was going to be by himself and I am trying so hard but I don't think I can handle it. I need to be with my husband so that we can build a relationship, what do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Share Bear +, writes (30 March 2009):
 Aww- he's really putting everyone else before you! I agree that some time away at your folks' will be good for you- and hopefully wake him up to how serious this issue is.
But to be honest- he seems so keen to spend time with everyone but you, I'm worried just what he's avoiding? Is he scared of the commitment to any small degree? Does he give any indication of if he still feels the same for you as he did when he married you?
Even if the time apart wakes him up to some extent, i'd actually go with ultimatums in this case! You're half of this marriage, and you need to stand up and be counted!
I'm not suggesting anything so silly as 'it's me or your family' -of course that's ridiculous. But, tell him; we need a week away together within the next month/ six weeks- book it! (Even if you tell the family you're both going away and pull the curtains whilst hiding at home if things are tight!)
Then; tell him you need at least two nights a week together just the two of you -and get him to tell his family this if needs be. Minimum!
Be flexible, let him choose the nights, and of course every family will always have times they need to help each other out with stuff or whatever, but he has to give you some minimum quota!
As silly as it may sound, I suggest it because you need to know if he's taking this marriage seriously at all, or if he's avoiding bigger issues between the two of you.
Tell him, either he sticks to this (or therabouts- but dont tell him this!) or you're out! Because if he can't even make this pretty small effort to make the marriage work, you have your answer, and you're better off without him!
(At least for as long as it takes for him to come to his senses!)
Stand firm and Good luck!
A
female
reader, noticable +, writes (30 March 2009):
noticable is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Thank you all for your advise, I guess it helps to listen to others. I'm just digging a big hole for myself, first it's his family, then it's his friend.
I need a break so I will go to my parents for some quite private time something I need in order to get my head in the right mind frame.
I feel like my marriage is falling apart and I'm getting so depressed.
We didn't have a honeymoon and in the first year of our marriage and my pregnancy, his friends were always taking him out, getting him drunk and then his family would be over all the time. I'm just so angry at them and he knows that but doesn't understand. I talk and talk and he says I'm just noise. Do I just let everything that happened go and move on? Not sure what to do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): I can't add much to the excellent answers above. But, you do need to talk seriously with Hub and let him know that you are not trying to get between him and his family. But ask him how he would feel if it were reversed and it was your family that was always waltzing in unannounced and butting into private time. It is hard for many young couples who live near their families. And the families are not always really aware that they are being "annoying". But it should be him who tells them to "back off a bit". You should certainly not have to. That could cause even more problems. Just tell him that you HAVE been patient...to patience's end. Best wishes, hon, and I do understand. I was in the same situation as you, only it was 'her' family. It is not an easy thing. I went through it myself. When I finally got a better job away from "home", things were much better.
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A
female
reader, noticable +, writes (28 March 2009):
noticable is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI spoke to him and he said to be patient, I feel like i'm getting old and his family would not understand, they a family orientated and believe everyone should stick together!!
We have argued so much and I feel I have drifted away from him because I can't speak to him anymore, I feel like I have repeated myself for a good 2 years, feel like a broken record that needs to be thrown out.
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A
female
reader, minnie_me  +, writes (28 March 2009):
you need to explain to your husband how you feel and you could maybe talk tothe family and explain to them that u and ur husband need quality time so that you can build you relationship im sure they will understand. Good luck with everything!
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